The Homeless Christmas Special That Really Wasn't....

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I tried...really I tried...

But with writing...casting...scoring...shooting...yadda yadda yadda..

Just couldn't get it finished.

So I present to you some partial lyrics for my holiday special:

"A Happy Homeless Christmas"

Starring............Moi!

As you all know, I am currently residing in a conversion van. Keeps me warm..safe...mostly dry. So to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree"....


Conversion van, conversion van
You now house the homeless man
Conversion van, conversion van
Keep him warm as best you can

In dark of night, in bitter cold
He stays alive and can grow old

Conversion van, conversion van
Keep him safe, the homeless man

If you recall the music from the ABC Special "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" then the melodies from that are burned on your brain. Thus...play them out as you read the following....

To The Tune Of "It's A Holly, Jolly Christmas"

It’s a happy homeless Christmas, and in case you didn’t hear...
I don’t know, if we’ll snort “snow”...but there’ll be lot’s of beer.
A Happy, Homeless Christmas..and the writings on the wall
We don’t have a place to go, we are homeless all

Hi Ho, the mistletoe..burns hot in the ol' fire can
Helps to keep frostbite away..so you don’t lose your hands

Oh My Goodness Have Very Homeless Christmas This Year!

And speaking of Rudolph...this next ditty is to the melody of his song:


You know Leroy and Harry and one legged Joey
Allen and Bugsy and our fave girl Chloee
But do you recall...the most famous hobo of all???

ALFIE The Red Nosed Alkie
Had a very shiny nose
And when he’d drink some Ripple...
You would even say it glowed.
All of the other camp mates
Used to laugh and call him names..
They never let poor Alfie, stand over by the campfire’s flame.

Then one awful Christmas night, Joey passed out in snow
Alfie drank his Ripple right, and his nose began to glow

Then the paramedics found him...and they shouted out with glee.
Alfie The Red Nosed Alkie...saved our favorite pal, Joey!

(I said these are partial lyrics)

And last but not least....

You did some time for committing some crime?
Well..this chick is now in your life for a while.

To The Tune Of " Santa Claus Is Coming To Town ":

Better not drink...watch what you smoke
Don’t you do the dope-e-o dope
Probation worker’s in Shanty Town
She’s taking some pee, checking it twice
Gonna find out whose not being nice
Probation worker’s in Shanty Town

She comes when you are sleepin’..not while you’re awake
When you’re nodding in the park, so be straight for goodness sake!

Oh..you’d better behave..be acting nice
Don’t do anything, we’d call a vice
Probation workers in... Shanty Town

So there you have it! The bones for my upcoming, next year, holiday special:

"A Happy Homeless Christmas"

And here's to you having the VERY BEST CHRISTMAS OF ALL!!!!

God Bless!