These Last Few Hours Have Been Monumentally ....

....FRUSTRATING!!!!!!

It started this morning as I was listening to the radio online, wondering when I was going to get THAT knock on the door and be told to leave.

BACKSTORY SIDETRACK: Glenn Beck's "The Blaze" has migrated from an  online only entity, to being a service on DISH Network as well. Now there is a push to get a channel spot on the major cable systems, i.e. FiOS, U-Verse, Charter, Cablevision, etc. He went on about this new campaign a few times during his show this morning. Frankly, I think he should lead off with Cable One, but what do I know....

Anyhow.....

It was bringing back so many of the things I had started and accomplished before I started to go off the rails. If I were to highlight just a few of these things and the people I had dealings with, you'd think me delusional. One REAL heavyweight that I had extensive dealings with, I wouldn't tell anyone about, until someone involved in that effort found me on the net and asked how I was doing.

I have a way of proving that one!!!

The memories and aspirations I had continued to plague and frustrate me all day... accelerating as the hours passed by. I was able to find myself behind many closed doors...having the ear of powerful players in media and entertainment. I had "in law" connections to one of the richest men on earth and his BRAND NEW, at that time, entertainment mecca.

When I was running live news van in N.Y.C., I used my stature deficit to weasel my way around police barricades and get footage no one else had. One of the VERY best work days of my life was 36 hours long...hand to God...and it was one news story after another. I grabbed that time in my life with both hands and squeezed every bit of excitement and education out of it that I could.

Here's where these recollections sucked.....

I found myself getting energized....wanting to get back into things. Send my resume everywhere, start reaching out to different concerns to pitch some long standing concepts I had....series ideas.....build from the ground up enterprises. I had done this before....

And then I take stock of my current situation and condition.

I was blessed to be sent a Nebulizer for one of the therapies I must perform a few times a day. The fact that I even have to do that is a bit of a downer. That I had to look for a donated one, even more so. DON'T get me wrong, I am VERY grateful for getting one.

I'm looking at being back in the van again, but in far less comfortable surroundings than back at Camp Scooter: SouthEast, Afscootistan.

SIDETRACK: The only reason I am still in the room this evening is that the main manager was not in today, and I slipped through the cracks. Which is fortunate because we are having some hellish rain and such currently. However what I owe is now just south of $200.00. And even when I am out of the room, I'm stuck here for what follows.....

I have a vehicle that can't go anywhere until it's fixed. I am going to have to do the repair myself, if I am to be mobile any time soon. If it's not something I can do, I am screwed. My initial appointment with the Pulmonary Specialist for tomorrow is now pushed back to March 1st, and Round 2 of the prelims to be a full pledged Lab Rat are likely to be lost for the same reason.

Wild swings in mood. Not organic in nature...but from divergent courses of  reality hitting me in the head.

I had one person write me and say it would be a good idea to drive the van deep in the woods and never be heard from again. Basically, go die. Maybe I should...who knows. They also said I am a rat, and not just in the lab.

Why am I telling you all this? Maybe I want you to understand I am not proud of doing what I do now. In some ways I have surprised myself in how resourceful I could be, even under these conditions. However, this blog has deteriorated into a Beg-A-Thon and that's simply pathetic.

I am smarter than this. I am more dynamic than this. But I just can't seem to get out of my own way. And things are about to get a whole lot harder! As one commenter on here said, misspellings and all...

"Put a fork in you, your done" (quoted as originally written. The "your/you're-there/their"  police need not bother me)

Thus tonight I pack up, and early in the morning stuff the van once again. I am hoping fresh episodes of "Raising Hope" and "New Girl" lift my mood a bit. My spirits will take substantially more work.

I have zero idea or notion as to what will happen next. I know I have to do two things first:

Fix the van.
Raise cash to pay the motel bill. (I'll offer them something for collateral until I attain the amount called for.)

Only tomorrow knows....

Until next time....

Maybe This Will Work...

I've been trying other ways...but to no positive outcome.

This Wednesday is my first appointment with the Pulmonary Specialist. Thursday is the final qualifying round to my "Lab Rat" opportunity for a C.O.P.D. paid medical study.

The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders is having all manner of problems. The upper radiator hose is leaking. The engine is having some severe indigestion and running horribly. Suffice to say it won't make the trip into Ft Worth or Arlington, respectively, and the motel room is kaput tomorrow morning, thus can't shower for said appointments and will wind up sleeping in the crippled chariot.

And of course some paid cash day gigs show up on Craig's List I am able to accomplish that I need transport to.

Head...meet wall.

Sometimes I think I am never going to get ahead. Actually, never mind get ahead...just being able to tread water for a while would be nice. There are occasions when I just want to drive deep into the woods someplace and disappear.

SIDETRACK: The motel office just rang the room...and I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone. I know I have to deal with them...just have to get into that frame of mind

Anyhow....I need work that I am qualified for and able to perform. So any of my local Texan readers...you know of something...please let me know.

Thanks....and please keep good thoughts for me.

Until next time.....

Let's Talk About Extremes....

03/22/13 PLEASE...could someone tell me why, all of a sudden, I am getting hits from all over the globe looking for this symbol? Please email: Road2RL@gmail.com Thanks!


PREFACE: Back in the spring, while driving along the famous Garden State Parkway, I had a radiator hose blow on me, sending tons of weaponized steam inside The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders.  That was the beginning of the respiratory issues for yours truly, leading to the diagnosis of C.O.P.D.  You can read about that misadventure HERE.

On the way to an interview as noted in the post below this one,  I ran into over heating issues of a significant nature. Well....guess who had weaponized steam in his face, again. Moi! Had no choice, was late to the interview. It wasn't as bad as last time, only coming from the engine and not inside the cab. But try as I may, I did wind up breathing some of it in.

Ok....new stuff....

Today started out as a really good day!!! I awoke feeling fine...showered early...had my coffee and headed of to a local church. I met the flock just before Christmas as they came to the motel, offering up some very tasty hot meals. After I finished said meal, I stepped out side and saw the Pastor delivering a message to his flock.  As I staid in the background listening, I found there was something about the way he spoke and the message he chose compelling. I was...impressed!

Not feeling sick upon awakening and ready to go, I can finally attend his church. I had been hoping to for the last two week.  And....WOW...this guy is really dynamic! He has been doing a series of services focused on the relationship of a man and wife. He was funny, pointed, irreverent....all the while getting the message across and never crossing a line into the in appropriate.

I enjoyed this service more than any in a long time.

He and I talked for a good half an hour afterwards and I hope to get together with him this week and work on social media on behalf of his church. The organization's website is found HERE.

I think I have found my House-0-Faith! Pastor Brad and I share some common background experiences and occupations, as well. This guy will bring more folks into the faith that feel.....inhibited...by the style of many other fine preachers. He has an edge that is both welcome and timely.

The morning went well. The afternoon...not so much.

I has gotten myself down to just one med for the C.O.P.D. and have been working to improve my lung capacity by walking, etc.

After services, I noticed the same feeling in my chest as I did shortly after the weaponized radiator steam incident this past Spring. Tight and feeling my lungs filled with..something. It had been coming on slowly, but I put it off to the weather. The weather today is fine.

So, I'm driving along and.....the van starts acting up. Stalling....stuttering....very rough idle. Blowing smoke..and losing fluids. The radiator problem I think is either the lower hose is blown...or the water pump is kaput. The engine however...is blowing smoke...blue smoke...and a lot of it. Some seal or gasket got clobbered when I went to the job interview and was overheated to the point the temperature indicator's needle got pinned to the extreme.

The van has some serious issues...REALLY serious! And after 11:00 A.M. C.S.T. tomorrow, I may have to be living in it. Swell.

Great morning.....crappy afternoon. Yin and Yang...the symbol above.

Blue ...positive and uplifting...Red...negative and destructive.

Welcome to my world. RED is my color of  the balance of de' day.

I try...I really do. But it seems one obstacle after another....with minor victories in between. Not sure what...or how extreme...my next step will be.....

We'll see. In the meantime, this song had been playing in my head and offers a wee bit of comfort this evening. Enjoy, if you will..

Until later.....