Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Let's Get Physical !

As you can imagine, in this weather, exercise and the physical fitness of your humble narrator becomes a concern. I mean, I don't walk outside much at all, especially since Bob The Formerly Van Eating Dog got re-homed and doesn't need me to walk him.

What to do, what to do!

Well I saw this thing at The Home Of Falling Prices in the "As Seen On T.V." section right between The Snuggie and E-Z Cracker and thought, "WOW...that's JUST what I need to build up my pecs!" Draw back is, it's not free. So I had to do as I often find myself doing....improvise. Work with I have.

Been working with it MANY times a day using what I have available. I discovered that using a sock while exerting myself is extremely handy and avoids any...mess. Suffice to say, I hardly come out of the van at all for much of anything.

A side effect though is not quite as healthy as one would hope. After each exercise session, I find I need a cigarette. Go figure...

Anyhow....I need to go back to "Getting In Shape" and will write more when I feel completely physically fit!

!!!!!EDITED TO AD!!!!! I JUST found this and it helps me a great deal in my exercise regime!

Hilarious Shake Weight Exercise for Women - Watch more Funny Videos
Until next time...

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Honest...I REALLY Had Planned On....

....wrapping up the whole stuff on, well, Christmas. Christmas Eve, which came after a very memorable Christmas Adam, was busy as anything for your humble narrator, and I want to share it all.

Right now I am completely fascinated by the Blizzard of '10 (WOW..that name sucks! It's better when it has an "O" in The Blizzard Of 'O8! 10 is just...ummm..blah) Been watching the doings here at Camp Scooter South in the parking lot of The Home Of Falling Prices. This is a pretty significant act-O-nature! What I find really special is that I can blog to the world in The Conversion Van Of Wonders in a parking lot. When the area lost power a bit ago, I didn't! Kinda makes me feel..Awesome! the next day or two I WILL update all that stuff. I have many people to acknowledge and thank. Been a heckava month, to say the least.

Until then...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Really Quick Update....

The laptop, not to be outdone by your humble narrator, decided to have a stroke and be non-functioning for a couple of days. Is limping along right now, but still can't get some stuff to work right.
Big Doings At Camp Scooter South:
I think I may have saved some one's life today. I was walking back from throwing away my garbage when I saw this woman sitting on the curb looking like she was confused and searching in her bags. It struck me, this is winter and NO ONE sits on a curb, especially at The Home Of Falling Prices parking lot with the horrific winds we get here. Thus, I go back and ask her if she is ok. She tells me she is "shocking". I tell her, it's the wind...messes up your hair, but I wouldn't call that shocking.

She meant she is a diabetic and I could see she was zoning out pretty rapidly and had been there for quite some time. I called out to a guy walking around the lot to have him call the police.

SIDETRACK: I learned from my own "911" experience 10/05/09 that using "911" from a cell is sluggish. So I gave him the direct line for the Mt. Olive Police Department and I took the phone and put in the call.
I give'em directions to her. About 10 parking spaces south of The Conversion Van Of Wonders. With the phone guy standing by her, I went back to get something with sugar. I grabbed a can of The Real Thing and a bag of Great Value Fruit Snacks...which is what I use to get my daily supply of fruit! I would have brought the premium "Phineas And Ferb Fruit Snacks" (which are REALLY good) but I couldn't reach'em. I also took along a blanket to get her a bit warmer. I hesitated giving her either of those sugary delights, simply because it wasn't clear at that time, if she was diabetic or hypoglycemic. As it turned out, she is diabetic.
Long story short...cops arrive....paramedics arrive...she is taken into the ambulance and ultimately all is well.
So back I go to get the laptop back to speed. Y'all take care.
Until next time....

Friday, December 17, 2010


I can't stop sleeping, and when awake...I am pretty tired. Hopefully I am not coming down with something. Maybe it's just some fatigue...who knows. In any event, that's why I haven't posted a lot lately. And I have so much to put out there.

Bob is settling into his new home quite nicely AND has made a new friend!! You can't see it in this picture, but Bob The Formerly Van Eating Dog's hoodie is emblazoned with the familiar Harley-Davidson emblem. I bet he is glad he is there and not here in this weather.

I forgot to mention that Bob is now possessed by Aliens and his eyes glow at night and after he uses his heat vision. This picture was taken just after he vaporized a cat. You should see him levitate, it's pretty cool!

Anyhow, I am hoping this weekend I get some writing done as well as finish stuff here in The Conversion Van Of Wonders. Also finding a renewed interest in living and the holidays. What a difference a coupla weeks make!

Lastly, did any of you catch me on the radio Thursday morning? Please let me know.

Until next time....

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Been Remodeling....

Thus still have to write the final chapter of the storage stuff saga. Lots to tell there.

I took the stuff I had in the Conversion Van Of Wonders and put that in the new storage bins. Now I have a full size bed to sleep on...I'll be posting pics soon. I also threw out a LOT of stuff.

Also been busy trying not to freeze to death. Current temp at Camp Scooter South is 18 degrees, WITHOUT wind chill! The winds here are significant.

The new generator is keeping me alive.

Anyhow....I will get all caught up and continue on my way back to feeling Christmas.

Until next time, here is a post from last Christmas HERE . Enjoy.....

YAY ME!!! Just did spell check no misspellings!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Dear Santa.....

If you or any of the elves have spare or about to expire Hotel or Miles Points....I mean c'mon, you circle the globe....I could sure use'em. All the current activity up there in your Workshop at The North Pole is pushing one nasty cold snap my way, Monday.

And on Christmas Morning....

No need to try to fit it under a tree. Just kinda park it under the "McRib Is Back" sign here near The Home Of Falling Prices. I've been good....honest! Here it is Santa: HOME

UPDATE 12/17/10 The owner of this RV just lowered the price by 500 bucks Santa. So....

Friday, December 10, 2010

I Know..I Know.....

I promised a report, and things are somewhat calmer..thus the soothing, flickering candles... but here's the thing....

Some new changes and some old artifacts getting in the way. Firstly, I am seeing symptoms of the brain stuff again. Not chronic so far but popping in and out. I am not sure if there is something wrong with the keyboard or it's me, but I have to REALLY focus typing or I leave out letters of words. I think I have typed them, but I re-read and characters or spaces are missing. That's new. And some of the smaller stuff coming back.

(I had to go over that paragraph 4 or 5 times to correct things. That is certainly not like me. (4 things in this sentence alone) )

Also a long time, dear friend got me 2 nights at an Extended Stay Hotel. NICE! The first bed I have had in 16 months not visited hourly by a nurse. Sheets...comforter...sweet!

Tomorrow I have a networking meeing and luncheon to attend in the early afternoon, then I will be back here and make myself sit down and get caught up.

Thanks for reading....

Until Next Time....

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Feeling Human Again, I Guess.

HuLu in The Conversion Van Of Wonders: Christmas Edition

As you, my loyal followers have known, your humble narrator has not been on the bright side of life lo these many weeks, maybe months. I am feeling a shift...not trusting it yet....but maybe Christmas is still in me. This episode of "GLEE" brough me to tears, especially at the end. If you love this show, you probably already watched this, but it's worth a 2nd look. Even if you don't follow it on a regular basis, this episode should get your right......Here!


Enjoy! I Know I Do...

All Done And Many To Thank!

Spent the day re-arranging/nesting The Conversion Van Of Wonders. Actually have room in here now. Tomorrow I get the bed done.

This has been a "Mental Health Day"...this last week has been trying to say the least. So tomorrow I'll detail stuff.

One interesting that I am not dwelling on moving to my condo in the sky with a view and Triple Play FiOS, my hit count has fallen off a cliff. What else is curious is many find me looking for pictures of The Grim Reaper, because of my entry featuring "The Grimm Adventures Of Billy And Mandy" HERE. Well before my current despondency over current events.

So tomorrow an update and the conection to the WikiLeaks guy!

Until then....

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Moved A Buncha Stuff....

...but much more to go. The head meds I am on seem to make cold unbearable. Understand, I have never been a fan of winter. Even as a kid...not for moi! When my kids were little, I had them touch snow while I said "yucky...ewww...." over and over. No sleigh riding with this Daddy!

My late wife was not pleased! Lesson was unlearned, toot suite!

Can't say I didn't make the effort.

Anyhow, I had to stop after a certain point simply because it felt like my skin was being cut by a million razors.

Tomorrow I have a couple of volunteers for limited time. I am really afraid I won't hit the deadline of 5 P.M. Again if anyone reading can lend a hand for a while it would be truly appreciated!

As for other current events, I have started cooking for myself again. When Carlos, owner of Vincenzo's, was feeding me, cooking wasn't an issue. But 2 things happened. He closed his business and I was blessed with a more powerful generator. Thus, I can use my NuWave oven.

I was craving mashed potatoes! Went into the Home Of Falling Prices, that is also at The Location Of Falling Temps (31 degrees and dropping right now with pretty gusty winds), and bought 2 frozen dinners and cooked'em.

Was great!

Tonight I had 10 of those little Hot Dogs, proclaimed by your's truly to be "God's Perfect Food", wrapped in a flaky dough. That was a REAL treat. Love those things!

So if nothing else, I am fed. I topped off each meal with Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets 2-Packs.


Anyhow...wish me luck, as well as those who come to help. Don't forget the email:

to reach out if you can be here. We are starting at around 10 AM.

Until next time...

Saturday, December 4, 2010


OK..I saved my stuff from the auction Saturday, but it MUST BE OUT by 5 P.M. this Monday, December 6th!!! I haven't been able to muster much help so I am reaching out here for volunteers. I am reticent to post my personal phone number this being the 'net and all, thus as an alternative, I created an email addy:

So I can get messages. If you can help, we are doing it today, Sunday, in a storage place at the border of Budd Lake and Hackettstown. Muscle is needed. And if anyone has a truck PLEASE let me know ASAP! It would save me the cost of a trailer.

If I don't get stuff out by the deadline, I will be out a $300.00 deposit. It was the only agreement I could get that would save my stuff.

So PLEASE, email me if you can help and what you can do for this.

Thank you all so much!!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Ok...The Sale Has Been Halted....

I had to handle a transaction today that, while neccesary well before this storage auction thing, was emotionally taxing. Not going to go in to detail, but suffice to say it took a bit of a toll on your humble narrator.

Thus, the blue rope is put away and now I have a new deadline to meet. I'll elaborate more later, but for now...I am spent.

Until next time.....

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


EDITED TO ADD 11/25: PLEASE NOTE! It pains me that I am even alive to type this today, as well as, decline the heart felt and VERY generous offers of food and a Thanksgiving Dinner that have come my way. People can be very nice. But please, if heading over to me with said items or offers please don't. I just turned a very nice lady away and now I have a lump in my throat. This days sucks enough without that added angst.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Now..back to the blog:


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Friday, November 26, 2010

Just When You Think It Can't Get Any Worse.....

...things turn out a whole lot better!

The night was tough. No heat, VERY little gas for the van, and the dead generator mocking me.
The looming auction of all my stuff.
The up coming holiday season I won't be a part of.
No smokes!

Then a couple of things happened.

The other homeless guy stopped by and bought me a pack of smokes. O.K....craving handled.

Then sometime later a very nice woman approaches my driver's side window and asks...

"How's your generator?"

I's kaput.

She says...let us buy you a new one!


Outta the blue!

Seems she has been following your humble narrator's ramblings here and saw my dilemma last evening. Thus, she and her husband, with two little daughters in tow, drove me to buy my new power source. PLUS...a new 5 gal. gas can and filled it with gas!

Life can turn on a dime. Or in this case a sizable amount of green.

This gen is awesome. 4K watts....MUCH quieter than the prior one. With the extra wattage I can run pretty much everything in the Conversion Van Of Wonders at once. Outstanding!

Don't get me wrong, the other gen was a HUGE benefit for me. And the prior Angel who bought it for me gave me a lot of comfort and safety by my having it. My eternal gratitude and a God Bless to her and her's for helping me last spring. Helluva a woman!

And now this new family has my same wishes. God Bless and undying gratefulness. Right now I am sipping coffee I made while leaving the heater on and the laptop up and running, with a 100Watt lamp lighting my way.

Way cool!

So to the family who helped out this humble narrator a B I G Thank You along with my, and I am sure my faithful reader's, wishes for an absolutely outstanding Christmas Holiday Season.

Here I was already to do myself a turn. I even picked out the color of the rope. "Blue" as in Blue State. I figured since the Blue State types were strangling the country and The Constitution, blue rope should offer a complimentary purpose to moi as well.

The rope is still buried somewhere in the back of the van.

I almost, ALMOST, feel like fighting back again. Trying to do something, anything, to avoid losing my stuff to strangers next Saturday. Something that does not involve my expiration.

More on that later....

So for now, I am warm, online, and feeling a whole lot calmer....and blessed.

Thanks again to that generous beyond measure family. You made a big difference in this boy's life!

And as for the movie the girls were watching in the back of the car. Old Man Sanders would have gotten away with it, if it had not been for those meddling brats!
(I hope that doesn't ruin the ending.)

Until next time.....

Miserable Day....

....just made horrible!

The generator died. It appears to have siezed up and, with that, goes my heat and ability to be mostly self contained.

Then the car battery was dead...but a nice guy gave me a jump start.

The "Signs" are are all adding up. Is it really any wonder I am planning on hanging myself?

I have less that 1/4 tank of gas to get through the night. I am using an inverter to get online for a little bit,

Then that's it!

So if any of you pray or focus energy....please implore God to finally take me.

Or does God only help those who help themselves?

Will certainly know on or just before the 4th of December.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


I would say I am thankful for being alive...

But I try my best never to lie.

Our friend Bob, on the other hand, seems to have settled into his new life quite nicely!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Bob Has A New Daddy Now...

...and a new family as well!

Yesterday Bob The Van Eating Dog went off to live with his new folks. People with 3 age proper kids...BIG yard...and lots of care and love. Here's a picture of Bob doing the "Idiot Check" to see if he left anything behind:

Here he is, all packed and waiting for the new family to arrive.

All in all, he has been a real trooper. And in some ways I am sorry to see him leave, but it's for the greater good. It is much better for him to be in a house than a van....evan if a Conversion Van Of Wonders.

So, God Bless Bob and may he and his family have an absolutely wonderful Thanksgiving together!

For moi....sadly quiet in here.
It is what it is.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Me...I Could Freeze And Turn In To A "Scootsicle"....

...but Bob The Van Eating Dog....he gets to look all "Bad Ass" in his new hoodie!

The nice young lady who stopped by 2 days ago, came back again with this for your fav dog and mine, Bob. Had some encouraging words regards his possible adoption.

Let's keep hoping!

Until next time....

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I LOVE "The McRib"!

The McRib Saves Lives!

O.K....full disclosure time. Since Sunday, 9 P.M. I have eaten:

6 Hostess Vanilla "Zingers"
4 Tastee Cake "Vanilla Lovers" Cupcakes
1 McRib

A young man from the now deceased pizzeria stopped by Camp Scooter-South and brought me one these. I lost all control and devoured it, savoring every last messy morsel!

When you buy a McRib, an Angel gets it's wings!

I just went over to get a cup of coffee during their "Any Size Coffee $1.00" deal. I have a mug I use that has traveled near and far with me for some 20 years. I had 3, one got lost, the other hidden somewhere in The Conversion Van Of Wonders.

I go to the condiment/soda fountain area and put in my cream and sugar, as is my want to do before pouring said Java. I take the well traveled mug and place it on the counter to order a, presumably, large coffee.

This is where it turns a tad unpleasant!

This manager type who obviously enjoys McDonald's food far more than I gives me this....look. A not very friendly....look. I order the coffee and he mutters "large coffee" as he seemingly, reluctantly presses appropriate buttons on the cash register.

I hand the mug over to a very nice young lady who takes it to the coffee pot to pour in said Java. As she starts this manager type says to her it's a large coffee.

I figure no big deal.

She brings the mug to me and I ask her if she would fill it all the way up, maybe was an 1/8 of an inch from the top. She smiled, and said sure...and went back to the pot. Faster than a White Castle Slider passes through your system, said manager type goes to mildly scold her that next time she should take a large McDonald's cup, fill it with coffee so as to measure the amount of said Java received by moi. Suffice to say, he had an attitude and tone!

SIDETRACK: Ray Crock's widow (Ray is the one who made this chain what it is today. He didn't create it, but bought it from 2 brothers and had a vision) is an uber progressive! For quite sometime I would not purchase food there, as she has this thing about funding progressive causes and candidates. Needless to say, she pushes "Green" on the franchise. No paper towels, only blowers. Recycled napkins and cardboard food containers.

Obviously said manager type didn't get that memo. He would waste a paper coffee cup in order to avoid an 1/8 of an inch of said Java from reaching my lips! I am by NO means a Green type. I hug no trees nor do I endorse that Climate Change fraud. Truth be told, I put my "Carbon Footprint" up Al Gore's Ass! But waste is why do it.

Then in an accent thicker than a "Wendy's Big Frosty" muttered something about needing to get his pay check, meaning, that 1/8 of an inch of coffee was going to deny his family the means of survival.

I think he just doesn't like homeless guys!

He obviously is not from these here parts, as the accent was certainly Hispanic in nature. Now before ANYONE accuses me of racism or prejudice, here are couple of facts!

I grew up with migrant workers and their kids when I lived in between two farms in Joliet, Ill. We all played together...ate together...were always welcome in my home. The owner of the deceased pizzeria immigrated here from Honduras and became a part of my extended family. And during this homeless adventure I am on, Hispanics have been a generous and supportive group to me here at Camp Scooter-South. I have never seen harder working people in my life.

I do admit to not liking Mexican food at all. To me it smells like feet, and I like my beans cooked right the FIRST time! I also admit to approving of deportation of ANYONE here illegally and a strong, secure border both South and North.


(Like how I avoided the..."Why some of my best friends are..." sandpit?)

But I digress....

More than irking my liver, I found this kind of amusing. I mean, this guy actually stated that my wee bit-O-coffee was going to impact his personal bottom line. The Kindly Widow Crock probably donates to any number of homeless focused charities.

Just sayin'

I have no doubt this guy is a solid employee and earns every penny he is paid. I give him credit for learning the language and, if he has children, is most likely old school in wanting them to have a better life than he. I would encourage him to bring to mind from time to time those who guided, helped, encouraged, and gave him a break or two along the way. Karma can be a lover or a chose for her.

I like McD's Java better than most. CERTAINLY better that Starbucks! And there is no doubt regards my devotion and worship to the All Powerful McRib. I believe in Happy Meals and voted for Mayor McCheese. Ronald is the only clown, next to Emmett Kelly, I don't find scary.


I am enjoying said Java as I type this, and back on track with my food austerity program.

Until next time.....

P.S. Posted using McD's Free WiFi! Thanks, Kind Widow Crock.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Ok..Ok..That Last One Was A Bit Self Indulgent..

...but it felt right at the time.

Here's the deal, in case you are interested.

I have pretty much given up. I exist simply to survive. What little delusion of "Hope" I had accumulated over the course of time evaporated February of 2009 and any fresh "Hope" has yet to find it's way to me or me to it. The image I chose for the preceding entry was not simply a broken heart. (That's in too many pieces to restore.) It was the overall image, the flag of surrender in a broken body and a soul that is simply quite tired.

I know...wah wah wah...the WAHmbulance is coming. Pity party and all that...get it out of your system in the comments section. I figure this will be more appealing to the morbidly curious types.

I, in all sincerity, have tried. I really have. I had a young man tell me the other evening, quite sincerely, that I loved life way too much.

If he only knew.

Less than an hour so after saying that, crap starts all over again. Reality sinks in...

I got the results from the neuro guy regards my brain and it's not so good. Seems I had some mini strokes and that the capillaries leading deep into my grey matter are hardening and thickening. My main arteries seem swell..but that's a double edged sword. Should Mr. Plaque decide to go spelunking in the deepest most recesses of my mind and gets stuck, my ability to speak is pretty much kaput.

This, I believe, is a progressive disease, much like the Obama regime.

So I have halted all medical stuff, but for the stroke prevention measures, thus passing the savings on to you, the taxpayer. A debilitating brain attack would be a new kind of hell for me. I need my faculties in order to follow my path.

Then I got the call about my stuff in storage. It goes to auction on December 4th. Everything that says "I was here"...all my interests, passions, hobbies, etc. will be sold to the highest bidder who most likely will toss the personal stuff (unless it's one of them there nosey, snoopy types) and sell off or keep for themselves my collections, past presents, mementos.

The ever mentioned "Final Straw".

SIDETRACK: Before anyone wants to disparage the storage place, the woman there has tried to work with me on all this. I am simply without resource nor tools to alter the finale.

So why hang around to see that happen? Things are adding up to my conclusion. I had 2 opportunities to let this transpire over the last 14 months. The first shot was Oct. 5th when I had my successful heart attack. I held off any help for a long time and only caved in when the thought of my oldest son watching me die in front of him popped in my head. Then I had 911 called into action.

The 2nd was my go 'round with diverticulitis. The intense pain I was suffering made me cave in to going to the E.R. and letting them have a go at me. If I had gone on one more day, they said, it would have ruptured and Peritonitis would have moved me to my condo in the sky with a view and Triple Play FiOS.

I had planned for today, Monday Nov. 15th, to be the day I start working in earnest of my personal "Kolinar". (google it)

To stop eating.
Focus on my direction.
Let go what hinders me.

SIDETRACK: I had actually planned on begining this a while ago, but McDonald's brought back The McRib! Now it can be said: McRib Saves Lives!

As I go through this emo-dump, I am surprised at what I am finding affects and moves me. Who knew? Certainly not me! One of the odd effects is not being able to watch this season of "House, M.D." because of 5 words Dr. Huddy let fly at the end of last season's finale.

Go figure. Anyhow.....

The signposts are all there:

My solitary source of nourishment closed it's doors yesterday. It was not only my eatery, it was a sort of home. The proprietor and his family all but adopted me. His younger son gave me a memento and started sobbing as the doors were closing and I took my leave. The littlest one was falling asleep as I got to say goodbye.

It was sad, no doubt. Closest situation I will ever have of being a Grandpa.

I'll miss the games of "Slapjack".

My diverticulitis is acting up significantly. When I was hospitalized with it this past spring, I was not allowed to eat or drink anything for nearly 7 days. Thus, fasting now even under the best of times, would be called for.

I also find myself thinking about what I'll miss, post 98.6:

Billary splitting the DNC into shards when she challenges Barry for the Presidential nod in 2012!

Going to Disneyworld as an adult, not a parent, with a significant other of the female variety on my arm. Then later, back at the room, she dresses up to look like my dream girl, Arielle, confesses that Prince Eric is actually gay, only loved her for her voice until someone played Judy Garland for him, and now spends all his time with his man servant in The Study listening to Judy belt out show tunes! (I mean, c'mon. Did you see the sequel. He wouldn't even get his toes wet to save his daughter!)

And she craves a REAL MAN!

I am dressed up like John Smith from "Pocahontas". The images are endless!
(Yeah, I know Mel Gibson voiced John Smith. But my imaginary s.o. is neither Russian nor bears me any offspring)

If the N.Y. Jets go to The Superbowl. They are on F I R E this season!

Traveling in Ireland, England, and making faces at The French.

The capture of bin laden.

The conviction and imprisonment of Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters.

The Inauguration of President Palin with V.P. Bobby Jindal at her side.

The imagination spins.......

I had hoped to be out of this area by today, the writings on the Conversion Van Of Wonders window scrubbed so as to not be so recognizable, as well as altering my appearance. I am obligated to my friend who is between driving privileges for a bit yet, so I will be roaming about New Jersey.

But right now my auto insurance is lapsed and I am stuck. How is that an issue, you may ask...

I get caught driving without insurance, my vehicle is confiscated, Bob The Van Eating Dog is in a shelter or worse, and my goals thwarted. Doesn't fit in with my plans.

As for Bob....

He will hopefully be found by someone who can take him in. As I play this all out in my head, the saddest part is leashing him to a pole with a note explaining his current state of affairs. I'd have to say that chokes me up the most. I will probably be an absolute puddle when it comes to pass. As much as he has driven me crazy, he has been a real trooper through all of this. If you happen to be the one who finds him, know you are keeping company with a VERY special dog!

"SIGNS" SIDETRACK: Subsequent to typing all of this, a girl stopped by concerned about Bob. After talking for a bit, it turns out she may have a friend who is looking for an older dog.
(Wow..another Mel Gibson reference!)

Now, before anyone figures they are gonna "rescue" me, know this. You come to visit, we can enjoy each others company and shoot the shit for a while. However, if I sense for a heartbeat your intentions are what would be considered conventionally honorable, I will bid you adieu and close my door in a New York minute. I will also FINALLY post about this guy I met and the group he belongs to y'all quote almost daily.

As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I will decline any and all Thanksgiving invitations, as I have turned down 4 already. Not doing Christmas either. I celebrate the birth of Christ, no doubt, but "holidays" to me represent a false promise of hope. If you are inclined to share your tables and festivities, check with your nearest military installation about an Adopt-A-Serviceperson program. Many have such programs for service people stuck where they are and away from home for the holidays. Also, food banks are SCREAMING for donations this year, thanks to Obama's "Summer Of Recovery" success. Please keep them and other food drives on your radar.

Who knows, I may wind up changing my perspective due to some divine inspiration and intervention and feel like a complete idiot for posting any of this. However, that seems really unlikely.

Emotionally: I am all but numb and dead already.
Spiritually: I pray daily to be called home.
Practicalities: What Obama and his ilk and regime have done, and are doing, to this nation make any foreseeable improvement in things impossible. The "Tea Party" election was great! And at some point, there will be improvement. Thing is, Barry is not as savvy as Slick Willie was. Bill saw the writing on the wall and would sign what Newt and the folks sent him. Obama is too mired in his own fantasies, delusions, and ego. He is a no talent thug ideologue that is not really that smart, whose his strings are pulled by Soros and progressive special interests.

Sage words from a guy who lives in a van! Not just any van, though! The Conversion Van Of Wonders!'s still just a van.


Until next time....

Monday, November 8, 2010

Signing Off

Watch this space Dec. 4th.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

PLEASE READ...Missing Rescue Dog

This will be up for a period of 2 weeks or if the dog, Jane, is found. I am setting this up as a "sticky" posting so it stays on top. Please read below for current postings.

Thanks in advance

From The Poster:

Lost Dog

Lost 11/2/10 on Flanders-Netcong Rd., Flanders Golden Retriever mix, red collar
Very skittish, please do not chase.
Please call us ASAP with sightings.
$$ REWARD for her safe return

NOTE: The image is not the best. Hopefully I can get just a pic from seeker and replace what you see below.

"Jane is a dog I've been fostering for about 2.5 weeks. She very skittish and was just getting used to having us touch her. We believe she was owned by an older man who passed away. Based on the way she acted, I don't believe she was socialized with people, not even really with her owner. She shies away from being touched. She would only eat once a day even when I gave her food more often. She would not take treats though we did manage to have her eat pieces of chicken occassionally."

Friday, October 29, 2010

Car Stories

Some recent and ongoing instances prompted not only the title of this posting, but the thoughts and memories expressed here.

Kindly bear with really does all add up.

Yesterday I had the good fortune to drive and be seen in a 2002 JaguarS 5 Speed Manual Trans. My friend who is in between driving privileges needed to go to Toms River, and we left The Conversion Van Of Wonders behind for this one. I must note that Bob The Van Eating Dog behaved with the decorum said vehicle commands.

The leather interior is fully intact!

This car is sweet! When on the Parkway, I would be up around 90 and not even know it. Concentration as to MPH was certainly called for. And it's funny how people look at you when in control of transportation such as this.

It was a very nice break....

Which brings me to the point of this posting.

Back in the '70's when I was working in nightclubs I owned my first sportscar, a Datsun (now Nissan) 260Z. Damn skippy car! 2 Seater, Standard Trans, and completely manual steering. This car was da' bomb. I did all my own work on it and drove it with love and pride. Paid $4,600.00 some on 1970's dollars for it.

Pretty good for a nightclub singers income.

It met it's demise at the hands of a drunk driver rounding a corner at some 80 MPH in Paterson and hitting the right, front wheel square on. The frame was bent into oblivion. No one was hurt, but the car was headed toward room temperature.

Great car, it was. Between the insurance totalling it and what I was able to sell it for, I actually made a profit! I love Capitalism.

The Jag brought back that feeling of get up and go horsepower!

My next car was a Lincoln Mark IV. I decided I wanted something a fair bit classier and, frankly, gaudy, in a classy flashy kind of way. The interior was Kelly Green and comfy as hell. The ride was like being on air and, believe it or not, handled in a very similar fashion to the 260Z. Cornered quite nicely, thank you!

The car had to be sold 'cause I had gotten betrothed and the new wife and I bought a 1970 VW Camper Van. That, along with her car, made the Mark IV a luxury we didn't need.

Off it went...but it's memory lingered. It was probably the best car I ever owned.

Over the course of the ensuing years I had 2 Chrysler New B I G one ( that would "pee" on my leg from an often clogged A.C. drain hose)...and one that was 1980's-ized for the tree huggers. The latter one talked to me and had the oh so useless feature of an A.M. Stereo radio. Only stereo stations it could find were an All News one out of New York, and some french speaking Canadian station I could only get in the winter and at night.

It used to tell us "A door is a jar" We'd tell it a door is a door, stupid car voice!

All the while the memory of my Mark IV lingered in my mind.

Flash forward to 1986...

My late wife's and my fortunes improved a great deal. She half owned a department store (The Economy Dept Store, Stanhope, N.J.) with her brother and I worked for Allied-Signal, now owned by Honeywell.

We owned the home (that I lost in '09) and Reagan was President.

Good times all around.

It was then I got for the very first time a BRAND NEW CAR, ordered before it was born, made just for me to my spec.

A 1986 Lincoln Town Car. EVERY option, sans Landau Roof, was included. And for the first time, I got a car on a lease.

Doing the lease thing turned out to be a huge mistake! The car was in the shop consistently for brake issues, and at that time, New Jersey's "Lemon Law" did not cover leased vehicles. That the law was modified is due to my car. My oldest son played on the same Little League team as the son of the guy who ran the Motor Vehicle Agency at that time. I told him my situation and he put into motion adding leases to the lemony scent thing.

I was a bit of a mover and shaker back in the day! Someday I may reveal my time as a lobbyist in D.C.

However, I digress.

I learned a lesson at that time that, in the midst of my homeless adventure, has come back into play.

2 kinds of people own Town cars:

A. Those who should and have the class to be seen in one and the means to afford it.

B. Those who shouldn't but do, because they got left money in a will, won the lottery, etc. and are vulgar, ignorant windbags trying to be something they aren't.

It is, without boast, I can honestly state that during my tenure as a Lincoln Town Car owner I was in the former of the 2.

I now have a kinda, sorta acquaintance of someone that is the latter, times 2. And drives one similar to the one shown below, only a gaudy metallic blue.

There is this guy who is obsessed with me and my current state of affairs. He can't help but to drive past Camp Scooter South at The Home Of Falling Prices and yell out to me, of all things:


Go figure.

I have yet to fully get this guy's licence number, but I have caught a good look at him and his "well fed" children. If MTV had existed in the late 70's and "The Jersey Shore" was using ignorant, obnoxious types, this guy would be the star. I think I was temporarily blinded by the sun's reflection off the gold "Horn" around his ample neck.

SIDETRACK: I have yet to see a single episode of said program, but read about it, hear about it all the time. Once I was at a checkout and saw an article about Snookie that said she at one time had an eating disorder that brought her down to about 88 pounds.

Now Snookie is just wee bit too tall to make biscuits for Keebler, so 88 on her looked really good. So I guess on Planet Twiggy in the Anorexia System she was a chubster back then, but not here on Tera Firma. Currently she appears to be a doughnut and a slice of pizza away from forever being emblazed on the label of "Mama Snookie's Tomato Sauce" jars.

Just sayin'...

So anyhow, Chubsy Ubsy drove past and would yell said insult as loud as he could. Displaying untoward behaviour for an owner of a Town Car, I could only surmise a few things:

A. Someone died and left him some cash. People of a Lincoln Town Car Stature would refrain from such boorish displays of behaviour.

(When driving the Jag yesterday, I immediately and instinctively exhibited proper demeanor for a car of that stature. Drives home, no pun intended, this guy's Springer Guest nature)

B. That he, like almost all of us, are frustrated with Obama and the regime and needed to vent, in an undignified way, to let off steam. I understand this, as I am NO fan of this President, and just kinda let it go. I presumed he associated my current state of affairs with Obama's vision of a "victim society" O&O'd by the government. So...que sera.. I just brushed off, figuring I did a public service, even if for one of the intellectually challenged.

This is...he doesn't know when to quit. It has ratcheted up to the point his tone is becoming unsettling and his well fed kid chimes in now as well. I wonder to myself, if he is capable of this in the light of day with people all around, what might be the next step when he sees the Bush Tax Cuts expire and he indulges in some cheap beer, come evening time.

He has started yelling at me where ever he see the van now. It is escalating.

So allow me to tell Chubsy Ubsy these facts:

One doesn't live in the same home for 27 years being a ward of the state.
I will have to file a return, and probably pay some taxes for 2010.
I rebuilt myself twice before, rising from the ashes, and making something work with little resource. Might even do that one more time, this go 'round

SIDETRACK: When I owned my Lincoln Cars, I didn't use them to deliver verbal weapons of mass distraction. In fact, one time when vacationing in The Pocono's with my late wife and 2 kids there was a reverse incident.

She had gone into an IGA for some food and all while I stayed in the car as my youngest slept. I noticed a young couple, maybe early 20's, walk to their older , worn truck about 2 rows in front of me. His eyes caught mine for a sec, and I could read his lips as he said to himself, maybe his wife as well:

"Rich motherf&*(kers"

His glare was hostile, without question. All I was doing was sitting in my car with my sleeping toddler, and this guy hated me for it. Truth be told, I can understand that more than Chubsy Ubsy's outbursts. Frankly, I felt bad for the guy and his wife.

That young and that bitter....angry...beyond their years.

Guess I just can't win the Battle O' De' Vehicles.

WOW...this is getting long.

So in closing, I would probably say to this guy....

"Walk a mile in MY shoes, food giant! Better you should walk than taint the Lincoln Town Car brand"

Until next time....

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I know, I know....

...I shoulda written sooner. Thing is SOOOO much going on in my head...trying to organize it for this medium.

I do want to send a H U G E THANK YOU and shout out to my friend who got me a little space heater that does not throw a clot through my generator. Heats things quite nicely, even when up against BIG winds and cold temps! He has also assumed the role of "Gasoline Genie", making petrol appear overnight!

SIDETRACK: We had 2 days of really intense, non-stop winds here. And since I am parked on a hill with no natural barriers, The Conversion Van Of Wonders was rocking as if I really did have a "social" life.

A big thank you and God bless as well to all who stopped by the last couple of days.

Had my M.R.I. on Thursday as well as a test to check my brain stem and something else. Next week is the E.E.G. and some procedure to test my optic nerves. Will post all results when I have them.

Plus a visit to the dentist on Tuesday.

Oh...and my new goal of quitting smoking...for good!

Until next time....

Saturday, October 9, 2010

The Medical Saga Begins..... the Dentist. Had my first fillings in who knows how long on Friday and set up appointments for my mouth's renewal.

SIDETRACK: I use the word "Saga" as opposed to "Journey" for a reason. I am sick of that word being used on everything from American Idol to The Maury Show "Who The Baby Daddy" episodes when a girl comes on for the umpteenth time for DNA results. What gets me is when after the 10th guy is found not to be the sperm donor, they run off the stage crying in shame. They simply need to admit that the brand of panties they buy has a unique attraction to gravity that has science baffled.

It would explain everything!

A Journey is something you do up a mountain with a big stick looking for wisdom and a Wiseman. Not multiple DNA test failure appearances or if you lose a singing competition!


I saw a Neuro Guy on Thursday who has ordered a battery of tests on me. Stuff I never thought of like my optical nerves and carotid arteries. MRI, EEG, and some test where electrodes are embedded in my skull and I look at light on a computer screen. This should be interesting.

Go figure.

After the dentist I went to my G.P.'s for a regular med exam and a couple of things happened.

My BP was 160/90 and she finally convinced me to take meds to control it

I have this bulb growing on my left elbow that she really got concerned about. seems if it's just fluid from banging it, no biuggie. But if it signals an infection in the joint, it get rather messy.

Who knew?!?!?!

So she went about trying to line me up then and there with a bone guy. No luck, so I am off to an appointment Monday with a bone guy, after having "stat" blood work and X-Rays done.

All told, my upcoming med appointments keep me locked down in N.J. through the beginning of November, which means I am stuck here for Halloween.

SIDETRACK: I was trying to come up with a clever costume this year and came up with the idea of being a "VANpire" (you'll get it in a second..." Since transmission fluid is the only "Red" fluid in here, my catch phrase would have been:

"I vant to suck your tranny"
But that's really, REALLY "gay"!

So it's back to last year's costume. The homeless, nameless, bearded guy who offers kids candy from a van.

HUGE hit in '09!

But I digress...which, after all, defines a "Sidetrack".

Your humble narrator faces some rather daunting scenarios. Even the dental work will be extensive. So keep good thoughts and prayers to the Deity that best suits your needs for a Bit-O-Providence to happen my way.

From "The Home Of Falling Prices"....

Until next time.............

Monday, October 4, 2010

Today And Tomorrow....

I started this entry at 11:45 P.M. and will wrap it up after midnight.

As of this day, I have lived in The Conversion Van Of Wonders with Bob The Van Eating Dog for 14 months, but for a few nights in the hospital.

Oddly, the year went by pretty fast. I was surprised. I still don't miss the house at all. Just 2 days ago the new owner stopped me and asked about a couple of things, and I felt nothing....nada..and just answered his question to the best of my recollection. Even offered to stop by and show him a couple more things.

I have been in there more than a dozen times since the lockout 14 months ago.

What I do miss is the stuff that disappeared with home ownership.

Significant Acquaintances
A Kitchen

I really like to cook.

But by and large, I guess I am doing ok. I was just given a NEW down alternative queen size, 250 thread count, comforter in a nice neutral brown. It will go with the beige flannel sheet set I got at a yard sale last year, BRAND NEW, for 3 bucks. Got to get my winter stuff down from the rooftop carrier and launder it all.

It's 11:51 P.M. now. After midnight I will continue with the anniversary of the biggest mistake I made all year....

Stay tuned!

(tick tock...tick tock...)

DING! 12:00 A.M. Tuesday, Oct. 5th

My bigest mistake of the year? Using 911. Had I not, simply blew it off as strained muscles from stuff I was doing at the storage units, this would all have been done.

Live and learn....won't make that same mistake again.

And since I DID make the error in judgement, I guess I will write more stuff here and see if anyone is interested.

So...until next time....

Saturday, October 2, 2010

What You Say To Belligerent White Guys!

At least to someone who emailed me via this blog. I wonder if from DTW, who knows.

Also had a BUNCH of hits from Facebook, as well.

Anyhow my eyes are getting much better and should be fine by monday. And I have a lot to type! See you then,,,,

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I Appreciate Y'All Sticking With Me

Enduring my 2nd bout of conjunctasomething and it's difficult to read anything, let alone type. As soon as my eyes clear up, I'll be back to blathering about this and that, annoying as ever.

Have a tale to tell about my encounter with Numerologists of the 11:11 persuasion. Nice folks, honestly. You can see some comments from one fellow in the "Electricty" post's comments section.

And PLEASE to those who stop by to see Bob The Van Eating dog here at The Conversion Van Of Wonders, no more packages of anything. Bob and I have plenty of food and no space to put anything else. I REALLY appreciate your concern and God Bless you for your generosity, but I have no more space to put anything.

Keep good thoughts, please, for my eyeballs and see you soon.

Until next time...

Monday, September 27, 2010

Hello Custom Design & Engineering, N.J.

Say "Howdy" back!

Do you guys make anything like this?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Electricity Is Fleeting For Me....

Thus, lack of posting. Internet access has been dicey as well.

Still sick...hack..sneezing...etc.

May have a couple of days work this week, as well as helping out a friend of mine inbteween driving privileges. Given that the generator is still awaiting the Voltage Regulator and I use The Conversion Van Of Wonder's engine for energy and heat, gas has been a real issue once again.

Anyhow...this will be brief and hopefully will be more productive in a few days. Thanks for sticking it out with me.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Not Dead Yet, But......

It's amazing that anyone wonders why I get so morose at times.

I am VERY sick...chest and sinuses, hacking like crazy...have no just's cold out...and no tobacco products.


EDITED TO UPDATE: got better...after getting worse.

Ran out of gas....then battery was drained.

A few people came up and offered me help as well as a very nice young lady who gave me a gift card for Panera Bread. My friend Scott's mom brought some gas and we jumped the car. Making coffee now. Found some stuff to return to The Home Of Falling Prices and that brought in the tobacco products.

The day not as bad as could been!

Until next time....

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Monday, September 6, 2010

Just Seems Appropriate: Soundtrack For Today

Go Figure:

This one makes you inclined to screw or slit your wrists, depending on the circumstance. Erotic, gloomy, evocative, haunting, and extremely sensuous!

Above selections are evocative of mood, not any intent,

Sunday, September 5, 2010


I am typing this from the E.R. of St. Clare's Hospital in Dover, New Jersey. The above pictured sphere decided to wanted some very close contact with my left eye at a reasonable velocity.

Musta been my baby blues!

I was playing with the kids of the owner of Vincenzo's Pizzeria (973-691-8282), Carlos, when said bouncy object decided it needed to become one with my eyeball.

Anyhow, I am currently seeing double out of my left eye. Seeing double with 2 eyes is one thing, but seeing two images from one eye is concerning. At least to me. At least enough for your humble narrator to go to the E.R.

It's 9:40 P.M. and I am in the "Eye Room" awaiting the eye guy. I have no doubt Bob The Van Eating Dog is raising hell and that Security will be seeking me out in short order.

Anyhow..will update as is warranted.

Friday, September 3, 2010

There Is An Expression...

What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

I say...

What doesn't kill me, only serves to keep me in New Jersey!
What doesn't kill me, makes me wish it did!

The scales are definitely tipping in the western direction.

This dain bramage thing is surreal...which I guess could be the definition of surreal.

I see stuff that isn't there sometime. Stuff in front of me takes on personality. I stammer when I speak. The other day what I at first thought was a sparrow, turned out to be a small pine cone. It was fluttering on the ground and everything.

The velocity of the vortex that is The Downward Spiral is a taunting and cruel thing. Stops..starts...accellerates...slows down...

I did a REALLY stoopid thing the other day, Tuesday, that is SOOOOOOOOO stoopid I can't admit it. Nothing illegal, just stoopid. And thing is, I can intellectually see it was stupid but have no effect aside from the momentary feeling stoopid. My vision changes a few times a day, to boot! I had to re-teach myself how to drink from a can...non adult beverage...and aim a light to a cigarette.

There are times when I say certain words that create a certain tone, that vibrate in my forehead making me so dizzy that I have to sit down.

That plus my unappealing appearance, I am in big doo doo.

It's weird.

My father had a MASSIVE stroke when I was 10. It left him unable to speak for decades. He could read, understood everything that was said to him, knew what time and channel for his beloved sports...just couldn't speak.

I often thought he would rally moments before expiring, but if that were to happen, he was robbed of it via being intubated. He was gone by the time I got to the E.R. and I saw said cursed tube inserted down his throat.

I, admittedly, made a bit of a scene in the E.R.

I often wondered what he thought. I imagine he spoke english to himself in his head, just couldn't get his mouth to form the words and speak it. He was VERY aware of what was going on around him.

How surreal!

Now I am getting some idea. The hope is that it is stress and anxiety...MEGA stress and emotional anxiety....and/or a B12 deficiency.

Early onset Alzheimer's has been suggested. The plus to that is I forget all the stressful and heartachey kind of stuff at some point.

I found out last week that I have had full tilt boogie Medicaid since June 1st, so I set up an appointment with a dentist. If I am going to become The Official Jersey State Vegetable, I'll go out with a nice smile for all the promotion material.

I see the neuro guy on the 10th. Guess after that I'll have some answers.

Until next time....

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Win-Win Scenario! To Moi, God's Perfect Food Is.. an All Beef Sabrett Hot Dog.

In a previous life I had an actual Sabrett N.Y. Trailer Push cart in my backyard, for a few reasons.

A. For Parties

B. NOTHING tastes better than a Dirty Water dog!

C. To help compensate for my unpleasant appearance.

2 out of 3 ain't bad!

As you, my valued readers, know I currently live in The Conversion Van Of Wonders. A hodge podge of of stuff that attempts to create a living environ.
A Full Blown Winnie with a Full Blown Hot Dog Stand all in one! What could be better for your unpleasant looking, yet humble, narrator. All the hot dogs I can eat, right where I can sleep off the nitrates and comfortably allow The Circle Of Life For Food work it's magic!

Anyone have 8K? If so, feel free to let me know!

Until next time....

Sunday, August 29, 2010

To Liberally Borrow From Walt Disney's "Pinochio"...

"Hi Diddly Dee, No 'Lectricity For Me"

My generator's Voltage Regulator went ka-blooey!!!! At first it was intermittent, then died altogether!

Sucks for moi.

Fortunately the part is only 30 bucks and all, but now I have no A.C. and the temps are hitting the 90's here again. Also no cooking and Internet is off the car engine, consuming gas like a drunken Buick!

The fun never stops here at Camp Scooter: South!

Until next time.....

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Before I Publish Another Crabby, Morbid, Or Depressing Post...

Who doesn't love puppies and kittens?!?!?

Ok..I should take some time to post things I am truly grateful for and blessed by.

To these little people who remind me nearly every day what innocence truly is:
(In alphabetical order with age)

Dylan 3
Issac (Momo) 3
Nevaeh 1.5
Stephanie 3

It's like being an Uncle again.....even a taste of being a grandparent. Gotta Love It!

Carlos!! Owner of Vincenzo's Pizzeria (Budd Lake 973-681-8282) for feeding me nearly every day and his family for being so terrific and welcoming.

The people who stop and talk with me and/or offer me some support on a daily basis.

SIDETRACK: To the very nice young lady who visited Pet Smart, I regret if I seemed kind of rushed the other day. Just a minute or so before you knocked on the door, I had completed my morning constitutional and was quite self conscious of any lingering....fragrance...from said activity.

Who doesn't love puppies and kittens with Santa?!?!?

For my Russian friend who helps almost daily with my life's blood, gasoline.

To those who truly care about my well being...thank you!

In airtime order:

Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Mark Levin for fighting the good fight, keeping me entertained and informed.

To the "Home Of Falling Prices",,,thanks for your ongoing hospitality.

(Carlos' wife, Gina, just brought me a tuna sub with TONS of toppings!)

To McDonald's and Panera Bread for the Wifi....thanks.

To my intestines for being as cooperative as they have been.

The folks on Hanover Ave. and in Morristown for their efforts and support. Not forgetting Sister Catherine's as well.

And last but certainly no way least...God. Not sure what you are trying to show me, but I keep watching. I look forward to meeting you soon.

I am sure I am forgetting someone or something, but I can blame my dain bramage for that.

So there you go. No whining, no DNR, no dying rainbows.

Until next time...

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Passing Of A Rainbow

Innocence Gone.

As cars and people pass it by
If no one looks
A Rainbow dies
(Me August 22, 2010)

Watch at the end as the colors fade then come back.....fade then come back.....each time a bit more faded. The Rainbow's last gasp!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Fun Never Ends.....

My generator threw a clot before I have, but now I am dead in the water. It runs, but only generates AC for a short period of time, and the DC side of it is not powerful enough to drive my inverter.

My DNR bracelet can't come soon enough!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Exploit Everything!

I have a few expressions I like to call my own. Among them....

Why put off till tomorrow, what can wait till next year!
Nothing exceeds like excess!
And the above captioned Exploit Everything!

Not as sinister as it sounds. What I mean by it is, whatever tools, opportunities, attributes, etc. you are handed, use them to the max.

Exploit Everything!

Add to that a sermon I watched Jim Bakker give once called "Grow Where You Are Planted". It instantly made sense to me.

Well..I am currently "planted" in the parking lot of "The Home Of Falling Prices" and have just a few resources and attributes at my disposal. How do I "MacGyver" this into something profitable.

You'll see....

About a year and a half ago I was made, in no uncertain terms, aware of how unappealing I appear. The "what on earth is she doing with...him?!?!?" kind. The "dating down" kind. And giving my current state of affairs, I am approaching that gaunt, all but haunted look kind.

Quite unappealing!

SIDETRACK: Little Known Fact: My cheek bone structure is the inspiration for Skeletor from "He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe"!

Add to that my current adventure in homelessness.

Exploit Everything!

1st Idea:


The homeless construction materials of choice are cardboard and duct tape. But in these Obamanomic troubled economic times, fewer people seem to be buying major appliances, thus a a shortage of necessary stuff. But I persevere...

I would have a 5X5 foot piece of festively painted cardboard with a few holes cut in it for me to pop my head in and out of. Being homeless and unattractive, people would have a blast trying to bop me with a nerf something.

$5.00 For 1 Minute Playing Time

Yell At A Homeless Guy

What better way to vent than to let your inner seething no longer be silent and directed at an unappealing hobo you could care less about! My dain bramaged, Skeletor self will withstand all the abuse you want to hurl my way about any topic.

Growing Prostate Issues
The list is endless. No touching, hitting, spitting, or throwing stuff at the homeless guy.

$10.00 For 5 Minutes
An Extra $5.00 To Video and YouTube The Session

Exploit Everything!

I suppose I should get these ventures up and running soon. I have auto insurance due next week and need $600.00 for the brain doctor. So keep your eye out for my displays at The Home Of Falling Prices and have it!

P.T. Barnum would be proud of me! So would Joseph (Called John In The Movie)Merrick.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

They Grow Up SOOOO Fast, Don't They????

Back in the 70's I was a "follow my own path" kinda guy.

My friends wore bell bottom pants, I wore gong bottom pants.
If they wore turtle neck shirts. I wore the uncircumcised neck shirts that cover my face up to my nose, like that one odd kid in the Bazooka Joe funnies you got with the gum.

SIDETRACK: What was up with Bazooka Joe's eye patch? I mean, what 8 year old kid has an eye patch? Did it get pulled out when he made too big a gum bubble and it stuck to his eye and yanked? And why were he and his pals like street kids, but all were white?
Inquiring minds wanna know!

So anyhow, I wasn't one to follow the trends.

Ok..who am I kidding? I was a complete whore to what was happening at the time, except for sports stuff and gimmicks. But one gimmick did catch my attention:

Yes...your humble narrator had a Pet Rock named Stanley. I took my stewardship of Stanley quite seriously. He got lot's of sun, mineral supplements daily, and plenty of "Stanley Time" with me.

He went everywhere with me, when he was still pocket sized. But as with all things, he continued to grow and my ability to tend to him compromised, which wasn't fair to him. I found a Pet Rock Rescue facility in, of all place, Boulder, Colorado. They had an excellent program where he and other Pet Rocks could find fellowship with one another, lot's of exercise so as to not gather any moss, as well as proper educational opportunities, mostly vocational.

(picture of Stanley on my Dad's 1966 Pontiac 2+2)
At the Rescue they could learn how to be a part of landscaping, and Stanley had a particular obsession with Stonehenge, aspiring to be like the stones there. I encouraged his dream in the regular letters I would send.

Time passed and Stanley drifted away from me, off to find his place in the sun...and the live out his dream.

Flash Forward.....

In this homeless adventure I am on, I have an ability to be geo-flexible, and decided to use said found freedom to look around and see if I could find Stanley somewhere. I used the Internet search database: and got a lead as to where he is now.

I drove to the location, and there he was!!! Standing proud and tall and all growed up looking like a Stonehenge Boulder....was Stanley!!! Tears welled up in my eyes as I took in how much he had grown, strong and tall, and hoped he didn't hold my sending him for adoption against me.


Towering over the ground that lies in his shadow! Guarding over his little one's that lay at his base. I couldn't be more proud! Those "Flintstone Vitamins With Minerals" really paid off!

He understood my reasons for sending him to Boulder, and actually felt it gave him the best opportunity for fulfilling his dream. He introduced me to his young charges. one of which is named Stanley, Jr. and wants to follow in his Dad's imprint. We chatted a bit more, and the Stanley had to get back to his duties looking all towering and stuff. I had hoped we could email, but he isn't into the arms or fingers. That explains why I never got any letter back from him.

I promised to stop from time to time, and will do my level best to honor that. But I drove away, a lump in my throat, knowing he is doing well, had found his place and is living his dream, Bold and in the Sun!

Until Next Time....