Wednesday, January 2, 2013

What To Say....What To Do....

UPDATE 01/03/13 3:31 P.M. C.S.T. : Went to change the flat and the lugs won't move! My hernia is not pleased and I am out of breath. Hopefully I can get someone to help me. #KillME 

4:00 P.M. The jack that I have loaned to others MANY times is not working for me. I borrow one from someone at the motel, usable, but it's a little small for the task. Add to that,  I have lost so much upper body strength, I can't pump the jack to raise the van high enough. The clinic called about my Prednisone informing me the Dr. is not wanting to refill it. And my cell has 15 minutes left.

Why do I even bother? Seriously....I am spent. This day has been one disappointment after another. Know what sucks about good news? It softens you up for the crap. The posts below.....good news. Reality right!

No food. No rent. No insurance. No meds. No cash. No road service.

Hope is flickering....... 

UPDATE 10:06 P.M. C.S.T. :  Tire finally changed and road ready. Don't have nearly enough to hold on to the room, so tomorrow I get locked out and most of my stuff stuck inside. The clinic wants me to come and get a different med, one which I have to scrounge up the co-pay IF I can get over there. It's a steroid you inhale, as opposed to taking orally.  And I still have to get a nebulizer for the twice daily treatments. My chest is tightening up already.......

UPDATE 01/03/13 : I just now got through the first round of being qualified to be a lab rat for a C.O.P.D. study. Pays cash, and it comes with a really nice cage with a built in  "PX90 Certified"  Exercise Wheel! No money yet though.........

UPDATE 2:21 P.M. C.S.T.: Got my first job interview in a LONG time!!! It's this coming Wednesday in Ft. Worth. Full time with bonuses! A sliver of sunlight! Just have to be able to hold on until then. Wish me luck! And a special "Thanks" to Sandra and Joel for giving me some assistance. It helps TONS!!!

5:25 A.M. C.S.T. :

It's all coming apart. Wasn't held all that well together anyway.

Down to my last 2 prednisone pills which keeps my lungs in check. My bank account is about to implode due to a shortage of $.56 and a pending withdrawal. The van has a flat tire, very little gas, and the heat doesn't work.. It's 32° outside and temps are expected to be, maybe, mid 40s.

No returned calls or emails for the jobs I applied for. Nothing in PayPal...or my pocket.

Unless I can convince the motel owners otherwise, I will be locked out of the room in a few hours. I owe somewhere around $100.00 for the last few days.

I give up.

I left New Jersey with high hopes. Texas offers a LOT! The economy here is pretty strong. (We'll see how that holds up after the devastation around the corner from the awful "Fiscal Cliff" deal made last night) As noted prior, I found work very quickly, only to lose it when taken ill and my C.O.P.D. introduced itself with vigor, and a side of Pneumonia.

If you have read through my blog, you'll see that I tried to keep my head up and optimistic. Even after being hospitalized twice in 3 days in November I looked to the future....hoping for and trying to achieve a better life for myself.

Under my own power and efforts. Be productive and vital.

I'm throwing my hands up....the towel in the ring....raising the white flag. I'm in worse shape than I was one year ago, with nothing on the horizon to moving myself along. Perhaps my new condition is my ticket out. Two pills, two days, left before it takes control.

Bleh...I'm just rambling now.

Not sure why I am compelled to write this, let alone anyone taking the time to read it. On my part, it's half "boo hoo" and half keeping my followers up to date. Not quite a "Good Bye" yet. And no, not suicidal...just losing my will to keep, keeping on.

The sun isn't even up yet, and my day is pretty much over.

que sera


  1. Good Luck,
    Is there anyway i can help?

    1. Hello and thanks for reading and offering. It boils down to holding on to the room and getting my van mobile again. If you would use Road2RL@gmail,com