Wednesday, December 18, 2013

If you Are Looking At Me Right Now...

..on your mobile device while seeing the van, stop by and say "Hello". What's written on the windows is true and I welcome any support. BTW, the date above is set for the future so this Updates post stays on top.

 01/07/14 6:45 A.M. C.S.T.: This blog is now dormant. Feel free to read through if new here. I am now posting on my other blog, "The Pundit Nomadic" linked HERE!

12/09/13 5:30 P.M. C.S.T : The very last (God willing)  Homeless Advisor posting below. Please read and pass along to your friends. Thanks for following and reading all these years!

11/17/13 5:14 P.M. C.S.T. : I know it's been a while.... I'm working on what should be my final post to this blog. I have a place to "Homeless" is no longer accurate.  Hopefully will post in a day or so. Then I'll be writing on my other blog "The Pundit Nomadic". See you then.....

10/22/13 10:00 A.M. C.D.T. : blood work came answers yet. I have an appointment today with my G.P. Hopefully I'll have a picture of what's what. From the internet, it looks like I have colon cancer! Ummm..don't think so. Anyhow....we'll see.

10/01/13 8:27 P.M. C.D.T. : I get my blood work tomorrow and then they will schedule my biopsy. I'll be curious to know if Mickey Mass is still there. I already decided no surgery.  We'll see......

09/19/13 5:24 P.M. C.D.T. : Still no call with an appointment for the biopsy. Thus, nothing new to report. Thanks for stopping by, though. Please keep Prayers and good thoughts for me.

AKKKK..what is wrong with yours truly? Watching Football and this song has been playing in my head, thus had to go watch it. Makes me all teary eyed and stuff. Weird kinda cocktail of the head. can see it HERE.

Addendum 09/04/13 12:57 P.M. C.D.T. : Just spoke with my doctor....he saw the CAT Scan. It's not good. Will be seeing him tomorrow. As you may imagine, I am a tad shaken. Will let ya'll know....

09/03/13 8:07 P.M. C.D.T. : Over the last few days I have been feeling this coming. Sunday and Monday I spent the days in bed for the most part. This morning breathing was a challenge, to put it mildly. Suffice to say, I couldn't make the appointment.

Still waiting for the promised phone call so I can at least learn what the most recent C.T. scan shows. 

08/26/13 3:30 P.M. C.T. : Talked with my pulmonary guy. He called so he wouldn't forget to call, but...his computer wouldn't fire up to view the scan so he had no opinion.  Thus, no word. I have an appointment on September 3rd...hopefully have some info then.

Spent all of yesterday in bed. I think it's either allergies or coming down with a cold. Whatever it is, Mickey and all augment the impact. Today was MUCH better, thus figure allergies.

We'll see.

08/18/13 1:15 P.M.C.T. : Had my CAT Scan on Friday. Tuesday for me was miserable and became a "Lost" evening. Spent two days in bed. Hoping to get some results tomorrow. See if Mickey Mass has vacated or left entirely. Here's hoping! Thanks for the prayers and well wishes.

07/24/13 10:33 A.M. C.T. : Well...Happy Birthday To Me! Merry Scootmas, everyone! Ok..where are the presents?!?!??!

07/23/13 9:20 A.M. C.T. : To the miserable, cowardly,  malcontent in Landing, New Jersey. Stop hiding. Come out and say who you are and I may publish your venom! As for the "shrinking"'s a wee bit smaller because it is more defined. I am not making up what I am being told. It is what it is.

07/21/13 8:20 A.M. C.T. : Had my appointment yesterday with my G.P. Meds added to the mix. Prevailing thought (read:hope) is that it is an infection and not cancer. We'll see. In the meantime, I'd like to sell a kidney so I can get a full blown R.V. ! Would be HUGE change in my life.

06/16/13 7:15 A.M. C.T. : HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all those Men who stepped up to the place, without needing an appearance on The Maury Show! Well done!

PREFACE: It's a good idea to know what this reference relates to in some of the following posts: HABITRAIL

Monday, December 9, 2013

She's Come Here To Sing.....

The saying goes, "It isn't over until the Fat Lady sings".

Hopefully, this will be the last ever post in my blog. I'm not homeless anymore...and God willing, I'll stay that way.

By and large, it's been an interesting chapter in my life. Exposed to a lot of things I never thought I'd be. Met MANY really nice and wonderful folks....ran into very few, ardent detractors...some quite vile. As I compose this, I am debating whether to expose them or not...we'll see.

Last month my apartment was robbed...took my MacBook and some other items. Fortunately, I had renter's insurance, but with a high deductible. When you think about how long I lived in The Conversion Van Of Wonders and some motel rooms of questionable repute, ironic it happens when I am in an apartment, proper.

Go figure....

This month has been a tough one. As of this writing, I have just over $2.00 to get through December. I have food...I buy that at the beginning of the month..and hope it will last until January. Christmas is a non-starter, as was Thanksgiving. But I know where I live night after night and it's warm!

Just got through a really nasty ice storm. From what I am to understand, that's common here in Texas as opposed to snow. Frankly, I can do quite nicely with out either, thank you!

And for the last few days, I have been sleeping like never before. I am hoping I am not coming down with Mono...that would REALLY suck!

As far as Mickey Mass goes, haven't heard from him lately. I put off my biopsy wanting to be put on Anti-Fungal meds and then take a couple of pictures to see if Mickey has left the building. Reason being, in the tests done ahead of the biopsy, I tested positive for Aspergillus which is quite common when one has compromised lungs and had significant doses of Prednisone over an extended period of time. Before I get poked and a bit of myself extracted, let's try something a little less invasive. However, my lung guy has not gotten back to me in over 3 weeks.

Guess I'm on my own for now.

In the future I will be writing on my other blog, The Pundit Nomadic, that has been dormant for quite some time now.

I am working on 3 projects that I hope will be announced shortly after the 1st of the year. As I said before, I didn't come to Texas to be flat on my back! I am determined to be off of disability before 2015. And fortunatley, I have a home from which to launch said endeavors! is with mixed emotions I step away from this journal. It was a great outlet for me and exposed me to many great folks, some opportunities, and gave me my 15 minutes of fame.

All in all, I've been pretty blessed!

In closing allow me to thank you all for reading, your prayers and good thoughts, material support, and encouragement.  

It's been quite a ride!

Be blessed and have a GREAT Christmas and the very best Happy New Year possible.

See you on the other site.....


Friday, October 11, 2013

What A Difference A Year Makes!

A year ago....I had such optimism...the future ahead...a new gig...making in Dallas!

YEAH...DALLAS! Scoot R. Ewing.


My lungs said, "WHOA! Guess what you did to me! Oh...and the weaponized radiator blow! See you when we meet the worms."

And Michael Strahan..S.T.F.U please about how my death will be. Promote awareness..great. Get people to see their physician? Sure. I don't see The American Cancer Society doing ads telling us all how horrible a passing someone afflicted with their said malady will experience.

QUOTE: "Like breathing through a straw"

Know what....blow me!

Look..I get it. Like half of C.O.P.D. is a disease of behavior, emphysema. and with the addition of Mickey Mass...even more burdensome.

SIDETRACK: Still waiting an appointment for my biopsy. Did all the blood work. Don't know what it means. If anyone can read this stuff, let me know...I'll send it to you.

Which brings me to the subject of....Death. And how it's dealt with.

Anyone watch "GLEE" last night?

The goodbye to Finn was perfect. Ryan Murphy is a genius! Probably the smartest, best, and brightest in T.V. today.

The guy is gayer than pink paint, and rarely does that come through his work. If anyone was ever to make a movie of my should be him. And if "GLEE" wants to add a character with C.O.P.D. and (formerly) homeless...I'm your guy!


This was a lot of filler to say....nothing new to say.

But thanks for reading...following...and your support.

God bless you all and be well.

Until next time....

Thursday, September 12, 2013

One Reason I Like T-Shirts As Opposed To....

...button down collars ones....

No sleeve to wear my heart on.

I think that maybe my healing grace will come from finally really feeling stuff. If any of you follow me on FaceBook, you can see the music from YouTube that I post.

Maudlin sometimes....sometimes sappy...

Just stuff that affects me.

So..if inclined...take a listen to some of the things that really makes my face all wet and stuff.


This one embedding has been disabled, but it is SOOOO damn sweet and touching. Find it HERE!

This one as well: DITTO

I can not STAND her politics..but her voice....a gift...for us all.

Better than the original...and the one song that kept me linked to my faith over the decades...

And this one....I can't watch enough. A gift taken away from us all, way too soon.!

Until next time....

Sunday, September 8, 2013

OK...Here's The Deal.....

Mickey has not grown much at all, but the anti biotics used in the hope this was an infection accomplished nothing.

Hope's Dashed!

Now we are hoping it's fungal...yecchhh...and I am being scheduled for a biopsy sometime next week.

The prospects for treatment if it's cancer are not promising. Mortality rates on the operating table are grim. I already decided I won't be operated on. If I survive the surgery, half of the one lung will be gone and my left one is compromised. Meaning, I'll be all but an invalid.

Not happening.

I either will overcome this thing or die. Better that than being in a Lil' Rascal and constant oxygen up my nose.

As for the apartment, it's coming along. It is.....modest. The thing I like about this place is they insist on background checks! You have a can't live here. It's quiet, most are friendly, some quite odd.

And I have "pets"! (Think the movie "Joe's Apartment)  I kill these pets every chance I get. NOT bedbugs....just some other forms of pain in the ass. One thing I noticed, these guys are SMART! I have never seen insects so in tune what is around them before. as soon as one thinks I'm about to get him, he blots, and I mean BOLTS away.

When I kill one, I leave the body around for a while as a message to his pals. And when one happens upon the stove...he makes a snapping sound!

The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders is not doing well at all. I hopefully have someone looking at it tonight, because it is really not safe for me to use. I have no other choice. Between needing stuff and driving into Fort Worth for health care, I must have wheels.

Thus the update. I thank all of you who I see coming back over and over. It's nice to know you are still interested.

Be well.

Until next time.....

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Random Stuff....

Mixed bag of things today.

Got approved for my health care for another year. UNDERSTAND this is NOT Obamacare nor taxpayer funded care. It is a self sustaining H.M.O. and not forcibly paid for by you!

Tomorrow I have a CAT Scan scheduled to see if Mickey Mass has vacated, or is something more....problematic. I have been on anti-biotics for a month and we'll see if they had an impact.

Given Gov. Rick Perry's "KMA" attitude towards Washington, D.C. , unlikely I will have to face the "Death Panels"!

Got some personal unpleasant news from back east. Happens and I'll grow past it.

SIDETRACK: There was a website I saw years ago that promoted, during the heyday of "MetroSexual", the embrace of "RetroSexual". Translation: Man Up!

On that site I saw this expression for the first time:

"It is what it is, and I'll deal with it"

That has served me really,  REALLY well, over the years!


Random stuff.

Texas Experience: One night outside my apartment, I was enjoying the Texas air and two guys...rather scruffy looking....were carting off a decent sized flat screen. One said to me:

"I know what this looks like....."

Then tried to sell it to me, or anyone I might know who wanted one.

I have NEVER seen more "Red Heads" in any other place than I have seen here in Texas.
Now, those who have been following me from the beginning, or went and read past postings, know my affinity for crimson haired girls. You can read one example of my in infatuation with "Ariel" (my dream girl) HERE! Thus, I am tuned in to noticing that. Must be a lot of Scott DNA. #PassTheHaggis

When I go out for a walk I love the feeling of the Texas Sun on my back. My face and eyes, not so much.

This area is the most culturally, ethnically, religiously, and racially diverse place I have ever lived, and the connection between each of us is solid. There is a sense of "We are all in this together" that I haven't ever felt before.

Working on the new living space. Paid my rent a month in advance, exclusive of any deposit. I am locked solid to the end of September. Will post pics, soon.

Texas is the only place I have seen Special Truck Editions names after the state, or something related. I mean, you don't see "The Snookie Edition" of a Ford F-150 or "The Christie Cargo Carrier" GovMotors C4500!

SIDETRACK REDUX: Soon I'll post pics of said vehicles.

Along that same vein, I see a LOT of homes, apartments, vehicle, etc. with "I AM A Texan" type of ornaments. Don't see that in many places.

Found out that The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders can pass inspection, once I register it here. Seems that vehicles over 20 years old are exempt from emissions inspection Take THAT Al Gore and your tree huggin' pals!

Lastly and in honor of #MockObamaDay old posting HERE!

And...about to be an Official Texan!

Until next time.....

Friday, August 9, 2013

Milestone And Forward....

Today marks four years since I lost my home of some 30 years. I was NOT a product of the meltdown of folks who got homes they couldn't afford. I afforded mine for quite some time, thank you!

For four years I lived in The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders. Some of those years in a Budd Lake WalMart parking lot, some not. Using addresses of friends and family to keep my driver's license alive, as well as, my registration. But that's changed....


An apartment actually in Euless, Texas. My OWN address, my OWN home! And nothing would make me happier than to say I worked my way up.  I survived and, in some ways, thrived as best as anyone could in my circumstance.

I tried to take a light hearted approach about it all when writing here. I mean, I was basically safe and pretty comfortable when in the WalMart lot. and even heading to Texas I had help from family and loyal friends. Without that support and encouragement I'd have been lost.

Here's the thing....

I can't say I "DID" this. I got a bad Set-0-Lungs and am now on disability. Certainly my C.O.PD. is largely a result of behavior (smoking), but this incident put it all over the top, I think. You can read about it HERE. Subsequent to this, symptoms I had been feeling and blowing off (that) became much more intense. I chalked it up to Jersey Shore air and the "weaponized steam smelled like Italian dressing on a fruity salad, with a teasing hint of "clean".

So it's a combination of things:

MAJOR help from the following:

The Knight family

Chris and John from Flanders.

John from Warren County who kept my generator working, and replaced it when it died.

Michelle and John from Flanders who bought the big generator when the smaller one died, that Black Friday back when. They also tried to help me save my "stuff"...only later to be lost in  a Storage Auction. (B.T.W. stay away from Public Storage, they are ruthless. Deal locally when getting a storage place!"

Amy in Budd Lake who was a great help from Netcong road.

Barb from New Jersey who was a steady and constant source of help.

Mo from the convenience store here in Euless, who kept me going by helping me along as time went by.

The Mitzvah Circle who helped along the way.

Mark Horvath of Invisible People who got Glenn Beck to notice me. His site is HERE.

Pastor Fono of The Church of Tonga (Methodist Wesleyan)  who gave me support when I needed it most. If you want to help him build his church you can donate:

Pastor Salesi Fono
Church of Tonga
1000 Cresthaven Drive
Euless, Texas  76040

(He is seeking his tax exempt status, thus any donation is from the heart and not tax deductible, currently)

Pastor Brad Carignan who brought me back to my faith and does GREAT work world wide! You can offer something to the Pastor and his wife Josie in two ways:

The Church website can be found HERE.


He and his wife do significant work in the battle against human trafficking via their other effort called "Rescue Her".  It's world wide and a great worthy cause. You can find them HERE. I was able to make a significant donation to them, myself.

All the folks who not only tolerated and helped me at WalMart and McDonald's in New Jersey, but also the gang at the QT in Euless who not only supported me, but when I had another radiator hose go kablooey, took a collection on the spot so I could get a new one.

The folks at Soup Mobile who helped me, via another charity when I had the scariest day of my life. You can read it HERE.

I know I am forgetting some folks...I will update at I recall.

And then there is Glenn Beck, Mark Levin, and Gov. Rick Perry .


Because these three inspire me to be more than I  thought I could be.

Mark: His radio show promoting self determination versus reliance on Government. I sabotaged my initial forced application for disability not wanting to throw in the white flag. Mark is a hands on advocate for America, and his "Landmark Legal" foundation well worth of your support!

Glenn: For his focus on God and what I can be in spite of myself. Glenn brought me into the spotlight and inspired me to volunteer for his event "Restoring Love" event at Cowboys' Stadium.

SIDETRACK: I know they changed the name recently, but I refuse to call it anything else!

His focus on the Constitution, as well as Mark's, is essential and important. And speaking of Glenn....

His charity effort "MercuryOne" , who was first boots on the ground for Hurricane Sandy and the tornadoes in Oklahoma is more that worthy of your support.

Glenn's charity also helped me when I was most vulnerable along with Soupmobile. Thanks to Joe and Ted for their encouragement and help.

And Rick Perry? Because of his K.M.A. attitude to Washington! Texas holds the promise for me to find inspired to effort and enterprise that transcends my lung thang....and makes me more that I think, right now, I can be.

LOVE it!!!


This is step in the right direction for me. I don't have to struggle for the day to day survival I did prior.

God please Bless ALL those who have helped me along!!!

Here's hoping this holds together....

Until next time...

Sunday, July 21, 2013


And that goes for just about everything right now.

My birthday, formerly referred to as "The Dawn Of The Downward Spiral", is this Wednesday. I'll be 58.


It also marks one year that I have been in Texas.

Saw my G.P. yesterday and she put me back on some meds I had been able to stop, and suggested a couple of new ones. Since I have Medicaid until the end of the month, I was able to get 3 of them right away. The 4th only cost me $7.00.

I now have $3.00 in the bank.

Here's what's new:

I am on disability. I don't want to be on disability. Back in New Jersey, the state forced me to apply for it and I did what I could to sabotage that effort. I was successful. To me, it was throwing in the towel. I wanted to move forward and rebuild my life, not be stuck in the current situation and languish

I had built myself back up, before. I can be very determined. I am lacking passion, at this point.

SIDETRACK: My claim for disability here was actually made by the hospital who treated me on November 28th and 30th, 2012. The claim was denied. Not unusual for Texas. The denial rate for appeals is aroun 86%, including when using a lawyer.

The day I got the denial notice, I found some errors, some wrong assumptions, and so forth. I immediately filed my own appeal online...and won! I beat the odds!

SUB-SIDETRACK: Before anyone goes off on me, I have not been on public assistance since birth! I paid into this system for decades. So don't get started!

The point of this is, I can get stuff done in the face of oppressive odds. If you all knew some of the people and organizations I have wormed my way into, you'd be impressed. I can be formidable.

I just wish I had been able to succeed in something other than getting public assistance. As I said prior, I did not come to Texas to be on my back.

As for Mickey Mass, the prevailing (read: hopeful) thought is it is an infection and I am on a month's worth of anti-biotics. Said medicine has some significant side effects, 99% of which, to my surprise, I am not feeling. One though is knocking me on my ass at times. It makes me very sensitive to temperature and sunlight. Not helpful, being summer and all. Takes away a lot of energy from me. Haven't been able to attend Church for a few weeks. birthday is coming.


Having achieved winning my appeal and getting the help I am is not something I cheer about. I am hoping at some point to find my way into something I can do or promote, and make a career again. Even though it is The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders, and has housed me coming on 4 years now, it's disheartening to be living in it.

I am hoping to be able to buy a full fledged R.V. It would be a home no one could ever take away from me. I could at least be able to stand straight up in and have a complete bathroom. Found a couple of Craig's List seem just right. Priced reasonably and low mileage. As for where to park, Walmarts are everywhere.

If anyone feels moved to bless me somehow, feel free. The PayPal button is right up top.

I see these other homeless guys online via blogs or social media. One guy, in L.A. is really making a go of things and moving along. One guy, even though he got housing and stuff, is just an angry, bitter man. The 3rd is wandering the country trying to find any kind of opportunity he can, but he keeps running into road blocks. All define themselves by their living conditions...even the housed guy.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to be the "Homeless Guy". The "Handicapped Guy". I want to be...just a guy living life and moving along. Contributing, not taking.

And I so need a place to call home.

I'll keep plugging at it.

Happy Birthday, me.


Oh...the way one would commemorate "The Dawn Of The Downward Spiral" is to eat a Tombstone Pizza and have a Black Russian, in case you wondered.

Thanks for reading. Until next time....

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Mickey Mass Morphs

This going to be brief and not what I promised. Will get back to that, tomorrow.

Spent the day in E.R. with the usual symptoms. First check heart....which is okee dokee...

Lungs, not so much.

Seems Mickey has shrunk a bit, BUT.....has begun to define himself quite nicely. For the first time, he has been defined as "Suspect"!

Who knows.

Anyhow, I am spent and more than a bit sullen. On the upside, my veins get compliments everywhere I go. Some are admired for their beauty, talents, achievements.

I get "You have really great veins, and plenty of  'oomph'! "

Write more tomorrow and post the CAT and X-Ray images.

Until then....

Monday, July 15, 2013

In 9 Days...

...I turn 58. Next month, on the 9th, it will be the 4 year mark of yours truly residing in The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders.

Not where I imagined myself to be when I was 5.

Some 53 years ago.

No word yet on what Micky Mass may be. The prevailing thought is infection. I am on a 30 day regimen of antibiotics. After that, a CAST scan done and we see.

Also in 9 days I will have reached the one year mark of being in Texas.  Arrived with expectations of getting my life back and moving on.

I still have my life and have moved on. However not in a direction I wanted.

SIDETRACK: For those of you late to the party, the story thus far.

In New Jersey I found myself on what I call "Disability Lite". One condition of being on said entitlement was applying for Disability in the forms of "Supplemental Security Income (S.S.I)" and "State Disability Income (S.D.I.)". I was on that due to two cardiac episodes, a two week bout with Diverticulitis, and a couple of small strokes over a period of some 3 years.

I pushed off applying for full blown benefits in the hope of being able to gain my self some testicular fortitude and get on with things.

The following year, I was told in no uncertain verbiage, apply to aforementioned programs or lose everything!

I did so, halfheartedly, with result being I was turned down. I didn't appeal.

Moving to Texas was the end game for that.

Turns out, being here may just be the end of stuff. A lot has gone wrong, and  gone right.

Gone Right: Had work (lost due to health). volunteering at "Restoring Love", blessed by so many people helping, got baptized and re-found faith.

Gone Wrong: Health, work, income, shelter. In HUGE chucks!!!

I don't know what to expect, anymore. Or even hope for.

Will write more, tomorrow......

Until then....

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Friday, July 5th Marked....

...the One Year mark of me leaving New Jersey.

Best thing I could have done! However, results have been less than spectacular.

Started out nice enough. Even found some work.

Then I got sick. REALLY sick!

I said it before, I didn't come to Texas to be flat on my back.

Still hoping for some change...progress forward and all that.

We'll see....

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Ok...I Wanted To Wait Until I Knew The Results

As you all know, when last in the E.R. thinking I was having a Heart Attack, the folks there found no cardiac issues, but instead I had a mass named Mickey in my right lung. After that discovery, a couple of them came into my room with masks over their face.

Tuberculosis concern!

I asked them if it might be MRSA or TB, but never got a reply. I asked if they wanted to test me. No reply.

About 10 days later, I get a call from The Tarrant County Board Of Health. They wanted to have a conversation.

Seems the hospital had reached out to them, and the info they gave regards chain of events on June 7th were not quite accurate. Also, the person who called said they were trying to find me.

They had my cell number.


Anyhow, I had to go into Fort Worth and get a blood test and leave some phlegm for testing.

Blood = TB Yea of Nay
Phlegm = Strain of TB to determine treatment.

If positive, I am administered IN PERSON AND DAILY prescribed meds. They insist on that so they can be sure I was taking it. I asked, what if I don't.

  Welcome To Club Med(ical)

San Antonio, Texas! A resort for those who's lungs are a playground for bacteria, a playground for those who refuse treatment and home quarantine. Some activities there include:

  • Movies
  • Computer literacy
  • Religious Studies
  • Computer-based reading literacy
  • Computer games
  • Reading
  • Puzzles
  • Board games
  • Playing cards
  • Video games
  • Leather work
  • Plaster art
  • Plastic stain glass art
  • Sewing
  • Music therapy
  • Woodworking
  • Beading
  • Knitting
  • Pool tables
  • Volleyball
  • Basketball
  • Gardening
  • Badminton
  • Croquet
  • Ping Pong
  • Bingo
  • Horseshoe toss
What could be better? I bet they have a "Turn Down" service and leave anti-biotic laden mints on the pillows. You can visit their website, maybe make reservations, HERE. I am all ready for a 6 month vaca when I find out....



Stuck in the van! For now. That will change soon, though. Minus Woodworking and Horseshoe Toss.

So, your humble narrator is NOT infectious and can mingle about the great unwashed with concern of making someone ill.

Well...with TB, anyhow.

Until next time....

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Ok...So I Saw My Pulmonary Guy.....

....on Thursday and.....

Inconclusive regards Mickey. He isn't leaning toward cancer....won't rule it out, either.....and is putting me on 30 days of an anti-biotic, with a follow up CAT Scan in 6 weeks.

Haven't had any episodes of pain lately. Always a plus!

Will keep you all posted and thanks for reading.

Until next time.....

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Howdy! It's Been A While!

I have been remiss is posting after updating that I have a new part to my body. Here's what happened....

Friday, June 7th, I was going about my morning getting ready to introduce myself to a local corporation and a Social Media Summer campaign I conceived for them.Beautiful day, moderate temperature...all looked good. Then the pain started.....

It was in my back and felt EXACTLY like the pain I had when I experienced my real heart atack back in 2009, and got a stent put in. After it hit a certain level, I went to the nearest E.R. and was checked in immediately.

It was determine pretty quickly that odds were this was NOT a cardiac event. Thus, the CAT Scan and X-Ray were ordered. It was at that point, they discovered I had an infection in the upper part of my right lung, with a bonus feature of a "Mass" behind that. Said item's nature still undetermined. They loaded me up with 2 Broad Spectrum I.V. anti-biotics and sent me on my way. They wanted me to stay for tests and all, but I said no. It was late in the day on a Friday, thus nothing would be done except run up the bill, until Monday. So, back to the van for moi.

I see my pulmonary guy this coming Thursday. At that point I'll know if a biopsy will be performed, or just more anti-biotics. We'll see....

Now I am of the nature to give nick names to things. People, devices, stuff. For example I called my Food Saver appliance the Vac-U-Suck. You get the idea.

I was at a loss of what to call my mass, until I was finally able to view the X-Ray on my computer, and it all came into focus.


Mickey Mass! Whoda' thought!

(This is REALLY my X-Ray! You can see the date in the lower right side of image)

Immediately I had the theme for "The Mickey Mouse Club" being all earwormish in my head and new lyrics came about. Before I show you those, a frame of reference is called for those too young to recall the ORIGINAL M.M.C. and not the creepy one in the 90's. Presented for your enjoyment.....

SIDETRACK: I found this FULL COLOR version I never knew existed before. Only ever saw the show in Black and White.

So I came up with this. Know it's a Work In Progress.

Who's the one, lives in your lung
and makes it hard to breathe
M I C...K E Y...MA-SS, that's he! (Sung EmmA-SS)

Hey There, Hi There, Hack There
I can hear you wheeze.

M I C...K E Y...MA-SS, that's he!

Mickey Mass
(Donald clot)
Mickey Mass
(Donald clot)

Forever keep your platelet levels high

High, HIgh, HIGH...

You get the idea. limbo and seeing what happens. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Until next time.......

Thursday, May 30, 2013

What I Learned From Lenny Bruce....

...well at least the movie version of his life!

A: That Bob Fosse was truly an American treasure. And Dustin Hoffman is brilliant.
B. Definition of a "Schmuck" : Someone who gets out of the shower to pee.
C. That using "Blah Blah" in the place of expected naughty words was REALLY funny!

SIDETRACK: When I was singing in night clubs for a living, one band I was with, "Triffid", did a song by Paul McCartney called "Smile Away". In the middle of the song I would engage the audience and get'em to sing along with me. Well, one night I came up with this whole rap about farts. What it boiled down to was:

1. You came to the club to hopefully meet someone.
2. You'd been indulging in adult beverage of an effervescent nature.
3. Hopefully accompany that person to the local diner...this was New Jersey, after all.
4. And while finally being able to talk in a normal volume, you...the male...realized, right in the middle of the diner and booth.... you had to fart.

And I would go on to describe the varieties of flatulence one could count on.

It was a BIG fav of our fans.

However, one night we played a club owned by this really uptight ex high school football coach who took exception to that word....fart. Called our management the next day and said we would never play the club again, it I performed it once more that night.

So...instead I used..."blah"!

It was a hit with those who had heard the song before, and those new to us, got it anyway.

Worked for Lenny. Me...not so much. It was years before we played that club again.

But I digress....

4. How not to flame out in to an ember.

Lenny was arrested over and over for obscenity across the nation. In many ways he is responsible for the broader definition of The First Amendment we enjoy today. Just because he was vulgar, doesn't mean he didn't fall on the sword and allow things we like today, such as,  the free flow of information, opinion, and debate. Like on the internet.

In the last years of his life and career, Lenny took to reading the transcripts of his trials in comedy clubs, instead of doing comedy.


My postings as of late have been, by and large, maudlin...depressing...a bit self indulgent with a dash of pity...

I used to come here, write stuff in an attempt try to be funny, observant, clever...etc.

No so for quite some time. And I need to change that. Not just for you, but myself as well.

Of course I'll post when something goes amiss, but certainly in a different fashion that I have been. No one likes a whiner, most of all your humble narrator.

So expect some announcements of projects I have been developing and progress in becoming a Texas for real.

Yeah, my lungs suck now. It is what it is. But I have other parts to my anatomy, and that includes my Heart. I need to spend more time talking to it. It still sees a nice future.

Here's hoping!

Until next time.....

Monday, May 27, 2013

Like A Strike Out Of The Blue....

....I had another attack last night. One of the kind that orders my bladder to shrink itself in a way it knows best, regardless a facility to do so neatly!

It's like being a fish out of water. I am gasping, getting little clutches of air, and mentally telling myself not to panic, because that only makes things a LOT worse.

Fortunately, last week I had the $5.00 co-pay and picked up my Prednisone so it could be on hand. You aren't supposed to do this, but I chewed it so it would work much faster. Good thing I did, because I am convinced I'd have passed out and maybe stopped breathing at all, had it not kicked in and reduced the swelling of my lungs. And we all know what that can lead to. Good timing for me that I got Baptized last Sunday.

I had a sense this was coming. Saturday breathing was labored but not drastically. Sunday morning I almost didn't make it to Church because it was getting much harder to breathe. So when nighttime arrived and it was coming on strong, I was taken aback but not surprised.

On the shelter front, things have nosed dived. Recent situations with a couple of other guys here.....addicts...that stayed in the house have started to come down on my head. Both were kicked out, finally, but I find myself left in the wake. I was made to unplug from the electric, thus losing my A.C., thus losing cleaned air.

SIDETRACK: I sleep in the van because it's a lot easier to get stuff done online with all my stuff in one place. Plus, this guy doesn't use utilities like heat and A.C. at all. With minimal devices I can heat and cool in here, as well. I should note he is Tongan and has a different take on many things.

He has a WAY overinflated view on what it costs for me to be here. Granted, it's not free, but for the amount of time I am parked and using power it's about $.89 cents a day. A shower costs 0.0040 each time. To him that's enormous. His point of view regards my choices are breathe air like him, go to the hospital, or leave here. (He likes to sleep outside) I do that and I have another BIG bill on my back that I can ill afford. (No pun intended)

SIDETRACK: I am not living a life of leisure here. I do a number of things for him, and help physically where I can. My abilities, physical labor wise, are no doubt compromised. I have been writing material for applications he is making for permits and such.

Bottom line...I need to come up with some funds. Not just for here, but $65.00 for medicine co-pays. The co-pays I need by tomorrow, or the stuff goes back to the central pharmacy of the H.M.O. I am blessed to be enrolled in. It will take another 4 days for it all to be resent to where I pick things up.

I do have some lighter stories to write about, and one in particular that's was kinda sad. However, my mind is reeling trying to get my ducks at least in the same neighborhood, let alone in a row.

Oh...I had a 3 week bout with gastro olympics and have about 2 months of laundry to do. I am discovering a certain "freedom" from lack of clean underwear.

Thus, today is all about fund raising via the generosity of others and seeking out day gigs I am capable of doing. Wish me luck, please, and Pray for me. If anyone wants to help, time is an issue. Best way would be a MoneyGram via C.V.S. or Walmart.  You can email confirmation via:

I will need it!

Hopefully next time I can write like I used to. We'll see.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

May 19th, 2013

My very first Baptism in Grapevine Lake, Texas.! I felt different immediately.

Will post soon....

Hoping you all are having a GREAT and SAFE Memorial Day Weekend. Keep in mind what's being commemorated!

Monday, May 6, 2013


Last week began with pressure on my chest. As much as I tried on Sunday, I couldn't make it to services. Wound up spending that day, and a few following, with my face in an Air Conditioner for cold, filtered air. I reached out to my ;Pulmonary guy and to this moment still have not heard back.

By Tuesday it had become unbearable and found myself, once again, gasping for every breath. I couldn't walk from one end of The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders to the other without having to stop for a few minutes to try and catch my breath. Twice the spasms  put so much pressure on my body, I lost control of my bladder twice.

I really did not want to go to the E.R.!

I made my way to the clinic that I get meds with a co-pay from to see if the doctor there would see me and hopefully give me a prescription for Prednisone. Despite my VERY obvious distress, he refused both requests. Instead telling me through his nurse to go to an E.R. or the urgent care place they run some 40 miles away.

SIDETRACK: I do NOT want to appear to diss the health plan I have been blessed with. This doctor and I do not seem on the same page. I requested, and was given, a different Physician and I see her this coming Wednesday.

Left that facility and stopped by a CVS where I bought liquid Ibruprofen and allergy meds. The Ibru is an anti-inflammatory, thus hopefully would reduce the swelling of my lungs. The allergy meds, because I had a hunch.

On the way back to where I am parked, I stopped at the hospital I was rushed to 3 times in the last 6 months to get the CD of my X-Rays and Radiologist's report. I didn't get but 20 feet and they had to put me in a wheel chair. I wound up being driven to the department and out to my vehicle.

It was not pleasant at all.

Anyhow, I started using the Ibru as well as my inhalers which brought some relief. The next day I took the allergy med and noticed a decent amount of relief. My hunch played out. Thing is, when I saw the Pulmonary guy on the 24th, I was in a good amount of distress walking to the building and down the hall. About 40 minutes into the visit they ran a test to see how much oxygen I was getting in my blood. I had to walk up and down a corridor at a brisk pace for six and a half minutes. As I rounded each time by the nurse, I had to show her the reading on the meter I carried. It never went below 90, which is good. Here's the kicker....

I wasn't all that winded when I got done! It felt no more that if I was out of shape and a bit take aback. Without question, I am lacking some exercise given what I deal with. But what really surprised me was how I was not on the floor gasping.

At that point I figured allergies were aggravating, thus irritating my lungs to the point of being swollen. Hence, the allergy med.

My breathing right now is still no where perfect. Being out in the open as it were, the Loratadine is helpful but not quite enough to get me as stable as possible. But that's not my only problem...

A dear friend in New Jersey PayPal'd me some funds to pay for my auto insurance.I wound up having to use a good amount on meds and gas, plus my Spiriva script which I pick up today with a $20.00 co-pay.

I also eat, sometimes. I keep it to one meal a day for two reasons:

A: Not much space inside me right now, thus keeping pressure off of my lungs.
B: Don't want to spend the money.

I got myself a decent meal, figuring my body is weakened from not eating enough, thus had to do something.

So now I have to be out and about "fundraising" and do the best I can. I have until the 11th to pay Progressive. I am still waiting on my appeal to Disability.

There is a new to me med I read about called Zymessence that's an enzyme based anti-inflammatory. The steroid based ones, over time, do bad stuff to the body. and given my experiences, I know I need something to keep my lungs quelled on a regular basis. Everything I have read about this stuff has been positive.

We'll see....

By the next time I post I should have some news about an opportunity that may be available for me to earn some money. Don't want to say too much..but it could be big!

Anyhow...thanks for your prayers and good wishes.

Until next time....

Thursday, April 25, 2013

FINALLY Saw My Specialist And....

The news is pretty grim.

Up until yesterday, no one had offered an evaluation of how far along C.O.P.D. in me was. Well..this guy had few words to offer.

"Bad...really, pretty bad"

That didn't help!Now understand, he was looking at info from January and the X-Rays from November. I can only imagine how things are now. (It took a few lost gas insurance on finally be able to keep an appointment. Thus, the lag.)

These last few days have been really tough, as well. What was interesting, when I was in the facility I could breathe a lot easier. I had to do this 6 minute walk with a blood oxygen monitor, and my level never dropped below 91%...generally stayed around 96%. Peaked at 99%. I am thinking that maybe this part of Texas has something really bothering my lungs...allergies perhaps.

Anyhow, I have to get a copy of the report next week and pass it along for my disability appeal. And I hate that....

I avoided applying for that program for a number of years. Even had this one kinda nutty woman yell at me at Camp Scooter SouthWest because I wouldn't lie and  say...." what you need to say to get the money". TRUE STORY!

I can't work. I mean even driving these last 3 days has been a problem. So I am out and about as much as I can be hoping to do some fundraising in the hopes something improves...whatever that may be.

What a disappointment! I come here to change my life after all the other medical stuff I prevailed over, only to be stunted by this. Akkk....

Friday, April 12, 2013

Best Job EVER!!!!!! would have been.

Last Saturday I was supposed to go to a full day training to be certified as a Public Fireworks Technician! And at the end of the day, after a dinner was served, we'd be shooting stuff off. I was instructed to wear clothing that was non-synthetic so that..."The E.R. wouldn't have to peel anything off my skin should there be an accident"!

Went to bed early the night before so as not to be late. Woke up......

Lungs weren't happy. I used the Symbicort puffer and that helped, but not fast enough. Suffice to say, opportunity lost.

I wasn't sure I'd be able to do the job past the training. Wanted to see how I would handle the smoke from the displays. I mean, you light and then step back. I didn't know how much smoke would be created or blown my way.

But it was worth a pun intended.

Back in the day, the 4th of July was my Christmas! I LOVE fireworks. Anything that flies, explodes, sparkles, or make hellish noises, I'm all in. This would have been an ideal gig.


Anyhow....I still seek some manner of employ and await the determination of my disability claim. Something I avoided with vigor through the other maladies that struck me.

Been struck by Writer's Block lately. I think it's as much from wanting to write stuff like I used to as opposed to the "woe is me" material, as well as,  feeling stunted by frustration at my current circumstances.

Someday I'll write about my living situation....will be an interesting read. But in the meantime I do what I have to and hope for the best.

Thanks for reading....

Until next time.....

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

If At First You Don't Succeed...

...give yourself another chance to fail!

 My career as a Lap Rat at the Habitrail Clinical Studies Facility has ended with a thud! I tried pacing myself, used the new cleansing meds given me at the last possible moment and still woke up finding it hard to breathe.

SIDETRACK: There is gap that needs be in place between when I last used those meds to when I will do whatever for the study. I figured if I put off the dose to the last minute, I would have some extra breathing get myself to the clinic.

It didn't work out that way.

It also didn't help we have been going through a significant, sometimes record breaking, cold snap here in Northern Texas. It was in the upper 20's in some spots. When and where I woke up it was 31°.

I had to call the clinic and throw in the towel.

Once I used my Sybicort inhaler, my lungs opened up and breathing became MUCH better!

Seems now that I have a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, my meds come with their own jingles. A melodic way to deal with illness. My malady has it's own soundtrack.

Spiriva has this lilting, violin driven tune with just a hint of optimism. Behold....

Now Symbicort goes for a perky, guitar driven melody, which finds a time to mute it's spunkiness while the possible dire side effects are described by the actor, between detailing tasks on his truck.

Unfortunately for the generics, they have neither jingles nor commercials. Maybe I'll compose something on their behalf so they don't feel left out. Kind of a "Participation Trophy" for the meds sitting in the back of the class.

My goal was to make my C.O.P.D. earn it's keep. As long as it was going to make itself known, it should at least bring in an income. Guess I am once again the sole, potential, earner in this partnership. It could at least do the laundry.


My disability application is still pending and I continue to send out resumes and applications for work I know I could accomplish. Back to the drawing board, as it were. I just want to get as much done to slow this thing down before Obamacare kicks in fully and I have to visit with The Death Panels, as they determine my fate.

I prefer to choose my own path kidz, but thanks for offering.

Your humble narrator promises you, oh faithful readers, to do my best to get beyond this melancholy stuff and write more light side-0-things material. I think I need to go exploring Texas.....

Yeah, that's the ticket. Now I just need to afford some gasoline.....

Until next time....

Monday, March 18, 2013

"Official American Idol" Video

This is the footage from "Idol Across America:Dallas" video from the official YouTube Channel. I get to say, "Hello", and pass my dead skin cells to L.A. !


GO and vote for @PaulJolleyAI12

Sunday, March 17, 2013

One Year Anniversary

It was one year ago today, I pulled up stakes, folded the tent, and closed down Camp Scooter:SouthEast, Afscootistan. It was a few months before I left N.J., but this day marked my foray into a different future.....a new beginning. has been different!
If nothing else, I have seen and spent time in parts of the U.S.A. I hadn't before. Met a lot of interesting people, saw some stunning scenery, learned new stuff.....

But as of this moment I am stuck in the water. I continue to look for work, but since I started the switch of meds for the clinical drug study for which I am a lab rat, breathing has been more troublesome. So until this settles, I am kinda standing still.

The future is yet to be written for yours truly, yes?

We'll see.......

Until next time...

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

A REALLY Nice Diversion For Your Humble Narrator

It's no secret that I LOVE T.V. ! It's also well known that I am a fan of Glee, America's Got Talent, The X Factor.....and the one that got it all going....

American Idol!!!

INSTANT SIDETRACK: In the Seventies and early Eighties I made a living playing in night clubs. LOVED the life and miss it every day. When I can, I will sing via Karaoke and if someone were to by in range, I'll put on some music and sing along before I go to sleep.

Interesting thing.....I have been invited out to Karaoke a few times since being diagnosed with C.O.P.D. and found doing so helped my breathing. I was professional trained as a singer in my tender years, and the way I "breathe" is different when belting out a tune. For whatever reason, it does tend to help me.

Anyhow....if A.I. had been around when I was within the age range eligible, I'd have been all over this as a contestant.

This has been an interesting season so far. 3 new judges...reliable Randy...and the girls having a real edge over the boys, talent wise. You can see the Top 20 HERE. One guy has the same last name I do, spelled identically. Obviously who I am rooting for. Paul Jolley!

So I'm watching one of the "Hollywood Week" episodes...or was it Las Vegas...and they announce thing they do called "Idol Across America", where the A.I. mike to be handed to the winner makes it's way across country. In each of the 13 selected cities, those do a kind of relay race akin to The Olympic Torch Run...without the flames and carbon footprint.

Well, your truly was selected for the Dallas run that took place at The Perot Museum Of Nature And Science....a really, really neat place. I found myself more interested in my surroundings than the event itself, at times. You can see more about the museum HERE. When in Dallas, it's a must see!

The coordinators start placing us in different parts of the museum and are about to begin the run. I wind up being next to last which was perfect because I knew I'd get some screen time, taking the mic to the last person to take it.

He was the perfect guy to be last, and featured most. Not only did he have the Texas look from head to toe, but had been on Idol Season 7 and made it through to Hollywood. He was really nice guy and is working on a carreer in music to this day.

The local FOX affiliate, KDFW, was covering the event and their Features Reporter, Fiona Gorostiza was on hand to run the mic first, as well as, report on the festivities. Spoke with her for a bit...VERY nice woman...then we went our separate ways.

I have to tell you it was a nice break for me. Cost a little for gas and parking, but I got to see more of Dallas and got some A.I.12 swag!

The item on the left is a T-Shirt all squished inside that package, the other item a foam rubber microphone. Cute! day I had away from dealing with C.O.P.D. and my ongoing challenges.

It was........nice!

Below is the report on the day.

Until next time.....

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Fear And Loathing In The E.R.

Yep, tis true! I present the evidence for your consideration. Another few days of gasping for air....another trip to the E.R. They performed all the proper and necessary tests to rule out any heart problems, and then began administering meds. I got the written report on the X-Rays, and would have posted the images but I can't get over to pick them up right now.

I am alive...mostly.

Went to a presentation last night with a company called Ambit Energy. There program operates in a number of states, most notably Texas, and coincidentally New Jersey. In general, I take a jaundiced eye to these types of meetings, but came away impressed and keenly interested. Had some time at it's conclusion to talk with some people who have been involved since the beginning, as well as,  recent recruits.

Should I be able to get involved with this, I can market it in any state they are working in, for saving people significant cash for electric and gas utilities. It would offer a steady and significant income based on history and 3rd party evaluations of the company.

Here's the thing......
My situation regards my lungs limits any number of income opportunities from being within my abilities. Given my age and C.O.P.D. malady, it would be a direct act of God for me to be offered a position other than a Walmart Greeter or some manual labor. The FiOS job I lost when I contracted Pneumonia offered a nice bit-0-cash while it lasted, but doing door to door is not in my realm anymore.

I am a very good salesman. From building and selling my own company, to my time in automotive, to pitching projects and consulting....I did pretty well.

This opportunity is selling, certainly. But I can do so on many levels, including Social Media, YouTube, this blog, etc. I already have people to approach in N.J. and an entirely new state to do my best in.

I can make a go of this. Here's the other thing.....

I had to break down and apply for disability. Right now, hand to God, I have 98¢ in the bank and 23¢ in my pocket. That's it...and out of gas. I am blessed to have a place to park and work and sleep and shower...

You get the idea.

What I am looking for is a loan. I mean, someone wants to send me funds, I am grateful beyond belief and accepting of that gift. However, I have a substantial outlay to deal with. There are some meds to get, a water pump needed for the van, co-pays for my Pulmonary Specialist, and day to day expenses to be met. I am not approved for disability yet, but is in the pipeline.

This is the first thing to come along for me that shows significant promise and has my juices flowing. I had all but given up on gaining any real ground again in my life, throw in the towel, and languish. Learn to live with my disease and wait for the last sunset.

Now I am feeling different. If anyone reading this is interested in helping, PLEASE reach out to me via email, so we can connect one on one. I am willing to give out my phone number, just not anxious to publish it here. Of course there is also the PayPal button , screen right.

Also, if you are interested in this program as a customer, please email me for that as well. Once I get on board with this program, I can start saving you money on all things energy.

The email to use for all is:

I ask you all keep me in your prayers and thoughts for this to work out for me. I have seen the power of those efforts have a positive impact in my existence!

And of course, thanks for following me and reading my mash ups here.

Until next time....

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I Am Going To Address This ONCE.....

UPDATE 02/23/13 8:37 P.M.C.S.T. : 

Back in the E.R. Lungs have not been doing so well at all these last few days. Awaiting diag to see what's what. Wish me luck.....

There have been a number of comments left on here from people who represent opposite ends of the spectrum speculating on my sincerity and honesty. Some merely chastise....then there are ones like the following from the ever popular and cowardly “Anonymous”. It reads as follows.....

I am so happy to hear you are back in that van and not in a motel.

Sorry to hear people are still helping you with van bills and other expenses.

You are not to sick to work, you don't want to work and who would if they had others paying all their bills.

To begin with, this person and I are in agreement on one thing. I am glad to be out of the motel as well. I didn't like having the accumulating debt. Thus...I am free from that.

Consensus, though, ends there.......

Obviously this individual missed some history here. After arriving in Texas and subsequent to Beck's “Restoring Love” event, I had a job within a days. It involved a lot of outdoor work and walking in Texas level temps. I enjoyed the exercise, fresh air, and I had a new audience everyday. That particular gig was not a good fit product wise, thus I sought and found employ elsewhere.

Same kind of gig, different product, and the effort was producing results. I was paying my own way, living in Dallas in a nice place, and moving my life along.

Then I started having major breathing problems. I couldn't go one home to the next without gasping. Even after catching my breath and talking with someone, I would get winded sitting down simply from speaking.

On November 10th I was diagnosed with C.O.P.D. and a side of Pneumonia. It explained a lot. I provided my X-Rays here as well as subsequent reports on my deteriorating health. I posted the results of my breath tests and the meds I am on. Needless to say, I could not continue with the job I was working.

I am still under a specialists care and involved in a Medical Trial for an experimental treatment for my malady. I had tried getting back into another field I have extensive experience in, Automotive, and had a couple of interviews with some shops. I found being around the fumes that are a absolute part of that business is integral to the industry, made breathing difficult at best. I have been sending out applications and answering ads as best I can. Not having net access as I was enjoyed slows this efftort considerably.

As for me exaggerating my condition and being less than honest regards what I deal with physically, that's nonsense and frankly ignorant, as one need only read what I have written, but also provided documentation to back up what I presented in this forum. There are days I walk across a room and I am short of breath, other days is almost normal and can get around and do stuff.

It's the nature of the malady......

My meds are being revised and altered to see what will work best for me. In the meantime, I mention here what I could use help with and hope for the best. Understand this.....I EXPECT NOTHING!!! I am deeply appreciative when support comes along. However, with but a few personal and familial instances, NO ONE OWES ME ANYTHING!!!!! They offer because they want's that simple.

Don't like it? There are other blogs you can read. Please feel free to explore them....

I stated here recently I moderate the comments left. I don't publish the overly complimentary ones, as well as the pretty venomous. Thing is, the nasty ones get over the top and generally come from the same couple of people. Even though they post without revealing themselves, or using made up names, their visits are time and date stamped with I.P. Address and location. Just recently I had one of my “fans” get mail from their I.S.P. telling them to behave...... or else.

Bottom line, what I state here regards my status and health are what's real. My feeling is that for me to lie now, becomes my downfall later. In the future, anyone who doubts my sincerity can go back and read through my blog for themselves.

All that being said....I want to get back to my meandering writings and observations. Thanks for your loyalty and indulgences these last few years.

God Bless.

Until next time.....

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Super Bowl Sunday!!!!

I have no dog in this hunt...but will enjoy watching the game.

Went to services again this morning and, frankly, the topic shook me up a bit. Not so much the message...although that was powerful....but my mind had been leading up to what he had to teach the last couple of days.

Like a One, Two Punch!

On the annoyance front......

I've had this stalker for a couple of years now. This guy, originally from Warren County now in North Dakota, is a petty little man who just likes to harass. He is known about the internet as Uber Trolling Flame Thrower and not mentally all there.

He was entertaining. I would sometimes tweak him a bit, like when you tap the glass at the monkey cage, and watch him rant.

Annoying but he was basically harmless.

Well..he upped the ante and so did I.

I reached out to his I.S.P. and they put him on notice. A couple of sites he went to create or stalk either were forced down or he is being completely ignored.  He creates different persona's and has conversations with himself.

He tried convincing me he was a mutil millionaire and his...."' are worth more than your house was!"

I knew it was the same nutcase from N.J.

Anyhow......I see he is using a misspelling of my name and....this is new...a female persona  to cause trouble. Get a hobby there, Richie!!!! This needs to end , here.

I never knew Google and such could be as good a friend as it has become.'s game....I don't care who wins as long as the commercials are a hoot and the game exciting.


Until next time....

Friday, February 1, 2013

Fairly Brief Update....

I have just a little bit of internet time....

Lost the room. The van needs a water pump, head gasket, lower seal..yadda yadda yadda.

I'm mostly screwed!

I do have a place to stay. A friend of mine asked his landlord if I could stay for a few nights and, after talking with me, said sure. He is a Tongan Christian Minister building a new church here. Took out to a buffet lunch today..haven't had that in eons.

So, I am safe and housed for now. Just no internet there.

As for the's hurtin'! Hopefully I will find some work and get all in order. I still have my outstanding balance with the motel to deal with.

In the meantime, please keep good thoughts for me, as well as, ongoing prayers. And, if inclined...the PayPal button is working.


Until next time...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

These Last Few Hours Have Been Monumentally ....


It started this morning as I was listening to the radio online, wondering when I was going to get THAT knock on the door and be told to leave.

BACKSTORY SIDETRACK: Glenn Beck's "The Blaze" has migrated from an  online only entity, to being a service on DISH Network as well. Now there is a push to get a channel spot on the major cable systems, i.e. FiOS, U-Verse, Charter, Cablevision, etc. He went on about this new campaign a few times during his show this morning. Frankly, I think he should lead off with Cable One, but what do I know....


It was bringing back so many of the things I had started and accomplished before I started to go off the rails. If I were to highlight just a few of these things and the people I had dealings with, you'd think me delusional. One REAL heavyweight that I had extensive dealings with, I wouldn't tell anyone about, until someone involved in that effort found me on the net and asked how I was doing.

I have a way of proving that one!!!

The memories and aspirations I had continued to plague and frustrate me all day... accelerating as the hours passed by. I was able to find myself behind many closed doors...having the ear of powerful players in media and entertainment. I had "in law" connections to one of the richest men on earth and his BRAND NEW, at that time, entertainment mecca.

When I was running live news van in N.Y.C., I used my stature deficit to weasel my way around police barricades and get footage no one else had. One of the VERY best work days of my life was 36 hours long...hand to God...and it was one news story after another. I grabbed that time in my life with both hands and squeezed every bit of excitement and education out of it that I could.

Here's where these recollections sucked.....

I found myself getting energized....wanting to get back into things. Send my resume everywhere, start reaching out to different concerns to pitch some long standing concepts I had....series from the ground up enterprises. I had done this before....

And then I take stock of my current situation and condition.

I was blessed to be sent a Nebulizer for one of the therapies I must perform a few times a day. The fact that I even have to do that is a bit of a downer. That I had to look for a donated one, even more so. DON'T get me wrong, I am VERY grateful for getting one.

I'm looking at being back in the van again, but in far less comfortable surroundings than back at Camp Scooter: SouthEast, Afscootistan.

SIDETRACK: The only reason I am still in the room this evening is that the main manager was not in today, and I slipped through the cracks. Which is fortunate because we are having some hellish rain and such currently. However what I owe is now just south of $200.00. And even when I am out of the room, I'm stuck here for what follows.....

I have a vehicle that can't go anywhere until it's fixed. I am going to have to do the repair myself, if I am to be mobile any time soon. If it's not something I can do, I am screwed. My initial appointment with the Pulmonary Specialist for tomorrow is now pushed back to March 1st, and Round 2 of the prelims to be a full pledged Lab Rat are likely to be lost for the same reason.

Wild swings in mood. Not organic in nature...but from divergent courses of  reality hitting me in the head.

I had one person write me and say it would be a good idea to drive the van deep in the woods and never be heard from again. Basically, go die. Maybe I should...who knows. They also said I am a rat, and not just in the lab.

Why am I telling you all this? Maybe I want you to understand I am not proud of doing what I do now. In some ways I have surprised myself in how resourceful I could be, even under these conditions. However, this blog has deteriorated into a Beg-A-Thon and that's simply pathetic.

I am smarter than this. I am more dynamic than this. But I just can't seem to get out of my own way. And things are about to get a whole lot harder! As one commenter on here said, misspellings and all...

"Put a fork in you, your done" (quoted as originally written. The "your/you're-there/their"  police need not bother me)

Thus tonight I pack up, and early in the morning stuff the van once again. I am hoping fresh episodes of "Raising Hope" and "New Girl" lift my mood a bit. My spirits will take substantially more work.

I have zero idea or notion as to what will happen next. I know I have to do two things first:

Fix the van.
Raise cash to pay the motel bill. (I'll offer them something for collateral until I attain the amount called for.)

Only tomorrow knows....

Until next time....

Monday, January 28, 2013

Maybe This Will Work...

I've been trying other ways...but to no positive outcome.

This Wednesday is my first appointment with the Pulmonary Specialist. Thursday is the final qualifying round to my "Lab Rat" opportunity for a C.O.P.D. paid medical study.

The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders is having all manner of problems. The upper radiator hose is leaking. The engine is having some severe indigestion and running horribly. Suffice to say it won't make the trip into Ft Worth or Arlington, respectively, and the motel room is kaput tomorrow morning, thus can't shower for said appointments and will wind up sleeping in the crippled chariot.

And of course some paid cash day gigs show up on Craig's List I am able to accomplish that I need transport to. wall.

Sometimes I think I am never going to get ahead. Actually, never mind get ahead...just being able to tread water for a while would be nice. There are occasions when I just want to drive deep into the woods someplace and disappear.

SIDETRACK: The motel office just rang the room...and I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone. I know I have to deal with them...just have to get into that frame of mind

Anyhow....I need work that I am qualified for and able to perform. So any of my local Texan know of something...please let me know.

Thanks....and please keep good thoughts for me.

Until next time.....

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Let's Talk About Extremes....

03/22/13 PLEASE...could someone tell me why, all of a sudden, I am getting hits from all over the globe looking for this symbol? Please email: Thanks!

PREFACE: Back in the spring, while driving along the famous Garden State Parkway, I had a radiator hose blow on me, sending tons of weaponized steam inside The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders.  That was the beginning of the respiratory issues for yours truly, leading to the diagnosis of C.O.P.D.  You can read about that misadventure HERE.

On the way to an interview as noted in the post below this one,  I ran into over heating issues of a significant nature. Well....guess who had weaponized steam in his face, again. Moi! Had no choice, was late to the interview. It wasn't as bad as last time, only coming from the engine and not inside the cab. But try as I may, I did wind up breathing some of it in. stuff....

Today started out as a really good day!!! I awoke feeling fine...showered early...had my coffee and headed of to a local church. I met the flock just before Christmas as they came to the motel, offering up some very tasty hot meals. After I finished said meal, I stepped out side and saw the Pastor delivering a message to his flock.  As I staid in the background listening, I found there was something about the way he spoke and the message he chose compelling. I was...impressed!

Not feeling sick upon awakening and ready to go, I can finally attend his church. I had been hoping to for the last two week.  And....WOW...this guy is really dynamic! He has been doing a series of services focused on the relationship of a man and wife. He was funny, pointed, irreverent....all the while getting the message across and never crossing a line into the in appropriate.

I enjoyed this service more than any in a long time.

He and I talked for a good half an hour afterwards and I hope to get together with him this week and work on social media on behalf of his church. The organization's website is found HERE.

I think I have found my House-0-Faith! Pastor Brad and I share some common background experiences and occupations, as well. This guy will bring more folks into the faith that the style of many other fine preachers. He has an edge that is both welcome and timely.

The morning went well. The afternoon...not so much.

I has gotten myself down to just one med for the C.O.P.D. and have been working to improve my lung capacity by walking, etc.

After services, I noticed the same feeling in my chest as I did shortly after the weaponized radiator steam incident this past Spring. Tight and feeling my lungs filled with..something. It had been coming on slowly, but I put it off to the weather. The weather today is fine.

So, I'm driving along and.....the van starts acting up. Stalling....stuttering....very rough idle. Blowing smoke..and losing fluids. The radiator problem I think is either the lower hose is blown...or the water pump is kaput. The engine blowing smoke...and a lot of it. Some seal or gasket got clobbered when I went to the job interview and was overheated to the point the temperature indicator's needle got pinned to the extreme.

The van has some serious issues...REALLY serious! And after 11:00 A.M. C.S.T. tomorrow, I may have to be living in it. Swell.

Great morning.....crappy afternoon. Yin and Yang...the symbol above.

Blue ...positive and uplifting...Red...negative and destructive.

Welcome to my world. RED is my color of  the balance of de' day.

I try...I really do. But it seems one obstacle after another....with minor victories in between. Not sure what...or how next step will be.....

We'll see. In the meantime, this song had been playing in my head and offers a wee bit of comfort this evening. Enjoy, if you will..

Until later.....

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Here's Hoping....

UPDATE 01/25/13 8:22 P.M. C.S.T. : Had a very good interview this afternoon at a Quick lube kind of place. I did very well at a shop in Budd Lake, made quite the decent buck! The guy I met with has a varied background, such as yours truly, and we got along very well. Frankly it was as much a conversation as it was an interview. I enjoyed it

He has other candidates to consider, and will get back to me one way or the other. I asked him if I was not his choice, would he give me a heads up for other opportunities within that brand name he may hear of.

Feeling decent this morning. A little bit of coughing, but nothing major.

I have an interview at 3:00 P.M. C.S.T. that had been postponed twice already. My clothes are ready and I am well groomed.

Nice change!!!

Wish me luck..will update after it takes place.

UPDATE: Didn't work out. There is a requirement one be able to lift 50 lbs. minimum, and I am, currently, unable to do that. Oh well....gotta keep trying. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Sometimes I Wonder...

...why I even try.

I went to bed last night looking forward to the Focus Group experience and the $200.00 that come with it. It would certainly keep me in the motel with a couple of bucks to spare.

When I work up his morning, it felt like I had a golf ball in my throat. I couldn't swallow nor could I clear it. I ate a little it and it felt like sandpaper going down. Can't do anything about it until Monday.

So..I lose that gig....and money for rent....


Welcome to my world.

I'll post the results of the exam here so you'll know I ain't fakin'!

Until next time....

Monday, January 14, 2013

I Needed A Day..... regroup a bit. Wound up sleeping outside Friday night and the air did not do my lungs any favors. Fortunately it was pretty the 50' I wasn't freezing.

I was hanging out in the van at the Q.T. on the corner for pretty much all of Saturday. People were coming up to me after reading what I have written on the BIG windows on the side of the van. Asking me stuff...engaging in chit chat...sometimes offering me some assistance.

The day was going slowly and I was a fair distance away from what I needed to get the room back. When this fellow comes up to me and asks if I needed gasoline, while handing me some cash. I explained I did, but was focusing on the motel bill and getting a couple of nights more. He told me to pull up to the pumps and he would fill the tank.

This HUGE!!!! I can't recall the last time I have a full tank.

While it was filling we talked about my and why I was in Texas...about me getting sick....etc.

The tank full, I thank him over and over for the help. He tells me he's glad to do it and heads off. I go back to my parking spot and linger.

A few minutes later, a truck identical to his pulls up 2 spots away from me and, lo and behold, it's him again. He asks me about the motel and I tell him what I have to have to get back in and he offers to go with me to make up the arrears.


Well...he not only pays what I owe...he springs for another full week here!

Huge-erer!!! (I know..not a word....)

Next time some one tries to tell me there is no God, I am gonna kick them in the crotch!

So Sunday was spent regrouping and letting my lungs feel better. Even the Golden Globes this year was over all enjoyable.

Today I am working on getting my auto insurance paid. The job interview I had to postpone last week is rescheduled for this Wednesday. Also, taking part in a paid study in Dallas on Saturday that pays $200.00.

For now I get back to emailing resumes and job applications. Sally forth and all that....