I know...I know..I tend to milk stuff. Things I mention again and again, while searching inside myself for new material. That, plus I need to get my homeless on ‘cause who wants a guy like me offering Conan O’Brien career advice? So here goes...
SPECIAL SIDETRACK: I saw online yesterday, forgot where and I shoulda bookmarked it, a story about Big Fox luring Coco to their stable. AND...get this...They said that HIS SHOW WOULD BE PRETTY MUCH PAID FOR BY NBC!!!! Just like I suggested! Am I a genius or what? Should I recall where I saw that before I post this, I’ll offer up the link.
This is the LAST time I am gonna mention this stuff. On to new and better things. I am shooting for February 1st or 2nd to be on my way. Where? I dunno...somewhere south. And then I can finish my theory on the coming collapse of things.
No place better to be than not knowing where you are going and on the road to write about the demise of society!
Know what I mean?
So the collapse of society will be mentioned again in a future post. One of the exceptions. Another exception will be my cardio vascular system should it attempt to mess with my plans again. But here will rest the last mentions of my experience of October 5th, 2009.
I like my loose ends like I like my loose women. All wrapped up!
Last Relationship: *FLICK*
2nd Marriage: *FLICK*
Any Hopes For A Bright And Promising Future: *FLICK*
Bob The Van Eating Dog..
Ok, can’t *FLICK* him..but you should see the level of destruction!
Topics, One By One:
I am 54, with a hernia, and having experienced 2 cardiac events. One faux, the other real.
It’s gets you outta stuff!
Someone:”Hey, can you help me lift this?”
Me:”Sorry, I have this hernia, you know.”
Someone:”I can’t get my car started and it’s a standard shift. Can you push it while I try to pop the clutch and start it?”
Me:”Sorry, would love to help, but I am 54 with a hernia and just had 2 cardiac events, one quite real.”
Me: “Damn, I can’t life this heavy item due to my hernia! What shall I do?”
Them: “Oh my, let me do that for you.”
See the advantages?
One time when driving to take my youngest back to college, I created this person to entertain my significant acquaintance , who I called, “Affliction Man”! It was this character that wanted to help, but something in his physiology would get in the way!
Old Lady: Help, that nasty man just stole my purse!”
A.M.: “I would help you, but I have this cramp in my leg. I am Affliction Man!”
Them:”Help, my cat is stuck in a tree!”
A.M.: “I want to so much, but my inner ear infection prevents me from climbing to any heights. I am Affliction Man!”
So now you can see my obsession with that topic!
Now, regards my cardio thingie:
I asked a cardiologist, if he was a Heart attack, what would be his goal? I was seeking to finally call mine either a semi or quite successful cardiac adventure. I mean, there has to be a bottom line....something it wants to accomplish. Well, he just kinda stared at me for a moment then asked if I knew what psycho-tropics were and did I have issues with my mother.
Mom’s dead, but not from a successful heart attack. So..I will finally call it..
It was successful. There, I said it.
Ok..the suicide song. I have become a wee bit obsessed with it. I mean, how many songs are legend? If you recall, the version by Billie Holiday added a bridge to make it a tad less...morose...and I have been looking for a decent version of the original. While doing so, I found the following version by some gal named Heather Nova. While her performance in the video left me a tad underwhelmed, the musical arrangement flushed out something really, really beautiful in the melody. I also like the little addition between the 1st and 2nd lyric in the 1st and 2nd verse. VERY nice touch! Though the original lyrics kinda reflect it, the melody as flushed out by this arrangement shows that this is truly a love song. Her arranger is a genius! And just what the hell is she doing at the very end of the song??? Sounds like she is calling out to some feral creature.
And since I have a fair amount of time on my hands, my friend Mr. M.B. and I collaborated on a new set of lyrics, using some elements of the original ones. The phrasing of said lyrics don’t translate as well as I would like when reading the printed word, but trust me, they work melodically. I sang them to myself and Bob The Van Eating Dog a number of times.
So here’s what you do....
Watch the video below in full. Then, play it again and read the lyrics Mr. M.B. and I collaborated on.
It was something to do on a cold night. So sue moi.
I am much more, than, I should be, because of you...
Everything that I feel and can be is enhanced by you
The little white flowers bow down when embraced by you
The sky opens wide, and the breeze lets me breathe in you
The angels that watch you have no thought, of me, without you
Would they be angry, if I , ... didn’t see things through
You complete me
I feel spring, and it’s promise, just ‘cause you’re in the room
There is nothing I want more, than a life that is just we two
I live for the touch, the feel , of your sweet caress
Because of that hunger, my days become slumberless
In all of my thoughts, all I see is, I am holding you
Should I draw my last breath, it will be, spent on blessing you
You complete me.
Dreaming, I pray it’s more than just dreaming
When I awake, always find, it’s you there, on my mind...in my heart!!!!!!
Darling I hope, that my dream, doesn’t startle you
It only means I can’t live without me being here with you
(Next five sentences presume my arrangement would have a full verse at the end)
You have awoken a part that is new to me
A part without you, I would never have come to see
Please take my musings, and craving for you to be
My need to Spend the rest of your life with me.
You complete me.
Hungarian Suicide Song: *FLICK*
Ok..final (I think) bits..
Office Supplies: *FLICK*
Obama: *FLICK* (I Wish!)
Living Past Age 55: *FLICK*
Conan: I’d *FLICK* him but NBC already did , thus making my effort redundant.
Now my new fear and obsession:
The “EVIL SLINKY”
Slinky..threat or menace?
How The Evil Slinky corrupts our youth by teaching the adolescent boy the "in front of you, hand over hand”, method of self abuse! And the breaking down of the young girl’s self worth as she learns the method of determining if her breasts are balanced and “perfect”, only to learn in the future, they are not..and never will be! Leading her into a life of self loathing and substance abuse.
Watch the following 1960's commercial and you’ll see! Behold the evil Slinky march down the steps in hopes of world domination Cringe as you see a young Robert Gibbs, Obama’s Press Secretary, as he offers a villainous laugh while teaching the evil Slinky to walk human like, side by side leg human style, down the inverted plank of doom in the hopes of global conquest and progressive imperialism!
And, obviously, those are Keebler Elf stairs..no one has stairs that small!
Be afraid! Be very, very afraid!
Until next time...if there IS a next time....