Friday, October 29, 2010

Car Stories

Some recent and ongoing instances prompted not only the title of this posting, but the thoughts and memories expressed here.

Kindly bear with really does all add up.

Yesterday I had the good fortune to drive and be seen in a 2002 JaguarS 5 Speed Manual Trans. My friend who is in between driving privileges needed to go to Toms River, and we left The Conversion Van Of Wonders behind for this one. I must note that Bob The Van Eating Dog behaved with the decorum said vehicle commands.

The leather interior is fully intact!

This car is sweet! When on the Parkway, I would be up around 90 and not even know it. Concentration as to MPH was certainly called for. And it's funny how people look at you when in control of transportation such as this.

It was a very nice break....

Which brings me to the point of this posting.

Back in the '70's when I was working in nightclubs I owned my first sportscar, a Datsun (now Nissan) 260Z. Damn skippy car! 2 Seater, Standard Trans, and completely manual steering. This car was da' bomb. I did all my own work on it and drove it with love and pride. Paid $4,600.00 some on 1970's dollars for it.

Pretty good for a nightclub singers income.

It met it's demise at the hands of a drunk driver rounding a corner at some 80 MPH in Paterson and hitting the right, front wheel square on. The frame was bent into oblivion. No one was hurt, but the car was headed toward room temperature.

Great car, it was. Between the insurance totalling it and what I was able to sell it for, I actually made a profit! I love Capitalism.

The Jag brought back that feeling of get up and go horsepower!

My next car was a Lincoln Mark IV. I decided I wanted something a fair bit classier and, frankly, gaudy, in a classy flashy kind of way. The interior was Kelly Green and comfy as hell. The ride was like being on air and, believe it or not, handled in a very similar fashion to the 260Z. Cornered quite nicely, thank you!

The car had to be sold 'cause I had gotten betrothed and the new wife and I bought a 1970 VW Camper Van. That, along with her car, made the Mark IV a luxury we didn't need.

Off it went...but it's memory lingered. It was probably the best car I ever owned.

Over the course of the ensuing years I had 2 Chrysler New B I G one ( that would "pee" on my leg from an often clogged A.C. drain hose)...and one that was 1980's-ized for the tree huggers. The latter one talked to me and had the oh so useless feature of an A.M. Stereo radio. Only stereo stations it could find were an All News one out of New York, and some french speaking Canadian station I could only get in the winter and at night.

It used to tell us "A door is a jar" We'd tell it a door is a door, stupid car voice!

All the while the memory of my Mark IV lingered in my mind.

Flash forward to 1986...

My late wife's and my fortunes improved a great deal. She half owned a department store (The Economy Dept Store, Stanhope, N.J.) with her brother and I worked for Allied-Signal, now owned by Honeywell.

We owned the home (that I lost in '09) and Reagan was President.

Good times all around.

It was then I got for the very first time a BRAND NEW CAR, ordered before it was born, made just for me to my spec.

A 1986 Lincoln Town Car. EVERY option, sans Landau Roof, was included. And for the first time, I got a car on a lease.

Doing the lease thing turned out to be a huge mistake! The car was in the shop consistently for brake issues, and at that time, New Jersey's "Lemon Law" did not cover leased vehicles. That the law was modified is due to my car. My oldest son played on the same Little League team as the son of the guy who ran the Motor Vehicle Agency at that time. I told him my situation and he put into motion adding leases to the lemony scent thing.

I was a bit of a mover and shaker back in the day! Someday I may reveal my time as a lobbyist in D.C.

However, I digress.

I learned a lesson at that time that, in the midst of my homeless adventure, has come back into play.

2 kinds of people own Town cars:

A. Those who should and have the class to be seen in one and the means to afford it.

B. Those who shouldn't but do, because they got left money in a will, won the lottery, etc. and are vulgar, ignorant windbags trying to be something they aren't.

It is, without boast, I can honestly state that during my tenure as a Lincoln Town Car owner I was in the former of the 2.

I now have a kinda, sorta acquaintance of someone that is the latter, times 2. And drives one similar to the one shown below, only a gaudy metallic blue.

There is this guy who is obsessed with me and my current state of affairs. He can't help but to drive past Camp Scooter South at The Home Of Falling Prices and yell out to me, of all things:


Go figure.

I have yet to fully get this guy's licence number, but I have caught a good look at him and his "well fed" children. If MTV had existed in the late 70's and "The Jersey Shore" was using ignorant, obnoxious types, this guy would be the star. I think I was temporarily blinded by the sun's reflection off the gold "Horn" around his ample neck.

SIDETRACK: I have yet to see a single episode of said program, but read about it, hear about it all the time. Once I was at a checkout and saw an article about Snookie that said she at one time had an eating disorder that brought her down to about 88 pounds.

Now Snookie is just wee bit too tall to make biscuits for Keebler, so 88 on her looked really good. So I guess on Planet Twiggy in the Anorexia System she was a chubster back then, but not here on Tera Firma. Currently she appears to be a doughnut and a slice of pizza away from forever being emblazed on the label of "Mama Snookie's Tomato Sauce" jars.

Just sayin'...

So anyhow, Chubsy Ubsy drove past and would yell said insult as loud as he could. Displaying untoward behaviour for an owner of a Town Car, I could only surmise a few things:

A. Someone died and left him some cash. People of a Lincoln Town Car Stature would refrain from such boorish displays of behaviour.

(When driving the Jag yesterday, I immediately and instinctively exhibited proper demeanor for a car of that stature. Drives home, no pun intended, this guy's Springer Guest nature)

B. That he, like almost all of us, are frustrated with Obama and the regime and needed to vent, in an undignified way, to let off steam. I understand this, as I am NO fan of this President, and just kinda let it go. I presumed he associated my current state of affairs with Obama's vision of a "victim society" O&O'd by the government. So...que sera.. I just brushed off, figuring I did a public service, even if for one of the intellectually challenged.

This is...he doesn't know when to quit. It has ratcheted up to the point his tone is becoming unsettling and his well fed kid chimes in now as well. I wonder to myself, if he is capable of this in the light of day with people all around, what might be the next step when he sees the Bush Tax Cuts expire and he indulges in some cheap beer, come evening time.

He has started yelling at me where ever he see the van now. It is escalating.

So allow me to tell Chubsy Ubsy these facts:

One doesn't live in the same home for 27 years being a ward of the state.
I will have to file a return, and probably pay some taxes for 2010.
I rebuilt myself twice before, rising from the ashes, and making something work with little resource. Might even do that one more time, this go 'round

SIDETRACK: When I owned my Lincoln Cars, I didn't use them to deliver verbal weapons of mass distraction. In fact, one time when vacationing in The Pocono's with my late wife and 2 kids there was a reverse incident.

She had gone into an IGA for some food and all while I stayed in the car as my youngest slept. I noticed a young couple, maybe early 20's, walk to their older , worn truck about 2 rows in front of me. His eyes caught mine for a sec, and I could read his lips as he said to himself, maybe his wife as well:

"Rich motherf&*(kers"

His glare was hostile, without question. All I was doing was sitting in my car with my sleeping toddler, and this guy hated me for it. Truth be told, I can understand that more than Chubsy Ubsy's outbursts. Frankly, I felt bad for the guy and his wife.

That young and that bitter....angry...beyond their years.

Guess I just can't win the Battle O' De' Vehicles.

WOW...this is getting long.

So in closing, I would probably say to this guy....

"Walk a mile in MY shoes, food giant! Better you should walk than taint the Lincoln Town Car brand"

Until next time....

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I know, I know....

...I shoulda written sooner. Thing is SOOOO much going on in my head...trying to organize it for this medium.

I do want to send a H U G E THANK YOU and shout out to my friend who got me a little space heater that does not throw a clot through my generator. Heats things quite nicely, even when up against BIG winds and cold temps! He has also assumed the role of "Gasoline Genie", making petrol appear overnight!

SIDETRACK: We had 2 days of really intense, non-stop winds here. And since I am parked on a hill with no natural barriers, The Conversion Van Of Wonders was rocking as if I really did have a "social" life.

A big thank you and God bless as well to all who stopped by the last couple of days.

Had my M.R.I. on Thursday as well as a test to check my brain stem and something else. Next week is the E.E.G. and some procedure to test my optic nerves. Will post all results when I have them.

Plus a visit to the dentist on Tuesday.

Oh...and my new goal of quitting smoking...for good!

Until next time....

Saturday, October 9, 2010

The Medical Saga Begins..... the Dentist. Had my first fillings in who knows how long on Friday and set up appointments for my mouth's renewal.

SIDETRACK: I use the word "Saga" as opposed to "Journey" for a reason. I am sick of that word being used on everything from American Idol to The Maury Show "Who The Baby Daddy" episodes when a girl comes on for the umpteenth time for DNA results. What gets me is when after the 10th guy is found not to be the sperm donor, they run off the stage crying in shame. They simply need to admit that the brand of panties they buy has a unique attraction to gravity that has science baffled.

It would explain everything!

A Journey is something you do up a mountain with a big stick looking for wisdom and a Wiseman. Not multiple DNA test failure appearances or if you lose a singing competition!


I saw a Neuro Guy on Thursday who has ordered a battery of tests on me. Stuff I never thought of like my optical nerves and carotid arteries. MRI, EEG, and some test where electrodes are embedded in my skull and I look at light on a computer screen. This should be interesting.

Go figure.

After the dentist I went to my G.P.'s for a regular med exam and a couple of things happened.

My BP was 160/90 and she finally convinced me to take meds to control it

I have this bulb growing on my left elbow that she really got concerned about. seems if it's just fluid from banging it, no biuggie. But if it signals an infection in the joint, it get rather messy.

Who knew?!?!?!

So she went about trying to line me up then and there with a bone guy. No luck, so I am off to an appointment Monday with a bone guy, after having "stat" blood work and X-Rays done.

All told, my upcoming med appointments keep me locked down in N.J. through the beginning of November, which means I am stuck here for Halloween.

SIDETRACK: I was trying to come up with a clever costume this year and came up with the idea of being a "VANpire" (you'll get it in a second..." Since transmission fluid is the only "Red" fluid in here, my catch phrase would have been:

"I vant to suck your tranny"
But that's really, REALLY "gay"!

So it's back to last year's costume. The homeless, nameless, bearded guy who offers kids candy from a van.

HUGE hit in '09!

But I digress...which, after all, defines a "Sidetrack".

Your humble narrator faces some rather daunting scenarios. Even the dental work will be extensive. So keep good thoughts and prayers to the Deity that best suits your needs for a Bit-O-Providence to happen my way.

From "The Home Of Falling Prices"....

Until next time.............

Monday, October 4, 2010

Today And Tomorrow....

I started this entry at 11:45 P.M. and will wrap it up after midnight.

As of this day, I have lived in The Conversion Van Of Wonders with Bob The Van Eating Dog for 14 months, but for a few nights in the hospital.

Oddly, the year went by pretty fast. I was surprised. I still don't miss the house at all. Just 2 days ago the new owner stopped me and asked about a couple of things, and I felt nothing....nada..and just answered his question to the best of my recollection. Even offered to stop by and show him a couple more things.

I have been in there more than a dozen times since the lockout 14 months ago.

What I do miss is the stuff that disappeared with home ownership.

Significant Acquaintances
A Kitchen

I really like to cook.

But by and large, I guess I am doing ok. I was just given a NEW down alternative queen size, 250 thread count, comforter in a nice neutral brown. It will go with the beige flannel sheet set I got at a yard sale last year, BRAND NEW, for 3 bucks. Got to get my winter stuff down from the rooftop carrier and launder it all.

It's 11:51 P.M. now. After midnight I will continue with the anniversary of the biggest mistake I made all year....

Stay tuned!

(tick tock...tick tock...)

DING! 12:00 A.M. Tuesday, Oct. 5th

My bigest mistake of the year? Using 911. Had I not, simply blew it off as strained muscles from stuff I was doing at the storage units, this would all have been done.

Live and learn....won't make that same mistake again.

And since I DID make the error in judgement, I guess I will write more stuff here and see if anyone is interested.

So...until next time....

Saturday, October 2, 2010

What You Say To Belligerent White Guys!

At least to someone who emailed me via this blog. I wonder if from DTW, who knows.

Also had a BUNCH of hits from Facebook, as well.

Anyhow my eyes are getting much better and should be fine by monday. And I have a lot to type! See you then,,,,