FINALLY Saw My Specialist And....

The news is pretty grim.

Up until yesterday, no one had offered an evaluation of how far along C.O.P.D. in me was. Well..this guy had few words to offer.


"Bad...really, pretty bad"

That didn't help!Now understand, he was looking at info from January and the X-Rays from November. I can only imagine how things are now. (It took a few lost appointments...no gas money...no insurance on van..to finally be able to keep an appointment. Thus, the lag.)

These last few days have been really tough, as well. What was interesting, when I was in the facility I could breathe a lot easier. I had to do this 6 minute walk with a blood oxygen monitor, and my level never dropped below 91%...generally stayed around 96%. Peaked at 99%. I am thinking that maybe this part of Texas has something really bothering my lungs...allergies perhaps.

Anyhow, I have to get a copy of the report next week and pass it along for my disability appeal. And I hate that....

I avoided applying for that program for a number of years. Even had this one kinda nutty woman yell at me at Camp Scooter SouthWest because I wouldn't lie and  say...." what you need to say to get the money". TRUE STORY!

I can't work. I mean even driving these last 3 days has been a problem. So I am out and about as much as I can be hoping to do some fundraising in the hopes something improves...whatever that may be.

What a disappointment! I come here to change my life after all the other medical stuff I prevailed over, only to be stunted by this. Akkk....

Best Job EVER!!!!!!

Well..it would have been.

Last Saturday I was supposed to go to a full day training to be certified as a Public Fireworks Technician! And at the end of the day, after a dinner was served, we'd be shooting stuff off. I was instructed to wear clothing that was non-synthetic so that..."The E.R. wouldn't have to peel anything off my skin should there be an accident"!

Went to bed early the night before so as not to be late. Woke up......

Lungs weren't happy. I used the Symbicort puffer and that helped, but not fast enough. Suffice to say, opportunity lost.

I wasn't sure I'd be able to do the job past the training. Wanted to see how I would handle the smoke from the displays. I mean, you light and then step back. I didn't know how much smoke would be created or blown my way.

But it was worth a shot.....no pun intended.

Back in the day, the 4th of July was my Christmas! I LOVE fireworks. Anything that flies, explodes, sparkles, or make hellish noises, I'm all in. This would have been an ideal gig.

Happens....

Anyhow....I still seek some manner of employ and await the determination of my disability claim. Something I avoided with vigor through the other maladies that struck me.

Been struck by Writer's Block lately. I think it's as much from wanting to write stuff like I used to as opposed to the "woe is me" material, as well as,  feeling stunted by frustration at my current circumstances.

Someday I'll write about my living situation....will be an interesting read. But in the meantime I do what I have to and hope for the best.

Thanks for reading....

Until next time.....

If At First You Don't Succeed...

...give yourself another chance to fail!

 My career as a Lap Rat at the Habitrail Clinical Studies Facility has ended with a thud! I tried pacing myself, used the new cleansing meds given me at the last possible moment and still woke up finding it hard to breathe.

SIDETRACK: There is gap that needs be in place between when I last used those meds to when I will do whatever for the study. I figured if I put off the dose to the last minute, I would have some extra breathing room....literally....to get myself to the clinic.

It didn't work out that way.

It also didn't help we have been going through a significant, sometimes record breaking, cold snap here in Northern Texas. It was in the upper 20's in some spots. When and where I woke up it was 31°.

I had to call the clinic and throw in the towel.

Once I used my Sybicort inhaler, my lungs opened up and breathing became MUCH better!

Seems now that I have a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, my meds come with their own jingles. A melodic way to deal with illness. My malady has it's own soundtrack.

Spiriva has this lilting, violin driven tune with just a hint of optimism. Behold....



Now Symbicort goes for a perky, guitar driven melody, which finds a time to mute it's spunkiness while the possible dire side effects are described by the actor, between detailing tasks on his truck.



Unfortunately for the generics, they have neither jingles nor commercials. Maybe I'll compose something on their behalf so they don't feel left out. Kind of a "Participation Trophy" for the meds sitting in the back of the class.

My goal was to make my C.O.P.D. earn it's keep. As long as it was going to make itself known, it should at least bring in an income. Guess I am once again the sole, potential, earner in this partnership. It could at least do the laundry.

Anyhow.....

My disability application is still pending and I continue to send out resumes and applications for work I know I could accomplish. Back to the drawing board, as it were. I just want to get as much done to slow this thing down before Obamacare kicks in fully and I have to visit with The Death Panels, as they determine my fate.

I prefer to choose my own path kidz, but thanks for offering.

Your humble narrator promises you, oh faithful readers, to do my best to get beyond this melancholy stuff and write more light side-0-things material. I think I need to go exploring Texas.....

Yeah, that's the ticket. Now I just need to afford some gasoline.....

Until next time....