Tuesday, January 29, 2013

These Last Few Hours Have Been Monumentally ....


It started this morning as I was listening to the radio online, wondering when I was going to get THAT knock on the door and be told to leave.

BACKSTORY SIDETRACK: Glenn Beck's "The Blaze" has migrated from an  online only entity, to being a service on DISH Network as well. Now there is a push to get a channel spot on the major cable systems, i.e. FiOS, U-Verse, Charter, Cablevision, etc. He went on about this new campaign a few times during his show this morning. Frankly, I think he should lead off with Cable One, but what do I know....


It was bringing back so many of the things I had started and accomplished before I started to go off the rails. If I were to highlight just a few of these things and the people I had dealings with, you'd think me delusional. One REAL heavyweight that I had extensive dealings with, I wouldn't tell anyone about, until someone involved in that effort found me on the net and asked how I was doing.

I have a way of proving that one!!!

The memories and aspirations I had continued to plague and frustrate me all day... accelerating as the hours passed by. I was able to find myself behind many closed doors...having the ear of powerful players in media and entertainment. I had "in law" connections to one of the richest men on earth and his BRAND NEW, at that time, entertainment mecca.

When I was running live news van in N.Y.C., I used my stature deficit to weasel my way around police barricades and get footage no one else had. One of the VERY best work days of my life was 36 hours long...hand to God...and it was one news story after another. I grabbed that time in my life with both hands and squeezed every bit of excitement and education out of it that I could.

Here's where these recollections sucked.....

I found myself getting energized....wanting to get back into things. Send my resume everywhere, start reaching out to different concerns to pitch some long standing concepts I had....series ideas.....build from the ground up enterprises. I had done this before....

And then I take stock of my current situation and condition.

I was blessed to be sent a Nebulizer for one of the therapies I must perform a few times a day. The fact that I even have to do that is a bit of a downer. That I had to look for a donated one, even more so. DON'T get me wrong, I am VERY grateful for getting one.

I'm looking at being back in the van again, but in far less comfortable surroundings than back at Camp Scooter: SouthEast, Afscootistan.

SIDETRACK: The only reason I am still in the room this evening is that the main manager was not in today, and I slipped through the cracks. Which is fortunate because we are having some hellish rain and such currently. However what I owe is now just south of $200.00. And even when I am out of the room, I'm stuck here for what follows.....

I have a vehicle that can't go anywhere until it's fixed. I am going to have to do the repair myself, if I am to be mobile any time soon. If it's not something I can do, I am screwed. My initial appointment with the Pulmonary Specialist for tomorrow is now pushed back to March 1st, and Round 2 of the prelims to be a full pledged Lab Rat are likely to be lost for the same reason.

Wild swings in mood. Not organic in nature...but from divergent courses of  reality hitting me in the head.

I had one person write me and say it would be a good idea to drive the van deep in the woods and never be heard from again. Basically, go die. Maybe I should...who knows. They also said I am a rat, and not just in the lab.

Why am I telling you all this? Maybe I want you to understand I am not proud of doing what I do now. In some ways I have surprised myself in how resourceful I could be, even under these conditions. However, this blog has deteriorated into a Beg-A-Thon and that's simply pathetic.

I am smarter than this. I am more dynamic than this. But I just can't seem to get out of my own way. And things are about to get a whole lot harder! As one commenter on here said, misspellings and all...

"Put a fork in you, your done" (quoted as originally written. The "your/you're-there/their"  police need not bother me)

Thus tonight I pack up, and early in the morning stuff the van once again. I am hoping fresh episodes of "Raising Hope" and "New Girl" lift my mood a bit. My spirits will take substantially more work.

I have zero idea or notion as to what will happen next. I know I have to do two things first:

Fix the van.
Raise cash to pay the motel bill. (I'll offer them something for collateral until I attain the amount called for.)

Only tomorrow knows....

Until next time....

Monday, January 28, 2013

Maybe This Will Work...

I've been trying other ways...but to no positive outcome.

This Wednesday is my first appointment with the Pulmonary Specialist. Thursday is the final qualifying round to my "Lab Rat" opportunity for a C.O.P.D. paid medical study.

The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders is having all manner of problems. The upper radiator hose is leaking. The engine is having some severe indigestion and running horribly. Suffice to say it won't make the trip into Ft Worth or Arlington, respectively, and the motel room is kaput tomorrow morning, thus can't shower for said appointments and will wind up sleeping in the crippled chariot.

And of course some paid cash day gigs show up on Craig's List I am able to accomplish that I need transport to.

Head...meet wall.

Sometimes I think I am never going to get ahead. Actually, never mind get ahead...just being able to tread water for a while would be nice. There are occasions when I just want to drive deep into the woods someplace and disappear.

SIDETRACK: The motel office just rang the room...and I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone. I know I have to deal with them...just have to get into that frame of mind

Anyhow....I need work that I am qualified for and able to perform. So any of my local Texan readers...you know of something...please let me know.

Thanks....and please keep good thoughts for me.

Until next time.....

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Let's Talk About Extremes....

03/22/13 PLEASE...could someone tell me why, all of a sudden, I am getting hits from all over the globe looking for this symbol? Please email: Road2RL@gmail.com Thanks!

PREFACE: Back in the spring, while driving along the famous Garden State Parkway, I had a radiator hose blow on me, sending tons of weaponized steam inside The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders.  That was the beginning of the respiratory issues for yours truly, leading to the diagnosis of C.O.P.D.  You can read about that misadventure HERE.

On the way to an interview as noted in the post below this one,  I ran into over heating issues of a significant nature. Well....guess who had weaponized steam in his face, again. Moi! Had no choice, was late to the interview. It wasn't as bad as last time, only coming from the engine and not inside the cab. But try as I may, I did wind up breathing some of it in.

Ok....new stuff....

Today started out as a really good day!!! I awoke feeling fine...showered early...had my coffee and headed of to a local church. I met the flock just before Christmas as they came to the motel, offering up some very tasty hot meals. After I finished said meal, I stepped out side and saw the Pastor delivering a message to his flock.  As I staid in the background listening, I found there was something about the way he spoke and the message he chose compelling. I was...impressed!

Not feeling sick upon awakening and ready to go, I can finally attend his church. I had been hoping to for the last two week.  And....WOW...this guy is really dynamic! He has been doing a series of services focused on the relationship of a man and wife. He was funny, pointed, irreverent....all the while getting the message across and never crossing a line into the in appropriate.

I enjoyed this service more than any in a long time.

He and I talked for a good half an hour afterwards and I hope to get together with him this week and work on social media on behalf of his church. The organization's website is found HERE.

I think I have found my House-0-Faith! Pastor Brad and I share some common background experiences and occupations, as well. This guy will bring more folks into the faith that feel.....inhibited...by the style of many other fine preachers. He has an edge that is both welcome and timely.

The morning went well. The afternoon...not so much.

I has gotten myself down to just one med for the C.O.P.D. and have been working to improve my lung capacity by walking, etc.

After services, I noticed the same feeling in my chest as I did shortly after the weaponized radiator steam incident this past Spring. Tight and feeling my lungs filled with..something. It had been coming on slowly, but I put it off to the weather. The weather today is fine.

So, I'm driving along and.....the van starts acting up. Stalling....stuttering....very rough idle. Blowing smoke..and losing fluids. The radiator problem I think is either the lower hose is blown...or the water pump is kaput. The engine however...is blowing smoke...blue smoke...and a lot of it. Some seal or gasket got clobbered when I went to the job interview and was overheated to the point the temperature indicator's needle got pinned to the extreme.

The van has some serious issues...REALLY serious! And after 11:00 A.M. C.S.T. tomorrow, I may have to be living in it. Swell.

Great morning.....crappy afternoon. Yin and Yang...the symbol above.

Blue ...positive and uplifting...Red...negative and destructive.

Welcome to my world. RED is my color of  the balance of de' day.

I try...I really do. But it seems one obstacle after another....with minor victories in between. Not sure what...or how extreme...my next step will be.....

We'll see. In the meantime, this song had been playing in my head and offers a wee bit of comfort this evening. Enjoy, if you will..

Until later.....

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Here's Hoping....

UPDATE 01/25/13 8:22 P.M. C.S.T. : Had a very good interview this afternoon at a Quick lube kind of place. I did very well at a shop in Budd Lake, made quite the decent buck! The guy I met with has a varied background, such as yours truly, and we got along very well. Frankly it was as much a conversation as it was an interview. I enjoyed it

He has other candidates to consider, and will get back to me one way or the other. I asked him if I was not his choice, would he give me a heads up for other opportunities within that brand name he may hear of.

Feeling decent this morning. A little bit of coughing, but nothing major.

I have an interview at 3:00 P.M. C.S.T. that had been postponed twice already. My clothes are ready and I am well groomed.

Nice change!!!

Wish me luck..will update after it takes place.

UPDATE: Didn't work out. There is a requirement one be able to lift 50 lbs. minimum, and I am, currently, unable to do that. Oh well....gotta keep trying. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Sometimes I Wonder...

...why I even try.

I went to bed last night looking forward to the Focus Group experience and the $200.00 that come with it. It would certainly keep me in the motel with a couple of bucks to spare.

When I work up his morning, it felt like I had a golf ball in my throat. I couldn't swallow nor could I clear it. I ate a little it and it felt like sandpaper going down. Can't do anything about it until Monday.

So..I lose that gig....and money for rent....


Welcome to my world.

I'll post the results of the exam here so you'll know I ain't fakin'!

Until next time....

Monday, January 14, 2013

I Needed A Day.....

...to regroup a bit. Wound up sleeping outside Friday night and the air did not do my lungs any favors. Fortunately it was pretty warm...in the 50's...so I wasn't freezing.

I was hanging out in the van at the Q.T. on the corner for pretty much all of Saturday. People were coming up to me after reading what I have written on the BIG windows on the side of the van. Asking me stuff...engaging in chit chat...sometimes offering me some assistance.

The day was going slowly and I was a fair distance away from what I needed to get the room back. When this fellow comes up to me and asks if I needed gasoline, while handing me some cash. I explained I did, but was focusing on the motel bill and getting a couple of nights more. He told me to pull up to the pumps and he would fill the tank.

This HUGE!!!! I can't recall the last time I have a full tank.

While it was filling we talked about my situation...how and why I was in Texas...about me getting sick....etc.

The tank full, I thank him over and over for the help. He tells me he's glad to do it and heads off. I go back to my parking spot and linger.

A few minutes later, a truck identical to his pulls up 2 spots away from me and, lo and behold, it's him again. He asks me about the motel and I tell him what I have to have to get back in and he offers to go with me to make up the arrears.


Well...he not only pays what I owe...he springs for another full week here!

Huge-erer!!! (I know..not a word....)

Next time some one tries to tell me there is no God, I am gonna kick them in the crotch!

So Sunday was spent regrouping and letting my lungs feel better. Even the Golden Globes this year was over all enjoyable.

Today I am working on getting my auto insurance paid. The job interview I had to postpone last week is rescheduled for this Wednesday. Also, taking part in a paid study in Dallas on Saturday that pays $200.00.

For now I get back to emailing resumes and job applications. Sally forth and all that....

Saturday, January 12, 2013

So I Start Yesterday Off....

UPDATE 01/13/13 5:44 P.M. C.S.T. : I have some amazing news to relate!!! Will do so in a bit, but know that I am back in the room...and then some!!!

....in a fairly optimistic mood. I go to my interview, arrive early, and it goes really well.  As far as the guy who saw me was concerned the job is mine! I figure, great!

While in Dallas I stop by to thank someone in person who had helped me from a distance. Nice to put a face on things. We had a very nice conversation, and I head off to explore Dallas for a bit.

One spot I was I see this guy setting up a system with 3 laptops, a tripod with slots for 3 devices of some sort, and a extension cord running to a power inverter in his mini van. Turns out is was something to do with updating the 911 system with G.P.S. coordinates.


Anyway, while watching him I call over to the guy who interviewed me to get more info on a motel near the place he mentioned to me. I figured I could get things in order to prep for Monday. He was out doing a test drive, but the woman who answered the phone told me my number was already in front of her on a sticky note. She said he'd call back soon. This was around 3 P.M.

Time comes for me to head back to Euless and I bid adieu to Dallas for the time being.

So much for a great day......it's now 5:30 or so...

I stop to get some coffee and while enjoying said beverage, the phone rings. Turns out it's the boss of my potential boss. He asks a number of questions about my background in automotive. I answer each and every one, as well as offer references for him to call. He asks if I can drive back to Dallas that minute and I explain my gas is low and I am unable to. Same thing would go for today, Saturday, unless I got some cash somehow.

And we are officially downhill from there! Thing is, I was at my appointment early...AND I had  tried to reach out before I left Dallas. It's not like I didn't make the effort.

Anyhow...the job thing is in limbo at best right now. I just tried calling my initial contact...we'll see.

Then I get back to my room and the door knob has a boot on it. That will remain until I come up with arrears.  Thus...slept in the van last night with all my stuff behind a double locked door.

Thus...have to raise about $200.00 or so just to stay afloat.

My chest is feeling very tight from the night air....my insurance goes kablooey VERY soon....

I'll write more later....

Friday, January 11, 2013


UPDATE 7:41 P.M.C.S.T. : Locked out!
Like a "Boot" on a tire, this is a boot on the door knob. Thank heavens for Texas weather!

As of 11:00 A.M. C.S.T. I will owe $150.00 for back rent on my motel room. I'll be in Dallas most of the day with a job interview and pursuing some other opportunities I have been made aware of. When I return, most likely there will be a pad lock on the door.

I'll be trying to do some fund rising while in town, but if anyone here wants to help here's how:

The motel directly:
Mid City Inn #113
1451 West Euless Blvd.  Euless, Texas  76040

PLEASE email me at: Road2RL@gmail.com if you go this route. Keeping them honest and all.

Also, the PayPal button you see to the right. Even though it takes a couple of days for funds from there to clear to me, I have someone who will loan me the amount for use right away, if I can show I have collateral.

It feels THIS close right now. Being a lab rat for the paid study and this job lead is strong!! The weather this weekend is expected to bring plummeting temps and as I said before, the van has no heat.

This post will disappear after the situation has passed.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

My First Go At The Wheel....

Odd up and down day, this was.

Had to drive to Arlington for the initial lab rat experience a The Habitrail Clinical Trials Center. I got there VERY early in case my GPS would go all up into the fetal position and start sobbing, as it has done in times past with Texas geography.

Once there a VERY nice young woman took my info, explained the program and said we would do a Breathing Test.

I said wait...I did that yesterday, and handed her the paper showing the results.

Already I am an over achieving rat! Score one for moi!

We went over my experiences since I had been diagnosed with C.O.P.D. with a side of Pneumonia. Meds...therapies...concerns....vulnerabilities...etc. I was urged in no uncertain terms to get a flu shot. Seems my lungs are not as hardy as they used to be and more prone to infections, viruses, et al....

She made photo copies of everything and gave me a $20.00 gas card for my time. I think she really wants me in this. I can have a winning personality, you know!


Here I was in Arlington right down the boulevard from Cowboy's Stadium. All manner of memories from "Restoring Love" flashed through my mind's eye. The people I met, the energy, the main event....

It was the best week of my life in the last 10 years!

Now one problem I did have is that my cell phone was in suspended animation. I couldn't get any calls...check my email...nuthin'! Talk about feeling cut off from the world! I had mixed desires...drive around and explore or bolt back to my unpaid motel room to get online.

I hung out at a Q.T. travel station for a couple of hours. Ultimately the need for 'net overcame me and I headed back.

And I am glad I did!

There was an email waiting for me asking if I could come in RIGHT AWAY for an interview as there is an immediate need for that position to be filled.

I called the person who sent this and told him it was a bit late in the day to get there before closing. He said he was really impressed with my experience, resume, and cover letter. We have an appointment for 11:00 A.M. C.S.T. tomorrow.

Then...the motel front office calls me.....

I owe them, as of 11:00 A.M. C.S.T. tomorrow $150.00 and what am I going to do about it.  I told them I would get it covered. Truth be told...I have no idea how.

Let's see how this plays out! Once again, on the wheel.......

Until next time.....

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Today 01/09/13

This is an image of a Pulmonary Function Report of sorts. Mine is a different format, but I haven't decided if I will post it. The one I have looks different.

We have had rains for 2 days solid of Biblical dimensions. Although the temps were in the 50's, it felt a fair bit colder. It had an impact on how I am feeling, physically.

I had to postpone my job interview because I thought I was coming down with the flu that's barreling through this area. ( Tragically, a local young girl passed away 2 days ago from this particular, aggressive strain. ) I got an email back saying they were running into this with others,  feel better, and we'll reschedule you soon.

As the morning wore on I was feeling a bit more energy, thus decided to go to my Breathing Test and get that over with. I should note that my feeling sick had more to do with being feverish,  having the chills, and didn't change much for me, respiratory wise.

(Just now ABC Radio News' lead story is about how nasty and wide spread this flu is. Boston has all but declared a state of emergency.)

Getting to the clinic was a major task in itself. The roads a mess...traffic slow....high winds...and getting lost twice. I was a little late, but forgiven and proceeded to the test.

I am taken into a room with a small booth that looked like it used to do work as an Isolation Booth for some game show. The guy who administered the test was great. He and I had the same sense of humor and I could use my A-Material with him.

The test was a series of different breathing patterns into a tube, with a clothes pin type of thing applied to my nose. Breathe deep...hold breath....pant fast...breathe normal.....etc. All in all took about 45 minutes. The one test they did with the booth's door shut made my ears pop. The pressure changed to make breathing harder....with resistance...for some aspect of the exam.

When it was over, I went to the flat screen to see the results. It wasn't that hard to decipher, given that the Red Flags gave me a clue as to what to looking for and at. It measured in percentages what is average, showing what they expect based on my age, dimensions, and what the results were.

My lungs did not respect the "expected" results. In the section where they look for capacity outbound, I did not go over 60% at best, 4 out of the 6 test I was well under 50%. (Spirometry)

In how much should NOT be retained in my lungs after exhaling, well, I was an over achiever there! Of the 7 results gleaned, 4 were WELL over what is to be expected, meaning I don't rid myself of enough air. 3 were below normal. (Lung Volumes (N2 Washout) )

There are some more numbers to post but none were normal.  Suffice to say.....it's not good. This whole thing does explain some stuff I have been feeling over the last few years. It makes sense now.

I have been prescribed Symbicort as a prophylactic breathable surface steroid that is supposed to help breathing. I must say it is NO Prednisone. It helps...kinda. And I have found that I give a LOT of oral to my new best friend, Al Butenol. That seems to give me instant, but fleeting, relief.

Bottom line, it all hovers around severe. There are steps I can take to make things easier and somewhat manageable, but it will never get cured. Much like the overall character of the Obama Administration, progressive diseases never do get better. They ultimately just kill.

So...as time goes on I will hope for a passing via some other happenstance, because this is one horrible way to go. While I wait for that to happen......

I go about things as best I can. Seems I will spend tonight trying to dig up some funds for my my room ($70.00 as of now) and the cell phone ($35.00) before I lose the number completely. All the applications and resumes I have sent use that number to call me. I have a Google number that I make calls outbound with when at the laptop to save cell minutes, but to get calls back isn't really efficient.

That's my project for tonight....

And eat at some point. Bon Appetite for moi!

Until next time.....

EDITED TO ADD: Tomorrow is my first appointment at the Habitrail Clinical Research Center as a C.O.P.D. lab rat. Let's hope I past the test..it's a PAID study!!!!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

R.I.P. It Was a Nice, Long Run....

Everyone's Favorite Van Eating Dog, Bob, passed away January 1st, 2013. He was 14.

Bob was a trooper when my new adventure began. His world turned completely 180° and he adapted pretty well.

Bob was fortunate enough to have gotten adopted and lived out his remaining years nicely cared for and comfy, as seen above. You can read about Bob's moving day HERE.

I owned Bob's mom, Phoebe, who had a talent for escaping from the backyard and having encounters with the neighboring males. We kept her "sordid" past from him so as not to taint his memories of "Mom".

Thus...it is with a bit of sadness and fondness we bid adieu to our friend, Bob The Formerly Van Eating Dog, and hope that he is enjoying reuniting with mom and romping through the fields of gold.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

New Week, New Day, New Issues, New...LOGO!

The cheery new logo for the C.O.P.D. Foundation.

What, no happy face?

Kind of ironic they use a pinwheel, in that it's most likely it's the last thing someone like myself would be playing with.

You know...ability to blow air and all....

UPDATE: 01/07/13 12:00 P.M. C.S.T. : WOW...the lingering after effects of going off the Prednisone are kicking my ass! The biggest being fatigue. I can hardly keep awake and also feel feverish. It's not nearly as bad as what the steroid stopped for killing me, but ..MAN...I've never been this tired! And the cold air outside feels about 10° lower. (P.S. CRAP...now I have "the chills"!)

This Sunday evening finds me in a dour mood. However, this coming week brings with it:

My first job interview ins a LONG time!

My first visit to my Pulmonary guy. Fortunately it's in a Neurology Diagnostic Center because I have had a growing numbness in my left pinky and ring finger, making them all but useless in many ways. A increasing weakness my left arm as well. In researching the symptoms on the net, it could be:

A: Cardiac Related
B: Carpel Tunnel
C: Stroke

And last but not least, my newest Lab Rat experience at the  "Habitrail Investigative Medical Trial Clinic" begins. This should be interesting....

As for this evening....

My second day of Prednisone withdrawal. I have never had withdrawal issues before....this is all new. It's to be expected, as per info on this steroid. It can last anywhere from a few days to a number of weeks....depends in the individual and dosage. I am guessing I will be dealing with this for at least a week.

Already a day behind in this weeks rent. I tried getting the amount for a week together, saves me $70.00..but to no avail. Please understand, I a VERY GRATEFUL for the help that came yesterday. I am just facing the same thing again, now. The phone in the room has begun ringing already with the front office asking for tribute.


In researching the elements and comeuppances of this malady, a couple of things come to mind.

At some point I will get a Blue Tag that gives me access to the REALLY good parking spots at WalMart during the Holidays.

That's ok. However.....

Should I need  be in one of those "Little Rascals" from The Scooter Store to get around, take my word on the following....

I will NOT be like those guys in the commercials for these "Chariots of Retire", wearing a dumb hat and vest, covered with pointless buttons and ribbons....looking all Four Wheeled Frisky driving in circles at The Active Community Home, or off to Scenic Destinations, visiting places I should have gone to when I was fully mobile.

Lemme tell you...if I am at The Grand Canyon taking in it's awesome vista, driving one of these...guess what goes over the cliff....and I am not talking a Fiscal one!

But....tomorrow it's back to the grind.....trying to keep my head covered and ass safe.

Until next time......

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Whoever Tried Calling The Motel...

...PLEASE reach out to me at Road2rl@gmail.com You called after the arrears were covered.


Friday, January 4, 2013

This Crap Seems To Have Followed Me Here!

UPDATE 01/05/13 10:00 A.M. C.S.T. : Just got a call from the motel office. I have until 5 P.M. to come up with the money due or I am locked out and my stuff locked in. Their number is (817) 283-4601 if someone wants to help. Room 113.

11:05 A.M. C.S.T. Seems I am also going through Prednisone withdrawal. I am fatigued and really light headed....almost like I would pass out. The day gets better....

4:32 P.M. C.S.T. : A dear childhood friend from New Jersey just covered the motel through tomorrow morning. I have been going through Craig's List and other sites hoping to find some day work tomorrow and onward. Next task...food!

01/04/13 Updates:

UPDATE 4:36 P.M. C.S.T. : If you all would, kindly send this link to people you know on your Social Media sites and email chains. That would help a great deal. I am SO close to getting out of this. Copy and Paste THIS and encourage them to check things out. Thanks!

This area of Texas is experiencing colder than normal temps. It should be upper 50's to low-ish 60's.

Of course it happens as I am about to be back living in The Conversion Van Of Wonders that is lacking the ability to create heat!

Go figure....

When I was at Camp Scooter:Southeast, Afscootistan I had my generator, heater, and friendly townsfolk. Not to say Texans aren't friendly...they certainly are! However, tolerance for a mobile Sovereign Nation with it's own Energy Ministry here  is questionable at best.

I am fairly well behind in fees dues the motel I am staying at, so no doubt they will lock me out, and my belongings in, at some point this morning.

Timing Is Everything.....

This coming week presents some opportunity. I have my first job interview in months on Wednesday, as well as my first visit with the Pulmonary Specialist to get the whole picture on where I am at regards my C.O.P.D. initial diagnosis.

On Thursday I attempt to monetize said malady by going through the first evaluation for a clinical PAID study of some new meds to treat same.

Of course these events couldn't have been last week, when my shelter and ability to perform daily modern hygiene were assured. Nope..has to be just THAT much out of reach.

Why do I even bother, anymore?

Because I think I am supposed to.

I am hoping something comes along that prevents this morning's "transition". I'll be out and about in any event looking for some Per Diem opportunities and support. Should you be inclined to help move things along, there is the PayPal button above or directly to my email at: Road2RL@gmail.com

PayPal funds take a few days to transfer and be available, direct to the motel would be helpful.

Look, do I expect any help?

No...no one out there owes me anything.

Am I grateful when support comes along?

You betcha'! In some ways it has been life saving. Whether allowing your humble narrator to continue to exist may be questionable, I am appreciative of the ability.

In closing, I am prepping to be out of here in the best possible way, all things considered, and try get to my Dr. to see about meds that help me breathe.

Hello Friday!

Until next time....

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

What To Say....What To Do....

UPDATE 01/03/13 3:31 P.M. C.S.T. : Went to change the flat and the lugs won't move! My hernia is not pleased and I am out of breath. Hopefully I can get someone to help me. #KillME 

4:00 P.M. The jack that I have loaned to others MANY times is not working for me. I borrow one from someone at the motel, usable, but it's a little small for the task. Add to that,  I have lost so much upper body strength, I can't pump the jack to raise the van high enough. The clinic called about my Prednisone informing me the Dr. is not wanting to refill it. And my cell has 15 minutes left.

Why do I even bother? Seriously....I am spent. This day has been one disappointment after another. Know what sucks about good news? It softens you up for the crap. The posts below.....good news. Reality right now......sucks!

No food. No rent. No insurance. No meds. No cash. No road service.

Hope is flickering....... 

UPDATE 10:06 P.M. C.S.T. :  Tire finally changed and road ready. Don't have nearly enough to hold on to the room, so tomorrow I get locked out and most of my stuff stuck inside. The clinic wants me to come and get a different med, one which I have to scrounge up the co-pay IF I can get over there. It's a steroid you inhale, as opposed to taking orally.  And I still have to get a nebulizer for the twice daily treatments. My chest is tightening up already.......

UPDATE 01/03/13 : I just now got through the first round of being qualified to be a lab rat for a C.O.P.D. study. Pays cash, and it comes with a really nice cage with a built in  "PX90 Certified"  Exercise Wheel! No money yet though.........

UPDATE 2:21 P.M. C.S.T.: Got my first job interview in a LONG time!!! It's this coming Wednesday in Ft. Worth. Full time with bonuses! A sliver of sunlight! Just have to be able to hold on until then. Wish me luck! And a special "Thanks" to Sandra and Joel for giving me some assistance. It helps TONS!!!

5:25 A.M. C.S.T. :

It's all coming apart. Wasn't held all that well together anyway.

Down to my last 2 prednisone pills which keeps my lungs in check. My bank account is about to implode due to a shortage of $.56 and a pending withdrawal. The van has a flat tire, very little gas, and the heat doesn't work.. It's 32° outside and temps are expected to be, maybe, mid 40s.

No returned calls or emails for the jobs I applied for. Nothing in PayPal...or my pocket.

Unless I can convince the motel owners otherwise, I will be locked out of the room in a few hours. I owe somewhere around $100.00 for the last few days.

I give up.

I left New Jersey with high hopes. Texas offers a LOT! The economy here is pretty strong. (We'll see how that holds up after the devastation around the corner from the awful "Fiscal Cliff" deal made last night) As noted prior, I found work very quickly, only to lose it when taken ill and my C.O.P.D. introduced itself with vigor, and a side of Pneumonia.

If you have read through my blog, you'll see that I tried to keep my head up and optimistic. Even after being hospitalized twice in 3 days in November I looked to the future....hoping for and trying to achieve a better life for myself.

Under my own power and efforts. Be productive and vital.

I'm throwing my hands up....the towel in the ring....raising the white flag. I'm in worse shape than I was one year ago, with nothing on the horizon to moving myself along. Perhaps my new condition is my ticket out. Two pills, two days, left before it takes control.

Bleh...I'm just rambling now.

Not sure why I am compelled to write this, let alone anyone taking the time to read it. On my part, it's half "boo hoo" and half keeping my followers up to date. Not quite a "Good Bye" yet. And no, not suicidal...just losing my will to keep, keeping on.

The sun isn't even up yet, and my day is pretty much over.

que sera