Saturday, January 30, 2010

BIG Challenges, Minor Victories

It's really, REALLY cold out! Last night was a tough one. My feet actually felt like they were dead, due to the drafts in the conversion van.The problem is the drafts in here, not the warmth source. Tonight I will most likely sleep in the middle row of seats to be closer to the heat. Plus, my left leg, from hip to ankle, has me walking like some old guy.

Welcome to aging.

But my minor triumph?

I made a burger!

From fresh ground beef!

I used the NuWave oven I bought at a yard sale in September for 7 bucks to cook it. ShopRite, my and Bon Jovi's FAV supermarket, had a great sale on ground beef. So I bought about 3 pounds, knowing I had room in the faux fridge to keep it fresh.

I formed the pattie...cooked it, and damn it was fine! The flavor a little less that I was used to, but I don't have a lot of spices in the conversion van. None the less, the texture and all was perfect!

While you stay warm, keep warm thoughts for moi. I may have to run the van's engine all night to keep up with the cold, but it is what it is, and I'll deal with it.

Until next time....

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

El Wrappo, Upto....That's Spanish!

I know...I know..I tend to milk stuff. Things I mention again and again, while searching inside myself for new material. That, plus I need to get my homeless on ‘cause who wants a guy like me offering Conan O’Brien career advice? So here goes...

SPECIAL SIDETRACK: I saw online yesterday, forgot where and I shoulda bookmarked it, a story about Big Fox luring Coco to their stable. AND...get this...They said that HIS SHOW WOULD BE PRETTY MUCH PAID FOR BY NBC!!!! Just like I suggested! Am I a genius or what? Should I recall where I saw that before I post this, I’ll offer up the link.

This is the LAST time I am gonna mention this stuff. On to new and better things. I am shooting for February 1st or 2nd to be on my way. Where? I dunno...somewhere south. And then I can finish my theory on the coming collapse of things.

No place better to be than not knowing where you are going and on the road to write about the demise of society!

Know what I mean?

So the collapse of society will be mentioned again in a future post. One of the exceptions. Another exception will be my cardio vascular system should it attempt to mess with my plans again. But here will rest the last mentions of my experience of October 5th, 2009.

I like my loose ends like I like my loose women. All wrapped up!

Now “Quickies”:

2009: *FLICK*
Ex-House: *FLICK*
Last Relationship: *FLICK*
2nd Marriage: *FLICK*
Any Hopes For A Bright And Promising Future: *FLICK*
Bob The Van Eating Dog..

Ok, can’t *FLICK* him..but you should see the level of destruction!

Topics, One By One:


I am 54, with a hernia, and having experienced 2 cardiac events. One faux, the other real.

It’s gets you outta stuff!

Someone:”Hey, can you help me lift this?”
Me:”Sorry, I have this hernia, you know.”

Someone:”I can’t get my car started and it’s a standard shift. Can you push it while I try to pop the clutch and start it?”

Me:”Sorry, would love to help, but I am 54 with a hernia and just had 2 cardiac events, one quite real.”


Me: “Damn, I can’t life this heavy item due to my hernia! What shall I do?”
Them: “Oh my, let me do that for you.”

See the advantages?

One time when driving to take my youngest back to college, I created this person to entertain my significant acquaintance , who I called, “Affliction Man”! It was this character that wanted to help, but something in his physiology would get in the way!


Old Lady: Help, that nasty man just stole my purse!”
A.M.: “I would help you, but I have this cramp in my leg. I am Affliction Man!”

Them:”Help, my cat is stuck in a tree!”
A.M.: “I want to so much, but my inner ear infection prevents me from climbing to any heights. I am Affliction Man!”

So now you can see my obsession with that topic!

Now, regards my cardio thingie:

I asked a cardiologist, if he was a Heart attack, what would be his goal? I was seeking to finally call mine either a semi or quite successful cardiac adventure. I mean, there has to be a bottom line....something it wants to accomplish. Well, he just kinda stared at me for a moment then asked if I knew what psycho-tropics were and did I have issues with my mother.

Mom’s dead, but not from a successful heart attack. So..I will finally call it..

It was successful. There, I said it.

Ok..the suicide song. I have become a wee bit obsessed with it. I mean, how many songs are legend? If you recall, the version by Billie Holiday added a bridge to make it a tad less...morose...and I have been looking for a decent version of the original. While doing so, I found the following version by some gal named Heather Nova. While her performance in the video left me a tad underwhelmed, the musical arrangement flushed out something really, really beautiful in the melody. I also like the little addition between the 1st and 2nd lyric in the 1st and 2nd verse. VERY nice touch! Though the original lyrics kinda reflect it, the melody as flushed out by this arrangement shows that this is truly a love song. Her arranger is a genius! And just what the hell is she doing at the very end of the song??? Sounds like she is calling out to some feral creature.

Go figure.

And since I have a fair amount of time on my hands, my friend Mr. M.B. and I collaborated on a new set of lyrics, using some elements of the original ones. The phrasing of said lyrics don’t translate as well as I would like when reading the printed word, but trust me, they work melodically. I sang them to myself and Bob The Van Eating Dog a number of times.

So here’s what you do....

Watch the video below in full. Then, play it again and read the lyrics Mr. M.B. and I collaborated on.

It was something to do on a cold night. So sue moi. turn....

I am much more, than, I should be, because of you...
Everything that I feel and can be is enhanced by you
The little white flowers bow down when embraced by you
The sky opens wide, and the breeze lets me breathe in you

The angels that watch you have no thought, of me, without you
Would they be angry, if I , ... didn’t see things through

You complete me

I feel spring, and it’s promise, just ‘cause you’re in the room
There is nothing I want more, than a life that is just we two
I live for the touch, the feel , of your sweet caress
Because of that hunger, my days become slumberless

In all of my thoughts, all I see is, I am holding you
Should I draw my last breath, it will be, spent on blessing you

You complete me.

Dreaming, I pray it’s more than just dreaming
When I awake, always find, it’s you there, on my my heart!!!!!!

Darling I hope, that my dream, doesn’t startle you
It only means I can’t live without me being here with you

(Next five sentences presume my arrangement would have a full verse at the end)

You have awoken a part that is new to me
A part without you, I would never have come to see

Please take my musings, and craving for you to be
My need to Spend the rest of your life with me.

You complete me.

Hungarian Suicide Song: *FLICK* (I think) bits..

Office Supplies: *FLICK*
Whining: *FLICK*
Obama: *FLICK* (I Wish!)
Living Past Age 55: *FLICK*
Conan: I’d *FLICK* him but NBC already did , thus making my effort redundant.

Now my new fear and obsession:


Slinky..threat or menace?

How The Evil Slinky corrupts our youth by teaching the adolescent boy the "in front of you, hand over hand”, method of self abuse! And the breaking down of the young girl’s self worth as she learns the method of determining if her breasts are balanced and “perfect”, only to learn in the future, they are not..and never will be! Leading her into a life of self loathing and substance abuse.

Watch the following 1960's commercial and you’ll see! Behold the evil Slinky march down the steps in hopes of world domination Cringe as you see a young Robert Gibbs, Obama’s Press Secretary, as he offers a villainous laugh while teaching the evil Slinky to walk human like, side by side leg human style, down the inverted plank of doom in the hopes of global conquest and progressive imperialism!

And, obviously, those are Keebler Elf one has stairs that small!

Be afraid! Be very, very afraid!

Until next time...if there IS a next time....

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Mass. Has Class, Kicks Obama In The Ass!! But I really wanna talk about Conan!

SIDETRACK: I am digesting what happened in Mass. And looking at the left nut cases response to it before I finish my treatise in the previous posting.

CONGRATS to the voters of Massachusetts and the rejection of what the progressives have been doing to this great Republic of ours. And to a brilliant campaign run by Senator Scott Brown!

Pelosi and Reid can go jump in a lake, too!

OK, on to Conan.....

We all know he was hosed by NBC. And NBC is being hosed as well, by its own doing. The ultra left news department and progressive messages in prime time programming, and the UBER left MSNBC are killing their bottom line.

Good, I say!

Now here’s another dagger that can be put in Zucker (NBC) and Imelt’s (G.E.:NBC Parent Company) backs.

Conan is being paid some reported 33 odd million dollars to step away from The Tonight Show and leaving it back in Jay Leno’s hands. He was also able to get approximately 12 million in severance for his staff, and will pay them more out of his own pocket.

Parts of that deal are:

A. He can’t badmouth NBC for a period of time.
B. Can’t be back on the air any earlier than September of 2010.
C. Has to recompense NBC for any difference between what they will give him versus whatever a new contract pays that he gets where ever he winds up.

Here’s my idea! Get’s ANY network to snap him and continues the screwing of NBC ad infinitum!

He works for FREE!!! That’s right, F R E E !!!!

Let’s say he goes to big FOX. 11:30 P.M. show. Firstly, would give him a 5 minute jump on the competition.

SIDETRACK: If you don’t think that 5 minutes would make a difference, think again! Ted Turner took his Superstation WTBS schedule and moved everything by 5 minutes. So every show there ended 5 minutes later than any other show on TV, thus holding on to viewers who might have skipped over to Superstation WGN or local reruns. TBS and sister networks are monsters now. So, yeah, 5 works.

Ok, Conan cuts a deal with FOX for whatever number of years NBC would have to keep paying him for. FOX’s out of pocket would then just be production and staff costs. They get a GREAT deal, Conan gets a new show, and NBC gets screwed. Win, win, WIN!

See, living in a conversion van with lots of office supplies following a semi-successful heart attack pondering conspiracy while enjoying WiFi internet can really add up to something, sometimes!

Until Next Time....

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Why, In Many Ways, I Am O.K. With Being Mobile. was either you or me....

Worst year of my life...EVER! It was either the year would die by December 31st or I would put a bullet in my head. It started out really, really promising.

Reinvigorated relationship...promising new business venture....winning the lottery..

It all died February 16th. I probably should have died on the 17th. That’ll teach me to be hopeful and optimistic!

But here I am typing...despite the faux and semi-successful heart attacks.

Ok...let me says this straight away...

I am not a conspiracy minded kind of guy. I have never seen Black Helicopters...

Wait...that’s not true. Once I saw three but it was for a movie being shot near here. At least that’s what I was told by the guys in the black suits.

I don’t lunch with Elvis nor do I go fishing with Bigfoot.

Those things being said....I’ll proceed.

First, two pieces of very recent history.

During the recent Presidential Campaign, Barack Obama said this:

3 important words: National Security Force!

A few months ago Iran held national elections that many felt were corrupt and the results all but fraud. Many Iranians took to the streets and protested in the strongest fashion the outcome of the voting. We witnessed via phonecam video on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook the violence that beset those protesting in the streets of Tehran. One bit of footage caught the shooting death of a promising, young Iranian girl named Neda Agha Soltan, making her the face of this revolt. I won’t embed the video but you can find it by doing a search on her name.

The main pro-government forces confronting the protesters was a civilian, government sponsored and paid militia. The Basij-e Mostaz'afin Militia.
A national civilian security force!

Keep all of this in the back of your head as you read further along.

While Bush was still President, there was a congressional effort to create, in essence a amnesty for illegal immigrants currently in the country. What was unique about this was the level of bi-partisan support...the likes of Harry Reid arm in arm with John McCain....etc. There was a groundswell of grass roots opposition fueled by the internet and talk radio, that created a tsunami of phone calls, emails, faxes, etc. to Washington.

Members of Congress who feared for their seats in the House and Senate backed away in sizable numbers from supporting any legislation of this type.

No in the street in your face town hall meetings...just voices and letters...and call ins to talk radio. That made support for this legislation vaporize.

This is all important...hold this in the middle of your head!


I used to joke that on New Years Eve that year, I would have my generator running, and watch the food riots in high definition.

Never happened. But via my 11' satellite dish, I was able to watch Celine Dion do two concerts in two time zones in Canada.

I have been known to ponder out loud about some disasters coming our way. Some I nailed...some I was WAY off base...some I was in the ballpark.

When 911 happened, I wasn’t surprised at all. Shocked, saddened, outraged...but not surprised.

After the following is posted, some who know will say there he goes again.

Others may know, he’s got something there.

When I detailed to JFK via phone in his hidden hospital room what I am about to state here, he fell into the latter camp. I tried telling Elvis first, but all I got was his voice mail. (Hey..I said I don’t do lunch with him...never said we don’t talk from time to time. )

Say what you will, this past year has seen a lot of passion coming from the masses. Health Care Reform and Cap And Trade, as well as colossal spending on the part of the Obama Administration has motivated millions to get involved in the process.

Raucous Town Hall Meetings....millions marching in the streets around the nation and in D.C. From the Tea Parties to rallies in the nations capitol, this has been an “in your politician’s face” kinda phenomenon. That the majority of the nation opposes the policies of this administration as well as the progressive’s legislative agendas should be of such a concern to office holders, that many would bend to the will of the people. Makes sense, no?

Remember, the amnesty for illegals support folded just via phone calls, faxes, and emails. This time the citizenry is front and center in person. Switchboards servers crashing...and D.C. being shut down by mass protests.

Part Two Coming Soon, but first, follow this link!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Show This To Everyone You Know!

Like I said, in my January 3rd posting, this summer is going to be hell. And it won't come from the right, it will be a firestorm from the left trying to keep power. I wonder if the elections will even take place!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Man, do I wish algore was right!!!

A little Climate Change to go, please!
The conversion van is showing her age. I am amazed at all the drafts in here. And of course the circulating air only enhances the fragrance Eu Di Bob.

Last night was a tough one. Not the first tough one, but the first I am writing about. Without a wind outside, the space heater can handle things fairly well. But when it's blowing, the heater gets a run for it's money.

SIDETRACK: This is just to show how my odd mind works, sometimes.

I lost my 1st wife to cancer in 1990. Hard to believe it's been 20 years. Flash forward to 911. I thought about her for some reason, and compared my experience with what I could imagine were those whose loved ones didn't make it out of the Twin Towers. The wife who slept through her husband's leaving for the day, thus missing that last kiss. The husband who parted company with his wife that morning, each of them still angry at one another. Imagine having that kind of dangling conversation.

If there was one advantage to her cancer it was there's very little left unsaid between the two of us. We knew what the result of things would be, and worked in that framework. If nothing else, I had some comfort in that I wouldn't have to deal with things unspoken. I would bet that those left behind on 911 had that same rock to hold on to, as well.

Years later, I had a conversation with a cousin of her's who had just gone through the same thing I did. And he, too, found comfort in that little was left unsaid.

So last night as I am trying to get to sleep, and this morning when I first awoke, doing my best to get something resembling warm, I thought of truly homeless people. (As I have stated, I have a home...the conversion van...just no address.) Those living under bridges, sleeping over sewer grates for the rising steam heat. A family in a tent in some park huddled and shivering together like a 5 Dog Night sharing body warmth.

A senior citizen trembling but awake in the middle of the night. Afraid to sleep because they don't want to freeze to death.

This is how my odd mind works sometimes. I compare my experiences to others in similar circumstance, and then see I don't have it that bad.

Reminds me of how things could be worse.

I don't have it so bad.

Sure I want to find a motor home or trailer to live in. (Trailer would be preferable, 'cause then I could audition for Jerry Springer's show.) But I have electric, a space heater, my faux fridge, and internet. Sometime between the 13th and 27th of this month, I have to be on my way. The folks who have been VERY gracious in allowing me to be parked where I am for the last months, want a new view out their windows.

I can't blame'em!

At that point I'll worry about how it could get worse for yours truly.

So, though I may shiver, frostbite for now is not a concern. I may have to pee in something that contains a product which has a "Sell By Date 12/31", but it's under a roof and not up against a tree.

SIDETRACK REDUX: This is one area I envy Bob The Dog...waste management. The Circle Of Life for food. He just sniffs, lifts a leg, or sniffs then squats, and Viola'...done! He doesn't even care if I am watching. However he still can not write his name in the snow. Not enough pee and too many letters.

Hopefully when I do head out and south, the extreme cold they are experiencing now will have moved on. As I am writing this, they are getting snow and sleet in Florida! We'll see. And of course, I'll post pictures.

I encourage you the next time you put on a sweater so you can keep your heater at 65, or have to shovel your sidewalk, or have to use a flashlight and candles because the power got knocked off. Take a moment, breathe deep, and think how it could be worse. A LOT worse. Then keep a good thought for those less lucky than I.

Turn thoughts into dollars with The Salvation Army.

Until next time...

Sunday, January 3, 2010

What I Am Watching Now


SIDETRACK A: In spite of what anyone might think, I am not suicidal. And from a few emails sent my way, some got that impression. Thing is, New Years Eve to moi is basically a couples, adult thing. Thanksgiving and Christmas are from people you don't remember. Thus that evening after blowing off, and been blown off, the holidays, I was in a morbidly whimsical mood.

The music I chose was selected because of it's feel and history which is pretty interesting. I would embed the clip that explains it, but the copyright holder doesn't wanna let me do that!


So here is the link. Watch this, and then come back: (Hint: Right Click This And Open In A New Tab)


First time I ever heard a C.S.I. type of analysis for a song. The way this guy describes it, the melody offers the listener no way out. Even when you listen to the original lyric, and don't understand it, the point gets through. I was feeling morose...this song defines morose.

See...even lanky Hungarian movie stars end it all for this ditty! Sarah's version didn't fully realize the descending bass line, thus I present it here. Wrists, throat, and brains intact.

SIDETRACK B: Before anyone gets all crabby....

I get internet via WiFi and for now I find it free or pay 9 bucks a month for access where Ronald McDonald hawks food that will be taxed to death under Health Care well as other hot spots. This is where I will get HuLu sometimes. I would tell you the service, but since they don't give me dime 1 of commission nor have an affliate program...screw'em!

Ok...the shows I am watching this year.

BTW: Who decided "Fall Finales" were a good idea? I know the Holiday Season is The Dead Zone for ratings, but just run your re-reruns and start new the 2nd week of January.

Did I mention I am freezing in the conversion van this evening? Know why the east coast is an ArcticPalooza? Because my life is hell and it's freezing over.

But I digress.


White Collar

Neat little who dunnit, with a twist. There was a series in the 70's with Eddie Albert and Robert Wagner called "Switch". that this series hearkens back to.

(Anyone know how to make links here automatically open a new tab????)

This is a fun show...always a twist!


This is an "X-Files" for the new decade. Just make sure you watch from the VERY first episode. The most recent chapter tied together a lot of stuff and it all makes more sense now. From the same guy who gave you this past summer's "Star Trek".

The premise is, the whole world but for a select few, pass out for a while, and when they come to they realize the have seen the future. It sounds simple...and it is...but then it gets complex...and then simple again. Worth looking into.


First half hour sitcom since "My Name Is Earl" I follow on a weekly basis. It is really well written and funny as hell. For the first time since "Foul Play" that Chevy Chase has been funny. VERY much worth a watch.


Remake of a 70's mini series and TONS better. If you follow the news like I do, you will see many parallels to the Obama Administration. I regret the series had it's "Fall Finale" when it did because there has been some blow back from others who see the same thing in this as I do. Giving the producers as well as ABC to "alter" the story away from comparisons. Probably gonna make it suck from here on out. But so far...I enjoyed it!


This show is Ally MacBeal meets My Name Is Earl meets Fame. This is probably my favorite new show this year. Quirky characters, bizarre plots, and a lot of fun. I can only imagine the schedule the cast has between rehearsals, recording studio time, and shooting. And it all comes together quite nicely. Highly recommended!

So, there you have it. What does a homeless guy watch while living in a van while hell freezes over with an ample supply of office supplies, subsequent to a semi-successful heart attack.

He watches this stuff.

Can't wait for the new season of "24"!

Next post....why I am glad I am geo-flexible and the coming hell this summer.


Sometimes, There Are Just No Words!