Sunday, July 21, 2013


And that goes for just about everything right now.

My birthday, formerly referred to as "The Dawn Of The Downward Spiral", is this Wednesday. I'll be 58.


It also marks one year that I have been in Texas.

Saw my G.P. yesterday and she put me back on some meds I had been able to stop, and suggested a couple of new ones. Since I have Medicaid until the end of the month, I was able to get 3 of them right away. The 4th only cost me $7.00.

I now have $3.00 in the bank.

Here's what's new:

I am on disability. I don't want to be on disability. Back in New Jersey, the state forced me to apply for it and I did what I could to sabotage that effort. I was successful. To me, it was throwing in the towel. I wanted to move forward and rebuild my life, not be stuck in the current situation and languish

I had built myself back up, before. I can be very determined. I am lacking passion, at this point.

SIDETRACK: My claim for disability here was actually made by the hospital who treated me on November 28th and 30th, 2012. The claim was denied. Not unusual for Texas. The denial rate for appeals is aroun 86%, including when using a lawyer.

The day I got the denial notice, I found some errors, some wrong assumptions, and so forth. I immediately filed my own appeal online...and won! I beat the odds!

SUB-SIDETRACK: Before anyone goes off on me, I have not been on public assistance since birth! I paid into this system for decades. So don't get started!

The point of this is, I can get stuff done in the face of oppressive odds. If you all knew some of the people and organizations I have wormed my way into, you'd be impressed. I can be formidable.

I just wish I had been able to succeed in something other than getting public assistance. As I said prior, I did not come to Texas to be on my back.

As for Mickey Mass, the prevailing (read: hopeful) thought is it is an infection and I am on a month's worth of anti-biotics. Said medicine has some significant side effects, 99% of which, to my surprise, I am not feeling. One though is knocking me on my ass at times. It makes me very sensitive to temperature and sunlight. Not helpful, being summer and all. Takes away a lot of energy from me. Haven't been able to attend Church for a few weeks. birthday is coming.


Having achieved winning my appeal and getting the help I am is not something I cheer about. I am hoping at some point to find my way into something I can do or promote, and make a career again. Even though it is The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders, and has housed me coming on 4 years now, it's disheartening to be living in it.

I am hoping to be able to buy a full fledged R.V. It would be a home no one could ever take away from me. I could at least be able to stand straight up in and have a complete bathroom. Found a couple of Craig's List seem just right. Priced reasonably and low mileage. As for where to park, Walmarts are everywhere.

If anyone feels moved to bless me somehow, feel free. The PayPal button is right up top.

I see these other homeless guys online via blogs or social media. One guy, in L.A. is really making a go of things and moving along. One guy, even though he got housing and stuff, is just an angry, bitter man. The 3rd is wandering the country trying to find any kind of opportunity he can, but he keeps running into road blocks. All define themselves by their living conditions...even the housed guy.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to be the "Homeless Guy". The "Handicapped Guy". I want to be...just a guy living life and moving along. Contributing, not taking.

And I so need a place to call home.

I'll keep plugging at it.

Happy Birthday, me.


Oh...the way one would commemorate "The Dawn Of The Downward Spiral" is to eat a Tombstone Pizza and have a Black Russian, in case you wondered.

Thanks for reading. Until next time....


  1. Happy Birthday buddy :) I have lots of respect for you. Stay passionate.

  2. happy birthday and good health in the years to come. Funny, my birthday is Tuesday and something told me to pay your site a visit again.

    Kind regards

  3. keep on keepin' on as well!

  4. Thanks for the Birthday Wishes! and thanks for the gift, S.N.!