Inconclusive!

And that goes for just about everything right now.

My birthday, formerly referred to as "The Dawn Of The Downward Spiral", is this Wednesday. I'll be 58.

Whoopee!

It also marks one year that I have been in Texas.

Saw my G.P. yesterday and she put me back on some meds I had been able to stop, and suggested a couple of new ones. Since I have Medicaid until the end of the month, I was able to get 3 of them right away. The 4th only cost me $7.00.

I now have $3.00 in the bank.

Here's what's new:

I am on disability. I don't want to be on disability. Back in New Jersey, the state forced me to apply for it and I did what I could to sabotage that effort. I was successful. To me, it was throwing in the towel. I wanted to move forward and rebuild my life, not be stuck in the current situation and languish

I had built myself back up, before. I can be very determined. I am lacking passion, at this point.

SIDETRACK: My claim for disability here was actually made by the hospital who treated me on November 28th and 30th, 2012. The claim was denied. Not unusual for Texas. The denial rate for appeals is aroun 86%, including when using a lawyer.

The day I got the denial notice, I found some errors, some wrong assumptions, and so forth. I immediately filed my own appeal online...and won! I beat the odds!

SUB-SIDETRACK: Before anyone goes off on me, I have not been on public assistance since birth! I paid into this system for decades. So don't get started!

The point of this is, I can get stuff done in the face of oppressive odds. If you all knew some of the people and organizations I have wormed my way into, you'd be impressed. I can be formidable.

I just wish I had been able to succeed in something other than getting public assistance. As I said prior, I did not come to Texas to be on my back.

As for Mickey Mass, the prevailing (read: hopeful) thought is it is an infection and I am on a month's worth of anti-biotics. Said medicine has some significant side effects, 99% of which, to my surprise, I am not feeling. One though is knocking me on my ass at times. It makes me very sensitive to temperature and sunlight. Not helpful, being summer and all. Takes away a lot of energy from me. Haven't been able to attend Church for a few weeks.

Anyhow....my birthday is coming.

Whoopee!

Having achieved winning my appeal and getting the help I am is not something I cheer about. I am hoping at some point to find my way into something I can do or promote, and make a career again. Even though it is The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders, and has housed me coming on 4 years now, it's disheartening to be living in it.

I am hoping to be able to buy a full fledged R.V. It would be a home no one could ever take away from me. I could at least be able to stand straight up in and have a complete bathroom. Found a couple of Craig's List seem just right. Priced reasonably and low mileage. As for where to park, Walmarts are everywhere.

If anyone feels moved to bless me somehow, feel free. The PayPal button is right up top.

I see these other homeless guys online via blogs or social media. One guy, in L.A. is really making a go of things and moving along. One guy, even though he got housing and stuff, is just an angry, bitter man. The 3rd is wandering the country trying to find any kind of opportunity he can, but he keeps running into road blocks. All define themselves by their living conditions...even the housed guy.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to be the "Homeless Guy". The "Handicapped Guy". I want to be...just a guy living life and moving along. Contributing, not taking.

And I so need a place to call home.

I'll keep plugging at it.

Happy Birthday, me.

Whoopee!

Oh...the way one would commemorate "The Dawn Of The Downward Spiral" is to eat a Tombstone Pizza and have a Black Russian, in case you wondered.

Thanks for reading. Until next time....

Mickey Mass Morphs

This going to be brief and not what I promised. Will get back to that, tomorrow.

Spent the day in E.R. with the usual symptoms. First check heart....which is okee dokee...

Lungs, not so much.

Seems Mickey has shrunk a bit, BUT.....has begun to define himself quite nicely. For the first time, he has been defined as "Suspect"!

Who knows.

Anyhow, I am spent and more than a bit sullen. On the upside, my veins get compliments everywhere I go. Some are admired for their beauty, talents, achievements.

I get "You have really great veins, and plenty of  'oomph'! "

Write more tomorrow and post the CAT and X-Ray images.

Until then....

In 9 Days...

...I turn 58. Next month, on the 9th, it will be the 4 year mark of yours truly residing in The Sovereign Conversion Van Of Wonders.

Not where I imagined myself to be when I was 5.

Some 53 years ago.

No word yet on what Micky Mass may be. The prevailing thought is infection. I am on a 30 day regimen of antibiotics. After that, a CAST scan done and we see.

Also in 9 days I will have reached the one year mark of being in Texas.  Arrived with expectations of getting my life back and moving on.

I still have my life and have moved on. However not in a direction I wanted.

SIDETRACK: For those of you late to the party, the story thus far.

In New Jersey I found myself on what I call "Disability Lite". One condition of being on said entitlement was applying for Disability in the forms of "Supplemental Security Income (S.S.I)" and "State Disability Income (S.D.I.)". I was on that due to two cardiac episodes, a two week bout with Diverticulitis, and a couple of small strokes over a period of some 3 years.

I pushed off applying for full blown benefits in the hope of being able to gain my self some testicular fortitude and get on with things.

The following year, I was told in no uncertain verbiage, apply to aforementioned programs or lose everything!

I did so, halfheartedly, with result being I was turned down. I didn't appeal.

Moving to Texas was the end game for that.

Turns out, being here may just be the end of stuff. A lot has gone wrong, and  gone right.

Gone Right: Had work (lost due to health). volunteering at "Restoring Love", blessed by so many people helping, got baptized and re-found faith.

Gone Wrong: Health, work, income, shelter. In HUGE chucks!!!

I don't know what to expect, anymore. Or even hope for.

Will write more, tomorrow......

Until then....

Friday, July 5th Marked....

...the One Year mark of me leaving New Jersey.

Best thing I could have done! However, results have been less than spectacular.

Started out nice enough. Even found some work.

Then I got sick. REALLY sick!

I said it before, I didn't come to Texas to be flat on my back.

Still hoping for some change...progress forward and all that.

We'll see....