Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Simply Not There....

From time to time I will post feelings, thoughts, etc. about...stuff. Not always going to be about tips and all.

I am parked and camping in the van one lot away from my ex-house. At least 4 times a day, Bob The Dog and I march back and forth in front of it while he does his bidnez on the front lawn.

And I don't feel a thing. I don't long to be inside. I don't lament losing it. I have no feelings towards it. I try to find those feelings of loss...remorse...pain...they ain't there. Bad stuff happened to me while in that house.

3 Relationships..

My first wife passed from breast cancer.

The second wife did what she could at one time to ruin everything for me.

The last significant relationship evaporated in a heartbeat after 13 on and off years, after about 6 months of something really intense!!!

Since February life has been....disappointing. Change that...devastating.

Glad to leave it behind.

If it weren't for the fact stuff of mine is still in there and some legal lingering this and thats remain, I would be on my adventure already..heading out into the country to find the place..home...that I want want to die in. NOT that I want to die now, but when I draw my last breath, I want to be able to look around the room and say to myself...I made the right choice. I know if I had passed in this place, I'd be in hell even if I was an angel while I lived.

So I see this addressless thing I am dealing with as somewhat a blessing in disguise. I'll be ok..I have been before. Maybe a bit diminished...the light just that much dimmer inside me..but ok. Alone..but ok.

Anyhow...from time to time I may wear my cyber heart on my virtual sleeve. Next post....about networking.

Until next time....

1 comment:

  1. You're so positive. It's refreshing. Thank you for sharing.